Velvet Girl has tagged me to do a Christmas song meme. If I understand correctly, I am to relate my doubts or difficulties with the lyrics to a popular carol.
"God rest ye merry gentlemen,
Let nothing ye dismay,
Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas day,
To save us all from Satan's pow'r
When we were gone astray;"
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" is offensive because (duh) it seems to be yet another little men's club in which women are non-existent. You don't hear them singing about God resting merry gentleWOMEN, now do you? I rest my case.
I mean, just for starters, c'mon, guys. If it hadn't been for Mary, who by all accounts was female, where would any of y'all be? Worshiping trees, that's where. Or (gasp,) goddesses. Maybe even worshiping goddesses in trees, for all I know. Please.
Also, the song implies that all men are sinners who follow Satan. I simply do not buy this. I have, myself, personally, known one or two men who did not follow Satan. They hadn't even gone astray, really. They just refused to ask directions.
And if you want to get technical, Christ was not born on Christmas Day. It BECAME Christmas Day After The Fact. Jeez.
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is my other candidate:
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep:
She thought that I was tucked away
up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night."
Well, I don't know where to begin.
First of all, Mommy should have Child Protective Services sicked on her immediately for exposing her child to her adulterous affair with a fat trespasser who spends most of his time sneaking down chimneys. While, presumably, her husband (remember him?) sleeps in his bed upstairs, confident that his entire world is not about to come crashing down upon him and his precious innocent progeny.
Obviously Mommy is a blatant gold digger who is willing to sell her soul and her family's for an oversized bag of loot. For shame, Mommy. For shame.
What ELSE did the wanton hussy do to that dirty old man right in front of her tiny toddler, who is undoubtedly traumatized for life? Are we to believe that the sordid clandestine affair ended with an innocent tickle under the beard and a gentle kiss? I think not.
But the capper, the ultimate disgrace, is when the child is unwittingly dragged into the dirty business and forced to betray his or her own father, otherwise known as Daddy. What kind of morals can this child be expected to embrace as an adult after witnessing Mommy's shocking disloyalty and even conspiring against poor old Daddy, who will forever after be perceived as a lame duck, the cuckold who got screwed over by Santa Claus?
With great dismay, I am forced to conclude that Mommy was clearly no gentlewoman.