Wednesday, April 14, 2010

RIP, My Friend


I just learned some shocking news. Chani of the blog "Finding My Way Home" died on March 23rd. While we have never met in person, we emailed each other often and chatted on the phone many times. She was in the process of moving, and I thought that perhaps I couldn't reach her because she wasn't yet hooked up in her new place. Today I remembered the name of the apartment complex she was moving to, and just got off the phone with the manager who told me that "no one can speak to her now but Jesus."

I don't know what happened, but I'm very sad. If I recalled the name of the family whose home she rented space in for many years, I would call them. Chani was only in her 50's, a highly intelligent, courageous and compassionate woman and a good friend. She had a small dog named Shanti. I don't know what will become of the dog. I will miss Chani, and I know that many of you will, too. If anyone knows of a way we can honor her memory, please share it. Thank you.

54 comments:

TechnoBabe said...

I did not know her and not been to her blog. Sorry I missed knowing her. She sounds like a wonderful and intelligent woman. She was young to take her last breath on earth, but I can tell by what you write here that she contributed wondrously to humanity while she lived.

justme said...

oh my gosh, i was wondering what had happened....

i cannot believe that. i wonder if there is any way to find out what had happened to her. i am in shock. we emailed from time to time. very sweet soul

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Babe,

You would have liked Chani, and she would have liked you.

Justme,

I just remembered the name of the woman whose home she lived in and found her number online. She said that Chani had a heart attack and died in her sleep.

justme said...

thank you so much for checking on that. so sad.

meno said...

WHAT??? What the hell? I've been reading her since she started. I too thought she was in the process of moving.

Oh my god. I'm so sad.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Justme,

Yes, I feel terribly sad too.

Meno,

It seems unreal. She never got to her new home and her new life. So very sad.

secret agent woman said...

Oh my God! I'm so sorry to hear about Chani. I noticed she'd not posted in a bit. I admired her, and just hate to hear the sad news.

Bob said...

oh my. I don't know what to say. She constantly searched for her better self, and usually found it. I am so sorry she didn't get to move to Thailand - her spiritual home. I really expected her to make it.

I'm guessing she's finally made it.

Cloudia said...

I think you just did. and we join you.

Funny, my post tomorrow is about the connections we bloggers make...



Aloha from Waikiki


Comfort Spiral

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Agent,

I had the feeling something was terribly wrong but hoped that I was wrong.

Bob,

She was more invested than most people in becoming her best possible self, and also her own harshest critic.

Cloudia,

I look forward to reading your post. It's true that fellow bloggers sometimes feel as much like friends as those we know in real life.

Molly said...

So sorry to hear this...I'd wondered because she has posted so infrequently of late. But when she did, it sounded like she had found some peace and serenity at last. She was a courageous woman who had suffered a lot in her life. I sincerely hope she has found peace.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

So do I, Molly. So do I. I think I tried so hard to find her because of my strong feeling that she was gone. I really wanted to prove myself wrong.

nick said...

I only read Chani's blog now and again but it's still unsettling when someone dies so early and so unexpectedly. I suppose it reminds us yet again to live life to the full while we are able to.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I am so sorry to hear of Chani's passing. May she be at peace. It has been a sad week, as I just learned that another blogger Dr. John also passed away,

Voyager said...

I did not read her blog, but she sounds like a beautiful person.I'm sorry you have lost a friend.
V.

mrwriteon said...

I am immensely saddened to read this, Susan. I was a regular at her blog and she and I not only shared some wisdom but some life experiences.

If you look at her last blog entry you will see a certain profound irony in her opening line.

Thanks for passing this on, as sad as it is.

mrwriteon said...

In fact I found Chani's blog through you.

Geneviève said...

I was used to read her blog at times. This death seems unfair, regarding her last hopes and decisions. But is there a fair death?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

Every death should be a reminder to live while we can. We never know how long we'll have.

Calvin,

I'm so sorry to hear that. I didn't read Dr. John's blog but I know of him.

Voyager,

It's particularly ironic that it occurred just as she was trying to change her life, but maybe we're all doing that in one way or another.

Ian,

I looked at her post again and you're right about the first line. It's chilling in retrospect. I know you commented there often, and she liked you.

Genevieve,

Other than people like Hitler, you raise a good point about fair deaths. I remember you from Cecilieaux's blog - thank you for stopping by here.

Cecilieaux said...

And here's the man himself. I'm amazed and stunned. Chani was the first person whom I didn't actually know to visit my blog, and cheer me on, when I first started blogging.

She had a light touch and although we didn't always agree, she was a wonderful person with whom to explore ideas.

Heartin: I have her real name if you want it. She was originally from Los Angeles, so her family is probably there. E-mail me.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Cecil,

I really don't know what to say. When someone dies out of turn, or so it seems, a part of me is waiting for them to pop up and in effect, say "April Fool". Maybe I saw too many Roadrunner cartoons as a child.

Deb S. said...

You have my condolences. I just learned about Chani via Ian (mrwriteon), and I just visited her blog for the first time. I like the site.

It's unfortunate that I didn't know of Chani before now. You were blessed to have known her.

French Fancy said...

Like Deb S I heard of her passing on Ian's blog. I'm only sorry I never knew her or her blog. She sounded a fascinating woman.

TaraDharma said...

sad news, indeed. thanks for letting us know.

witnessing am i said...

Thanks for passing along the news and finding out more information.

I am saddened as the blog community affords us to touch so many lives, even remotely.

Thank you, dear friend.

Carol said...

Oh. Thank you for posting about this. I used to follow her blog much more than I have lately, but I do still check in from time to time. What a shock!

We just never know, do we...

For her sake, I'm happy that her last days were spent in kindness and with hope and excitement for her new living space.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Deb,

Thank you for stopping by and for your kind thoughts. Any friend of Ian's is a friend of mine.

Fancy,

I appreciate your visit, too. I recognize your name from Ian's blog, which I also frequent regularly.

Tara,

We bloggers are connected, but in most cases don't share real life events or friends so we lack the usual channels to find out such things.

David,

I'm glad you checked in. I feel a need to make sure my blog friends are still standing.

Carol,

I'm just sorry that she didn't get to her new place and her new life after looking forward to it for so very long. Life is strange, isn't it?

wheelsonthebus said...

Thank you for telling us.

slouchy said...

That's tragic. I am stunned.

I hope she did indeed find her way home.

Liv said...

Thanks for posting this however difficult it may be. She was a courageous and bravely outspoken woman. Her presence will be missed.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wheels,

You're welcome.

Slouchy,

I'm stunned, too. She always said she had no attachment to living, but I hoped that would change once she was in happier circumstances.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Liv,

Yes, I often thought that Chani kept the rest of us honest. And you are right - it was difficult to post as it always is to be the bearer of sad news.

Titanium said...

This space was too small,
And she went outside.
She put her foot on the Living Road
And is carried
To the heart of the world.

slouchy said...

If anyone wants to share memories of Chani in the comment section of my blog, I just republished a guest post she once wrote for me.

I'd be honored if people wanted to talk about her there or offer condolences:

http://www.slouchingmom.com/2010/04/few-minutes-ago-i-heard-news-that-chani.html

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Titanium,

Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts here.

Slouchy,

I read your post, and Emily's, and was touched. Chani left a very large hole and many flowers un-sniffed.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

This is sad and unexpected news. We corresponded and visited each other's blogs often. I pray for those who called her friend, including myself.

Thank you for posting this, my friend

PeterAtLarge said...

I'm shocked. And saddened. I read her last post with a chill: "we know this ship is going to sink," she wrote. "The place has a haunted feel to it." The place she was about to leave, and looking forward...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

St. Nick,

Maybe the deaths of our friends are a rehearsal for our own.

Peter,

It shocks me all over again every time I think of her. Her whole post is full of foreshadowing from today's perspective.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Hearts,

I am so very, very sorry to learn of this news.
~HUGS~


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Gadfly said...

Chani, I and your other Lifering support friends miss you indeed.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Scarlett,

Thank you!

Gadfly,

I'm sorry for your loss, too.

Angela said...

I'm going to miss Chani a lot. Thank you for posting what you learned; I didn't have any idea.

Monah said...

I spoke with Chani every week as part of a conference call " meeting" we had for over 3 years. She was wonderful and fiesty and full of opinions. And I grew to be her friend. I am so grateful you knew the name of the woman she lived with to find out what happened< as I have been calling and waiting for my Chani to be on the phone. She always was there.
Rest in peace Chani. You are home.
Mona, your lifering buddy.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Hi Angela!

I know. I miss her too. I keep expecting an email or call, and then I remember all over again.

Mona,

Chani mentioned you often while telling me about those conference calls, which apparently got quite heated at times. I know she was fond of you, too. Thank you for coming by here... I'm sorry to meet you like this.

Warty Mammal said...

I am so sorry. That is a dreadful shock. On some level I'm glad you found out for certain, though, instead of just having to wonder what had become of her.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Warts,

Yes, it's always better to know even if what you learn is not good news.

Kathryn Knoll said...

she is, at last, in her new home! Sad for us to lose her, but now she is at peace and in her new home on the other side....

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Kathryn,

Thank you for your visit and kind thoughts.

Laurie said...

I haven't been keeping up with blogs very well lately, but often saw Chani on Facebook. Since I hadn't seen her post there recently, I went to her blog to see how things were going and saw your comment. I can't believe that she is gone...as you said, I keep expecting someone to say April Fool's.I remember sending her a picture I took at the Denver Botanic Gardens, because it reminded me so much of her and that is how I imagine her now...sitting in a garden next to a bonsai tree, the sweet smell of exotic flowers surrounding her. Rest in peace, Chani. You will be missed.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Laurie,

What a perfectly lovely image that is! I, too, imagine Chani in a beautiful, peaceful garden with fragrance, birdsong, and the sound of water burbling over mossy rocks. The sky is impossibly blue, and her heart is filled with love and happiness.

Thank you for your most welcome visit.

GoGo said...

I'm sorry your friend passed away.
I hope you get to find out exactly what happened.

~GoGo

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Go-Go,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and your visit.

Meredith B. said...

wow. late to hear the sad news. I read a lot of what she wrote and found her a very interesting person. I would have liked to see her realize her ultimate goal of location.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Meredith,

So would I, although she was moving elsewhere in Sacramento, not to Thailand. Not yet. I'm not sure why. But her sudden death was a shock, and perhaps a wake-up call not to put off living the lives we want. I miss Chani.