Sunday, March 25, 2007

I Wuz Robbed

Someone has taken my Sunday paper again. What lowdown, smarmy, despicable, contemptible, cheap, underhanded, foul creature would do such a dastardly deed?

I am shocked.

I canceled my subscription a year ago because half the time, it wasn't on the doorstep when I went to fetch it. But the carrier usually drops off an extra one in front of my building, and I have come to expect it.

Today it was gone. Some scurrilous scumbag had purloined my free newspaper off the sidewalk as if it were there for the taking. Without asking me. As if it were just a free newspaper, for the love of God. I was in total disbelief. I looked twice to be sure, even in the bushes, but there was no paper.

Some other freeloader beat me to it.

I came back upstairs empty-handed from my unsuccessful hunt. Twitching like a bird dog whose pheasant got away. Now I'll have to buy a Sunday paper if I want one.

I didn't know anyone else in this building could read.


Thailand Gal said...

I stopped subscribing many years ago for that very same reason. There's always someone walking around who decides to snarf it ~ and I got tired of the Sunday morning "calling the paper to report missing paper" routine.



alphawoman said...

I really look forward to the Sunday paper at my door step. I would be highly upset to. The audacity of some people!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


It's a sad commentary when somebody steals ones free newspaper is all I can say.


Yeah. What she said. The audacity!! They're probably using My Paper to line their canary's cage. Is that crummy or what?

monicker said...

Ooooh! That really steams me! Some creep's been stealing my paper most days of the week since the new year. What makes it so aggravating is that there's no easy way to exact revenge.

Anonymous said...

That is awful, just dispicable!! The cheap bastards -- stealing a free paper!! Ah, the guilt they must be feeling. If only they knew. . .

But who's newspaper was it slated to be, originally? Is there some poor(er) sap who has been waiting for the past year? He keeps paying and yet each Sunday, no paper. Each Sunday, he waits, he looks left, he looks right. Nothing in the bushes. He sees the neighbors' paper but there is nothing in front of his house.

You didn't go and buy one today did you? On principle.

meno said...

This is just too much to be borne.

I treasure my time with the Sunday paper. And the crossword puzzle if it's a really great day.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I could think of a few. Do you have a dog?


Whose paper is it REALLY? Well, mine, of course. I waited for several weeks before claiming any, but they were still there on Monday mornings. So then I thought, "Perhaps the owner is away. Better not take it."

This happened for so long that I realized the delivery person was just getting rid of extra copies rather than haul them back.

Now they're mine. Or so I thought.

Buy a paper? Why should I? I have delivery.


Yes, far too much. I cannot bear it. Woe is me.

I used to like crosswords. Gave them up for blogging.

Sienna said...

So funny!!

You guys, ha haaa. Purloined! Scurrilous, you are so cute when your mad Heartisf...twitching like a bird dog! What a dag.

Too funny!

Sorry about your paper btw...some mongrel got the legs up, slurping on coffee and reading stolen know where they will end up of course....(back at your apartment next Sunday for another paper..:) ) but this is funny.


Jay said...

That's actually kind of sad.
But to kick up the happiness a notch: they have news on the internet now!

For free!

kim said...

How rude!!! If I was you Id call and threaten to never subscribe again!!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


You make me laugh.

"Some mongrel got the legs up, slurping on coffee and reading stolen goods."

Next Sunday, I'll be waiting for the mangy mongrel.


I know. It's even on TV, I hear.

But the Sunday paper isn't really about the news. It's the Other Stuff, like the magazine section, book reviews, arts, comics. (I don't really like most comics, but they should be there all the same.)

And, you know, my paper is supposed to be free, too.


Oh, yeah. That'll put the fear of God in 'em for sure. Their whole organization will come crashing down around their ears if I cancel my sidewalk freebies.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Competition. It's everywhere these days.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Free enterprise?

Odat said...

Damn! That would have ruined my day too....tsk tsk..

CSL said...

That was a funny twist. Actually the paper I want is the Friday one, since it has the weekend section in it with local goings-on. If I get to the building where I work first, I pull that section out and have a look, then stick it back in the paper.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Yeah, peace. Grrrrr.


You return it? Novel concept, that. It must take a lot of self-discipline.

velvet girl said...

The nerve of some people. ;)

We used to get a free Sunday paper on our driveway for years. They finally stopped coming. Oh, well. It wasn't a good paper anyway.


katrice said...

They must know that the Sunday paper is the only one worth the money. It's the one with the coupons, for Pete's sake! Darn thief!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Now that is a classic example of Sour Grapes.

The excellence of the paper is not an issue. It's free.


So somebody stole MY Sunday paper for the coupons? Well, they should have taken them out and stuffed the rest back into the sack for me. Ask Csl.