Monday, October 09, 2006

A Hummer By Any Other Name


HUMMER has just come out with a vehicle called the Mid-Size Hummer. This is an oxymoron. Like Tiny Giant. What's next, the Compact Hummer? Maybe the Mini-Hummer?

What's the point? Besides drumming up sales, why would they do this?

The Musician remarked that back in the day, "hummer" was slang for blow job. I never heard this before. Nobody tells me ANYTHING.

So-o, you're supposed to HUM when you do it?

Whistle while you work?

Disney would be proud.

31 comments:

Odat said...

I think the whole thing about hummers is ridiculous....and Yes! I did know that BJ's were called hummers..(I don't know why I know that, he he)....but you know how guys are...the bigger the machine.........etc....

Peace!

mist1 said...

I'm afraid to hum. I might choke over my Altoid. Wink, wink.

Christina_the_wench said...

I never got why they call it a blow job either. You don't 'blow' it. Unless I missed a technique lesson somewhere....

Hummer Guy said...

"besides drumming up sales" ?? Thats what businesses do to be profitable. Did you really expect the board at GM to say, "Wow -- this would only double our sales figures from last year...but that's all...so I guess we shouldn't do it"

Michael C said...

A mid-size one? I guess that makes a killer whale a mid-sized whhale using Hummer's logic?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat,

Yes, peace. I was a TOMBOY. I should have known.

Mist,

Apparently lots of things are curiously strong.

Christina,

I've wondered about that for years. It made me feel inadequate. We all know what it SHOULD be called.

Hummer guy,

Well, no. I don't. That's a given. But the IDEA of it is absurd. That was my point.

Michael,

Yes, exactly. To make a smaller version of something known for its hugeness is silly. Why don't they call it the Hummette or something?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hummer Guy,

I just checked out your blog. I guess you sell Hummers.

I understand the military needing one that is smaller, lighter, more fuel efficient and better armored.

But civilians driving them on city streets is dangerous because other drivers can't see around them until committed to a move that could kill them.

Since they're never taken off-road, it must be about image. If GM cared a rat's ass about safely, they woudn't foist these things on people whose main concern is being cool.

jali said...

I read once about how great it's supposed to be for them if we hum, but trying to hum just makes me laugh so defeats the purpose. I've GOT to ask "A" if he wants a hummer just to see if he knows their "street name".

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jali,

I can see how laughing at such a time might put an end to the festivities.

katrice said...

Too much vehicle. I love big trucks, but my vehicles have been getting increasingly smaller. It's just irresponsible to burn that much oil, and that much money.

As for the BJ pseudonym, I had no idea. I agree with Christina. There's no blowing involved, and if so, it certainly isn't the main thing.

curmudgeon said...

If you can whistle while you do it I think you're doing it wrong.

Maricopa Mark said...

mini-hummer = kazoo

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Katrice,

Maybe if the name was more accurate, there'd be more of it going around. So to speak. It's just a thought.

Curmudgeon,

That is such a relief.

Mark,

Don't know much about kazoos. My husband's a guitarist.

Kevin Charnas said...

And those commercials about "reclaiming your manhood"...yeah...okay.

The Hummers are perfect representations for how main-stream America thinks. BIG and entitlement.

~Macarena~ said...

They still call it a hummer.

You can blow on it.

A "Hummette" would be for girls!
Next up: HMMWV tricycle.

An explosive said...

OH my....

Hummers are ridiculous.. what's the point considering what gas costs these days ?

As for the other kind of hummers...hmmm... I might have missed that memo too... M

The Law Fairy said...

UGH, hummers. I despise SUVs with every ounce of will in my body. They destroy the environment and kill other drivers, and now, because they're eating up all our oil, we have to send teenagers to die in Iraq fighting a farcical "war" that has never been about anything but oil. Bleah.

And what I *REALLY* hate about SUVs and their drivers is that these inconsiderate oafs park their cars in "compact" spots ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Dude, if you want the compact spot, BUY A COMPACT CAR SO YOU DON'T EAT INTO TWO SPOTS AND SO YOU DON'T DENT MY CAR PULLING INTO A SPOT THAT WAS NOT MADE FOR YOUR STUPID HUGE UGLY-ASS DESTRUCTION MACHINE.

Erm... yeah, I hate hummers. In case that wasn't clear. Not so fond of their drivers either.

As for BJs, I highly recommend trying to hum. You don't have to hum a song in particular -- you can even make it more like a moaning noise, which I've found fits nicely with the mood (better than humming, say, the Star-Spangled Banner or somesuch ;)). You may feel silly, but he will be too enthralled to care WHAT he's hearing. Trust me, your guy will be grateful for a loooooong time...

And guys, it can work on the ladies, too, if you do it right. Just throwing that out there.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, Kevin, I LOVE you! Big and Entitled. How about Obnoxious and Insecure? I know, that's so un-American of me.

Far too many people of both genders are reclaiming their manhoods these days, and there is no justification for having these things on the road.

Macarena,

Tricycle, indeed. I just saw a tot barely old enoough to walk riding an electric vehicle down the sidewalk that probably cost more than my Camry. His net worth likely exceeds mine as well, and he doesn't even know what money is yet.

I could be jealous if I didn't find such anthropological field studies highly entertaining.

My heart,

How could we have missed out on such valuable information? Beats me. (Hee hee.)

Law Fairy,

Once again, most of the population is choosing trendy over practical. It's possible some buy SUV's to feel safer since so many OTHER people drive them. Badly. Everything you said is true and I totally agree. I have several temper tantrums a week because of the bad attitudes and horrible driving of too many SUV owners. The whole thing is yet another symptom of our sick and absurd society.

And your infomercial about bj's will be helpful to so many of us who flunked the course the first time around. Ty.

Michael C said...

A Hummette? That's great! You should call GM's marketing department and suggest it. Though what would you do if they rewarded you with one? Why, sell it of course!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

Yes. For a Carrera.

Do you really think they would reward me for the idea? I'd feel so cheap. I'd feel like a cheap person in a Porsche, though.

I could feel worse.

Nihilistic said...

You never heard of a BJ called a hummer? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nihi,

Um.


Um.


Well... um.

curmudgeon said...

Nihilistic,
Give her a break! She just learned how to flip the bird!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Curmudgeon,

THANK YOU!

Nihilistic,

Not everyone has had your advantages.

Sven said...

My wife used to dish drinks at a sports bar. She and her coworker would refer to the big 23oz beer mugs as hummers, mostly to get a rise out of the male patrons. They would saunter up to a table and ask, "Would you like a hummer?"

Always good for a chuckle.

Lex said...

Can somebody suggest a tune? I mean, what really fits the occasion?

She works hard for the money?
Can't touch this?
Sexual healing?

I'm at a loss.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Sven,

It must have been a big seller.

Lex,

Paris Hilton doing "She works hard for her money." Donna Summer sings better and looks better, but that might be distracting.

urban-urchin said...

I always snigger a bit when someone says Hummer- it's the 11 year old in me.

Once when I was a teenager, I was having a discussion with my mother about a boy I didn't want to continue dating. She says "So why don't you give him a blow job?" My brother and I almost choked on our coffee. We had to explain to her what she had just suggested instead of the "blow him OFF" that she had intended.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Urchin

This story is notable for two reasons:

(1) You mother used the term "blow job," even though incorrectly.

(2) She let you drink coffee.

As I've explained elsewhere in my blog, people in my family didn't have body parts. My brother and I were the results of immaculate conception. Twice. (Take THAT, Mary.)

I'm afraid I will always snigger, too, when I hear the word "hummer," now that I know what it means.

PARLANCHEQ said...

Ha! The compact Hummer. I am holding out for that one. :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Parlancheq,

Better yet, the Matchbox version. I want that one.