Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dick & Jane Go To The Hospital


Last night, Flip discovered he had misplaced the manual to his recording equipment, which required both of us to ransack the apartment. We checked and rechecked all the usual suspects. He throws nearly everything into a large, antique trunk of mine, even though I have asked him not to. The Christmas ornaments are in there. They don't do well crushed under heavy mining equipment. I finally wised up and contained them in boxes with hard sides.

I suggested he get down a plastic milk crate which holds a lot of odds and ends and resides on a high shelf in the closet.

He found the manual along with many anonymous rejects from everyday life, then noticed his hand was bleeding profusely. We washed it and poured peroxide over it. It kept gushing. I managed to get his wound in a tight embrace with several bandaids, blotting all the while. He didn't whine too much. I was pleased. I went back to reading blogs.

An hour later, it was still bleeding through several changes of bandaid. I suggested again that it needed stitches, and this time he agreed to accompany me to the hospital.

It was a cold night, but the stores had closed and there wasn't much traffic. I even found a parking space two blocks away. I wanted to hold his hand but was afraid I'd kill him. Or get blood on me. The triage nurse looked at his hand and agreed that it was lucky Flip is left-handed. (When I injure my hand, it's always the right one, too, but I am right-handed. This has caused no end of inconvenience and grief, as well as surgery.)

We were ushered into a curtained area where another nurse, Scott, who kept asking us if he didn't look like "Dustin," administered a tetanus shot. He did, kind of, in an overblown sort of way. Like in "Tootsie." Dustin Hoffman is a great actor. Scott is a great nurse. And they're both male, give or take.

There was a lively debate over whether or not Flip needed stitches. The wound wouldn't stop bleeding, but on the other hand, it was over a knuckle and was more of a divot than a cut. Scott didn't think there was anything to sew together.

Enter the doctor. He looked like Wallace Shawn. He's the one in Woody Allan movies who always gets the beautiful women even though he's short, bald, and astoundingly ugly because he's hung like a horse. The doctor didn't play "Who's My Face?" with us. He was nice. He even acted like he wanted to be there, watching Flip bleed out on the cot.

The wound was sterilized and wrapped in plastic stuff that looked like it used to be a mask in a horror movie. (Again with the movies. Do you sense a theme here? ) We were fitted out with directions for its care and feeding, given several rubber gloves so Flip could keep it dry while showering, and discharged.

I stopped at the drug store to buy antibiotic wash and ointment while Flip visited the liquor store for his own idea of medicine, and we went home. He hit the remotes and I went back to blogging. (I've already seen all the Law & Order episodes at least three times.)

He bled through the bandage again. We blotted him around it and I asked if he wanted to go back to the hospital. He didn't. We wrapped it in gauze and an Ace bandage.

He finally took his injured paw to bed, and is still sleeping. I've checked him for breathing and don't see a pool of blood on the floor, so I'm hoping it finally clotted. I just discovered streaks of blood on the bathroom light switch and around the sink. It looks like a massacre took place in there. His DNA is everywhere. I should probably save it for evidence. Detective Benson will need it when she gets here.

31 comments:

Odat said...

awww....hope e'thing is ok. Sounds like what i used to have go thru a while back....always searching for something or other....In a way I still am...but I wear steel now...lol

Peace

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat,

Thanks for your good wishes. We unwrapped the mummy hand and it's still bleeding. Since he's not a hemophiliac, I think he needs to see the doctor again.

I'm ordering the suit of mail now.

curmudgeon said...

A movie theme with no Tom Cruise reference? You're slacking.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Curmudgeon,

Oops. Sorry, Sir. I'll try harder next time.

There WAS a reference to a short actor. Two, actually, as Shawn and Hoffman are both short. Does that count?

mist1 said...

My dad used to make me eat a banana when I had cuts and scrapes that wouldn't stop bleeding.

Of course, now I am allergic to bananas. Probably unrelated.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mist,

I never heard that bananas had clotting properties.

Do you bleed a lot since becoming allergic?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mist,

They do boost seratonin and I think potassium combats anemia. Your dad was smart.

Cece said...

Wow, that must've been some cut, huh? Hope he's doing better!

thailandgal said...

Geez. Hope Flip recovers soon. Still, the bathroom does sound like a potential set for CSI: (YourHomeTown) :)

Peace,

~Chani

Lex said...

I hope he's ok. What did he cut himself on?

On another note, I too have seen all the Law and Orders at least 3 times...but I can't stop watching. It's my only reprieve from the Food Network.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Cece,

It was and is some cut. In fact, it's still bleeding. The ER has done all it can do, and I'm feeling helpless.

Chani,

Our bathroom is looking a little well, bloody, right now. I would hang some of that yellow crime scene tape around it, but it would clash with the decor.

Lex,

Surely you don't watch the food network right AFTER Law & Order?

We don't know what he cut it on. The crate is back on a high shelf which I can't reach even on a stepladder, and of course I'm not about to ask him to retrieve it again.

We don't normally have daggers and giant shards of glass in secret places. It's mystifying.

katrice said...

Aww, I'm so sorry! I'm proud of Flip though. Most men are such babies when they're... oh that's right -- sick. They're pretty good troopers when hurt. I hope you all find the culprit so this doesn't happen again.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Katrice,

I was surprised, actually, because there is usually more drama. It always makes me wonder (aloud) what would have happened to the human race if men had to have babies.

Flip's standard response is that if men had to have babies, they would find a way to do it.

Yeah, right.

And this year's Wimp Award goes to.... (name any man you know. You're probably right.)

Sorry, guys. I call 'em like I see 'em.

Lee said...

I heard super-glue is a great cauterizer...is that a word?

And I loved that guy as the Sicilian in The Princess Bride!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Lee,

If it doesn't stop bleeding soon, we may try super glue.

The Princess Bride is one of my favorite books and a delightful movie.

velvet girl said...

Wow, sounds like quite the wound! Knuckle divots are the worst. I hope that Flip is on the mend soon.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hi,Velvet!

Nice to see you again.

It's pretty nasty, but seems to be healing, finally. They probably won't have to amputate his arm at the shoulder after all.

djn said...

Cracks me up... he agreed to accompany YOU to the ER. LOL

Glad there's no pool of blood surrounding him and that he seems to still be breathing. ;)

Pickled Olives said...

ooooh, I am a panicker. I would be on the phone bugging the hospital staff about the bleeding. Is he on any kind of blood thinner, to include motrin/advil? I hope it clots soon and you two are doing fine!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Djn,

Well, yeah, I just happened to be going there to hang out. I was glad he could make it.

Olive,

I did call them again. After they re-routed my call several times, I got someone who assured me that this was normal. I think she would have said that if I'd reported that his head had fallen off, though.

And no, no blood thinners or pain killers. Just an artery right beneath the site of his injury. Those damn arteries.

Michael C said...

Wow, that sounds like a pretty serious ordeal. I'd be worried if my doctor looked like that bald actor. It seems like he's always playing villians. Hope Flips rebounds quickly!

~Macarena~ said...

Incontheivable!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

He was playing a good guy that night. He was good in the role.

Macarena,

Yeth.

Crankster said...

Super glue was created as "liquid stitches," which is why it's so good at sticking your fingers together.

Sounds like a hellish night. I'm impressed that Flip seems to have taken it all so well. I hope everything's resolved itself!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Crankster,

Superglue is forever. I've had a couple of ugly experiences with it. Think webbed extremities, like a duck.

Thanks for your good wishes. He's getting there.

Kevin said...

It's amazing how sometimes we can hurt ourselves so badly and not immediately know that something is just not right.

Christina_the_wench said...

Um, does he KNOW he interrupted blogging? I hope you addressed this issue promptly, blood or no blood. Geez.

ps. I really HATE this Google/Blogger inconvenience of logging in TWICE. Where's the Midol?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Kevin,

Pain is what usually tips us off, and apparently it didn't hurt much.

Christina,

This incessant checking on us seems to be new. And the Beta thing - I don't even know what it IS, but every day I get propositioned by them to switch teams.

I expected to be twitching and jonesing at the hospital, but I handled blogging withdrawal pretty well since there were distractions. And blood.

An explosive said...

AWWWW.....YUCKKKKK.... Squamish here... so sorry.. but that sounds like something I would do to myself! ~M Hope all is well by now!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

My heart,

Thank you. I think the patient is going to live. And maybe even wash dishes again one day.

PARLANCHEQ said...

You better watch out because you will be the prime suspect in the massacre if you have DNA on you as well. ;)

But seriously, I hope he is OK!