Thursday, November 02, 2006

Memes R Us


My Heart Hurts at "Laugh More, Love More ... Don't Be So Afraid" has tagged me to tell Nine Weird Things About Myself.

Only nine?

I don't know where to begin. Either I'm boringly normal, or so weird that my abnormalities seem normal to me. You'll have to be the judge.

1. I usually keep new clothes for awhile before wearing them, unless they're for a special occasion. I'm uncomfortable in anything that is obviously new.

2. Most of my best friends have been four-leggeds. The only animals I fear are humans. A little face licking is a small price to pay for a lack of arrogance, pretentiousness, and deception. And no, I don't hate everyone. I just find humans more generally disappointing than other animals, where what you see is what you get.

3. I don't drink because I'm allergic to liquor. After 2 or 3 sips, I feel it coursing down my arms and legs which quickly become leaden, and then my throat closes. When I broke my back and was given morphine in the ambulance, it had the exact same effect. The paramedic discontinued my drip immediately. When I just say no, strangers usually assume I'm a recovering alcoholic on good behavior, but I've never been drunk or had a hangover in my life. Nor have I ever known the pleasure of a post-coital cigarette.

4. My father cared little for me because I was a girl, so to this day, when I see a man behaving tenderly toward his daughter, I almost cry. I am so astonished by such displays of paternal affection that I question them in my mind. I look carefully for signs that the man is faking it. Sometimes I photograph the people for my collection of loving-father pictures. It seems miraculous to me, not because I consider females inferior but because I was considered so during my formative years. When girlfriends tell me that their fathers valued them and believed in their abilities, it seems like some kind of fairy tale. I wish this were not so.


5. I never deliberately kill things. I will go to great lengths to catch and free an insect, but cannot bring myself to take a life. I do entertain homicidal fantasies about my next-door neighbor, though, as discussed earlier. When I clean, I remove cobwebs or not, as the mood strikes me. The spiders live or die depending on the caprices of a creature they cannot even comprehend. Does this mean that I am God to the spiders?

6. I have far too many houseplants. They take up a disproportionate amount of space in our apartment, yet I keep buying them. I develop a personal relationship with them and believe they do well for me because of this bond as much as for the care I give them. We have our very own rain forest, but without the enchanting tribal people, some of whom eat other enchanting tribal people. I compulsively pick dead leaves off other peoples' plants, in doctors' offices, malls, friends' homes, wherever they look neglected.

7. I fear haircuts more than dentistry or surgery. I have had some really bad ones besides the self-inflicted wounds, including a few where it was cut so short that I looked like a little boy in drag. I am good about injections but can barely swallow a pill, only caplets, and with difficulty. When I was on birth control pills, I crushed them in applesauce and ate them like a baby.

8. I don't wear polish on my fingernails, but feel naked without toenail polish.

9. I love extreme weather conditions, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes. I have not experienced a tsunami, but always look for rogue waves at the beach, along with abandoned toys. (I would never steal directly from a child, though. I have my scruples, you know.) Thunder, lightning, wind and pelting rain make me feel more alive.

Flip just meandered by, peered over my shoulder, and remarked, "An unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates lives.

I pass the torch on this meme to: Mist1, Crankster and Nihilistic.

39 comments:

urban-urchin said...

Ouch you broke your back? What do they give you for pain if you can't have opiates? You're the second person I know who is allergic to alcohol.

#4 made my heart hurt. I am sorry you didn't get the dad you deserve.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Urchin,

They gave me Vicodin, which only muffled the pain slightly. I took myself off it after a week because I'd heard how fast it addicts people.

I inherited some of my favorite qualities from my father, and try to keep it in perspective. Sadly, I think he might have been proud of me for those very qualities had I been a son.

Nihilistic said...

NINE??? Ummm....Uhhhhhh...MMmmm

1 - I don't like Ice Cream

2 - When on the Muni I often have the urge to jump up and shout "ANUS" for no reason

3 - Whenever I pass a dog (Being walked usually) on the street I can't help myself but say "Hi Puppy" as I walk by (Uusally ignoring the person they are with)

4 - I stepped on a frog at the age of 10 by accident and I still get upset when I think about it.

5 - I am unable to hide my true feelings if I don't like someone...my facial expressions give me away every time but I always think I'm hiding it pefectly

6 - I don't like pizza

7 - Change doesn't scare me

8 - I've never had a cavity

9 - I'm unable to think of a ninth one because my internal voice won't shut up long enough for me to think of one...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nihilistic,

Shouting "ANUS" on the Muni seems perfectly appropriate, although it might be confusing when so many people answer at the same time.

I do the Exact Same Thing with dogs. "Hi Puppy," and never glance at the humans. And of course I have to pat their heads. They always look at me as if they expect me to save them, and I always feel bad that I can't.

My daughter tells me often that I don't hide my true feelings as well as I think. Or at all, really. She also says that my "whisper" can be heard a mile away.

She's taken up where my mother left off. I think I'm the missing link in my family. It's a good thing I don't play poker.

Old Scrote said...

The similarity of your list to mine (7 out of the 9) is spooky. If you tell me you are a Gemini too, I might even start believing in astrology.
By the way, I read once that people who say they are eccentric are, by definition, not eccentric, because you have to be unaware of your oddities to be truly eccentric. Ergo, I know that I am not eccentric. :-)
Jake

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jake,

Really. I'll have to check yours out.

I'm a Cancer, on the cusp of Gemini. June 24th.

Let me guess, you wear nail polish only on your toes too, right?

Okay, put on the samovar. I'm coming in.

Pickled Olives said...

Great list. Apparently, you have an examined life. Good for you! Sorry about your dad, it seems a shame not to have been givin validation from someone so close.

djn said...

Heart, we could talk about this dad issue that you talked about. My dad is a great man but I have always had a nagging feeling that he feels he can't relate to me -- and that maybe he doesn't like me. It has always hurt my feelings. My brother, who my dad adores, thinks I'm crazy. I think I'll write about it one of these days... Not yet.

Oh, and what you and nihilistic were saying about saying hi to all puppies... I have the same urge to say something but I always say (in the most ridiculous voice), "who's a puppa??"

Christina_the_wench said...

#4 does deserve a HUGE hug.
#6 come on over and have a ball!
#9 I am the same way. Wanna go find us a blizzard later this year?

mist1 said...

1. I have never posted a meme to my blog, but I answer them in people's comments.

2. I prefer red and purple foods. Especially, if I am upset. Yes, it can be limiting. No, I am not much fun to eat with.

3. I floss several times a day. I have flossers in my car, floss in both bathrooms, in the coffee table drawer, in my desk, and in several purses. Sometimes, I smell my floss. I am repulsive.

4. I get more magazines than I can read. Even so, I steal magazines from my shrink's office. She sets aside the Smithsonian's for me.

5. I own several charm bracelets. I never make my own charm bracelets and I never buy them new. I prefer to wear someone else's charm bracelet. I wonder what the women who owned them before me are/were like.

6. I have a collection of bug wings on my desk. I glue them on my paintings. The neighborhood kids bring them to me when they find them.

7. I keep several journals at a time. I am picky about what gets written in them. They have specific purposes.

8. I buy panties. Weekly. They make me happy. I try to buy just one pair, but I cannot restrain myself.

9. For years, I have been convinced that I have a nail fungus on my little left toe. I have no symptoms, but still, I am convinced. I have purchased every over the counter remedy. Finally, I asked my doctor for a prescription. When she told me that I didn't have a fungus, I tried to convince her. I have no idea why I think this. Every time I see pictures of nail fungus, I am terrified.

Steven Novak said...

Most of my friends have been three-legged.

Just sayin. ;)

Steve~

Odat said...

I see nothing weird about this list....sounds like mine..lol...
(i cry when I see fathers and daughters together too...mine died when I was 8).
Peace

Island Spice said...

u broke ur back?!?
I wish my dad had been more loving too. I just bully hugs out of him now. :)
and yes ur toes are naked without polish.

tell me more about this younger man thing..... :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Olives,

Well, I'm not sure this aspect of it was examined before I was tagged for this meme. I mean, who am I to judge what is weird about me?

Djn,

It sounds as if we have a lot in common. My brother had a completely different experience with our father from mine. It's really true-- anatomy is destiny.

Sniffsnort,
Puppa

Christina,

Thanks for the hug, and yes, I'd love to go blizzarding with you. I forgot to mention them because I've been in California for several years.

Mist,

Thanks for playing.

I didn't know you painted. Do you think you'll ever post photos of your work?

I think you should try to avoid the hideous toe fungus commercial which makes me avert my eyes. You know the one I mean. That could scare anyone, or at least cause some violent retching.

Steve,

Three-legged.

Do we think I want to go there?

Odat,

So sorry about your loss, which never ends. Mine lived until I was 26, but the relationship was disappointing to both of us.

Island Spice,

Nobody bullied my father into or out of anything. He had that role sewn up. But good for you for figuring out how to get what you need and deserve.

Younger men are pretty much all there are at my age. :) Does that help?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

ATTENTION BLOGGER!

PLEASE NOTE CHANGED EMAIL ADDRESS ON MY USER PROFILE PAGE. I'M STILL RECEIVING COMMENTS AT OLD EMAIL ADDRESS AND BLOGGER SUPPORT LINK NOT WORKING

THANK YOU.

melanie said...

nice list!

i am so with you on the toenail polish. Took mine off last week, and still havent put it back on. been too busy.

curmudgeon said...

Preserve cob webs?
Bugs are an outside pet. I have a house, they have a house. If there house is IN my house, they die.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Melanie,

Cool pic! I so need that shade.

Thanks for your visit.

Curmudgeon,

Well, there you go. I am God to the spiders, and you are Curmudgeon.

How was your vacation?

Michael C said...

Thank you for sharing. As a daddy of twin girls who totally make my world revolve, #4 breaks my heart. I am sorry about that.

I too don't drink but it's because of all the heart medication I am on. I have had some anethesia that made me feel the way alcohol make you feel though.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

Your little girls sound totally precious. You and they are lucky to have each other.

I knew of your heart problem and was surprised because you're so young. Was it something congenital?

Sometimes life, itself, is intoxicating enough. Booze would muffle the effect, and who wants that?

Michael C said...

To answer your question, it was congenital. I've never understood why they call it congential, because if you break the work down, well let's just say that the word tends to give the impression that it's not related to the heart ;-)

Anyone who knows me swears that I need no alcohol to live life to the fullest or to be the person I am. It seems like you feel the same way, which is great!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

I guess it comes from the same root as "genesis" and "genetic," but it seems as if "cardio" should be in there somewhere. I never thought of it before, but "congenital" seems to mean "with genitalia," which ought to be a given. And is considerably south of the affected area in your case.

I will drink to your continuing good health with Aquafina now. Cheers, salut, le'chaim, and bottoms up! (Since we're so anatomically precise.)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

BLOGGER,

PLEASE NOTE CHANGED EMAIL ADDRESS ON MY USER PROFILE PAGE. SURELY YOU MUST READ SOME OF THESE COMMENTS OUT OF BOREDOM.

MY PREVIOUS EMAIL ADDRESS WILL BE CANCELLED SOON.

The Special Sauce said...

A pleasant insight into a truly fascinating psyche.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Special,

Really? I had no idea.

Thanks for your visit. I checked out your blog and will definitely add it to my rounds.

the Laughorist said...

I do the same thing with clothes. I bought a fabulous, original, one-of-kind sweater in Dublin. Have not worn it yet. Maybe tomorrow.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Laugh,

I'll show you mine (new stuff) if you'll show me yours!

Dave Massie said...

Hey! Thanks for coming to visit me! I'm glad you liked the sunrise/sunset. I was pretty dazzled myself. I like your blog! I'm going to keep reading it to help pass the time on the ice. By the way, I can truly identify with your list of nine, especially five and six (and nine, of course) and with the exception of number eight, I think it's safe to say... :] See ya 'round!

freezerburningman.blogspot.com said...

It's not a tour since I'm not in the military. It's just a job. I'll be here until the end of Feb. and then I'll spend two weeks hitching around New Zealand, two weeks in Australia with my friend from high school (I plan to get dive certified and see the GBR), then I'll go to Hawaii to meet Chelsea for a week and then I'll an extra few weeks before returning to Seattle. If you want to drop me a line to my e-mail site, I won't have to leave these inexplicable messages that no one else can make sense of! You can find it on my blog. :] -Dave

By the way, I know who that anonymous guy was...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Dave,

Nobody has ever visited me from Antarctica before. I'm awed!

Your photography is amazing. I'm so glad Just D at Boondoggled passed the word about your great blog.

Your travel plans are truly enviable. Enjoy every minute!

Sorry about the Anonymous guy comment. I realized when I read further that you knew him. How snotty of me. There you go, # 10.

thethinker said...

To numbers 8 and 9, I agree, especially with number 9. I live on the Gulf Coast so I feel kind of obligated to enjoy/put up with hurricanes.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Thinker,

I love the Gulf Coast. I so enjoy swimming in warm water, and I so do not enjoy the cold surf off California. It would be different if I were a seal.

We're getting up a party to visit Christina-the-Wench during blizzard season. You should come. (If you're out of quarantine by then.)

Lex said...

1. I know how you feel. I used to wait 2 weeks to wear my clothes for the new school year because I didn't want to be like the rest of the dorks sporting the new gear that always ran out before people tired of keeping track.

2. Makes perfect sense.

3. I'll drink your share. It's the least I can do. Not a smoker either...ever.

4. This breaks my heart because my dad's admiration of me is palpable. I'm so sorry you didn't have this. Every girl needs her daddy's love.

5. While I respect your respect for life, this cracks me up.

6. My only bad haircuts have been the one's I've given myself. I learned to swallow pills because the thougth of tasting crushed medicine or liquid medicine makes me nauseous. One of my weird things is that I salivate profusely and become nauseous in the meds aisle of the drug store.

8. Same. Exactly the same.

9. Me TOOOOOOOO!! Thanks for making me feel normal about this. You are my barometer, you know?

katrice said...

1. I tend to do this too.

2. Can't have my face licked, but am far more comfortable with mammals who have no hidden agendas.

3. I'm learning to like some of it. Only the mild stuff though. I'd much rather taste it on someone else's lips than on my own.

4. Your comment reminds me of a book Kwesi is reading called To Own A Dragon about a boy who's concept of having a father around was much like the notion of owning a dragon. I can relate to your situation.

5. If they venture indoors, they must die.

6. Try as I might, I can't keep plants alive for long.

7. I can't swallow pills either.

8. I am bad about keeping up with it, but the toes being polished is far more necessary. I'm more prone to wear clear on the fingers.

9. Aren't storms exciting? I used to listen to news radio all night as a teen whenever there was some sort of advisory. Mostly to see whether school would be closed.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Lex,

Oh, do you mean it? You'll drink my share of the booze? Gosh, nobody has offered to do such a nice thing for me since Terri, my high school gym partner.

I couldn't do sit ups, so she did hers while I held her feet, then we switched places and she did mine. In return, I climbed the ropes twice because she was afraid of heights.

Doris, the gym teacher, who was really a man, never noticed.

Katrice,

What a great idea for a children's book since so many kids don't have fathers. And that's so very sad.

I think the secret of growing plants is to acknowledge them in your thoughts as living beings and not just decorations. Of course you need to know their light and watering requirements, too. Like anybody, they give back love when they are loved.

katrice said...

It's actually not a children's book. It's Donald Miller's account of how it was for him growing up. I know, the title sounds a little mystical. So was the idea of having a dad for him. He's also the author of Blue Like Jazz. He's a very gifted writer.

I'll try plants again, given your pointers. I love them, just don't seem to know how to show it very well. :-)

nordicbitch and texass said...

we like your blog! extreme weather conditions are the best... we had a badass storm here last night. it was great!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Katrice,

I'd heard of Miller but haven't read any of his work. I will, though, because if you like him, I suspect I will, too.

Good luck with the plants. I make house calls.

Nordicbitch and Texass,

Thanks for your visit! I enjoyed your discussion of diCaprio and think it should be noted that Cate Blanchett was amazing as Katharine Hepburn, without resembling her physically in the least.

An explosive said...

A m A Z I N G list.. and how did you ever break your back? ohmygosh! Im sorry about your Dad.. we have something in common.. i wish it was something else... with my Mom gone...I now suffer bouts of terrific jealousy everytime I see a mother and daughter together. !~M