Saturday, April 03, 2010
Things just get better and better for Sandra Bullock. Now rumors have surfaced that one of Jesse James' mistresses - I'm not sure which one because I am mathematically challenged over 1,000 - was pregnant with his child within weeks of his marriage to the Academy Award winning actress.
James' lawyer claims that his client is a "broken man." "This whole thing has destroyed Jesse's entire universe," he said. "Right now, he's a broken man." This would seem to imply that an arbitrary universe caused these events to happen to a passive, helpless James. What a grotesque attempt at damage control! Adultery doesn't just happen -- you have to take off your clothes first. He is portrayed as desperate to save his marriage and allegedly told Bullock that he would get help “like Tiger" because he is still in love with her. Does he think that broaching the "T" word somehow elevates his behavior? Safety in numbers maybe? I'm sure that he and his role model will be a great comfort to each other in dick rehab.
"The single most important thing to Mr. James and the children is that the marriage somehow survive," his lawyer declared. He even said it with a straight face, which is quite impressive. He probably gets a few million extra for that.
When all else fails, round up the usual suspects. The Oscar Curse. Give me a break. Meryl Streep has won so many times that she probably has an entire wing of her house consecrated to her statues, and has been married to the same man for 89 zillion years. I'm guessing the dude does not cheat.