Carl's Jr.'s Spokeslut

Meat the Press

It's been clear for a long time who Carl's Jr.'s preferred customers are -- people so zestful that they would dip fries into a puddle of ketchup on the floor of their pickup trucks just for fun. People for whom letting it all hang out is a cherished prerogative. People who might feel uncomfortable eating at the more elegant McDonald's. And that's saying a lot.

Only Carl's Jr. would have a commercial featuring an unborn child giving his mother attitude and threatening to rip out her insides because she eats jalapenos. The laconic overvoice, the one you want to smack, says "the spicy six-dollar burger with crispy jalapenos ain't for babies."

As if that weren't enough, the fast food chain has paid Paris Hilton $400,000 to do a commercial in which she washes her Bentley in a thong bikini. The ad features water hoses shooting all over the place while she lathers every inch of the car with thick foamy "soap" before taking in (all in) a huge burger which is too big even for her mouth. And that's saying a lot, too.

What is our fascination with this person, anyway? She first came to our attention in an amateur sex video leaked by an ex-boyfriend, whom she sued but later settled with for a very meaty chunk of the action. It can't be so titillating that heiresses actually have sex, but this girl has made herself a pornographic icon, for which she gets paid huge sums of lucre.

Unlike other prostitutes, though, she has plenty of options. She may be stupid, crass and not even pretty, but it's a pretty safe guess that she doesn't need the money.

The word is that Carl's Jr.'s business is booming since they began airing these ads, as well as the one on their website of Paris which even they deemed inappropriate for TV.

I suppose starring women in their commercials is progress for a company that formerly targeted young men. They want us to know that they don't discriminate, that it's all right for women to be crude and disgusting too. And that, ladies, is so very comforting.