Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats, Part II


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And always be my very best friend.


I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.


Christina_the_wench said...

Amen. lmao

mist1 said...

Can I get two like that? I mean, in case I get bored.

Lex said...

You've nailed our differences perfectly with this one!!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hi Christina!



Get 'em while they're hot.


I didn't write it, but thought it was on the money.

urban-urchin said...

sing it sister...

djn said...

Yep! That's it in a nutshell...

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Loud and clear. It was sent to me by Older Daughter, and I thought it might strike a chord with you guys.


Yeah. Nuts is right.

katrice said...

ROFLMBO! This is a classic!

Irene said...

Bwahahaha! Funny AND true! :p

You have a mighty entertaining blog. I'm liking it! c",)

Odat said...

Ah, to be so simplistic.....


Nihilistic said...

Too funny!


Hmm, do men such as those described even exist? Straight men, I mean. ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Hee hee.


Hey! You're the new kid on the block. Nice to meet you and thanks for visiting.


Yeah. Well.


Hearts and flowers to you, too!


Good question. I'll have my people look into it and call your people when they find out. It may take awhile, however.

An explosive said...

AMEN! Now if I may copy it and post to all my girlfirends! lol ~M

heartinsanfrancisco said...

My heart,

A good laugh should always be shared.

Michael C said...

Very, very funny (at least the man's part). I will pary the woman's prayer along with you, if you'd like.

Dan said...

The man's poem is simply not true. She does not have to own a golf course!


Old Scrote said...

Right on, Dan! I agree with whoever described golf as an excellent way of ruining a pleasant walk.
Another thing: I like my poems to scan and rhyme.
Just wanted to set the record straight, Heart :-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I've never actually asked a man how big my behind is. Some things a woman just knows.


Oh, that is such a relief!

My husband bought me a set of golf clubs years ago. I cheered up immensely when I realized that the pocket in the caddying bag was big enough to hold a book.


Don't shoot the messenger. I didn't write it. Whoever did was on the level of Edgar Guest, but funnier.

Kristi said...

Yeah, but wouldn't it creep you out if the guy said the first poem?

Pendullum said...

Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!!

The Law Fairy said...

lol, thanks for the laugh, heart.

I need to print this out and show it to the next person who asks me why I don't date ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Excuse me? Show me the guy.


Oh. You golf?

Law Fairy,

The deaf-mute nymphomaniacs have an unfair advantage. Who can we sue?

the Laughorist said...

Oh, so we don't have to worry anymore about putting the seat down? Thanks!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Where did you get that idea? You think I'm tough on smokers, wait'll you see what happens after I fall in.

Pickled Olives said...

LOL! My husband certainly DIDN'T get what mens poem requests!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


You don't own a liquor store or a golf course? You'll have to be more specific.