Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Fly Like An Eagle


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi today announced that the Democrats will change the country's emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the new government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

41 comments:

cece said...

LMAO!

moontopples said...

HinSF: I don't know what kind of condoms Ms. Pelosi is used to, but a condom really should only be used to protect one prick at a time.

mist1 said...

But are they ribbed for my pleasure?

furiousBall said...

mist1, they are ribbed, but the selfish dick in charge turns them inside out so he gets all the pleasure

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Cece,

Nice primary colors.

Moontop,

Politicians are adept at screwing many people at a time. (And little else.)

Mist,

I really liked the eagle.

Furious,

Figures.

The Law Fairy said...

heart,

will they be Trojan condoms? I've always thought Trojan was a terrible name for a condom brand... I always think of the Trojan Horse.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Law Fairy,

Me, too. It isn't really advisable to giggle when condoms are produced, though.

Why don't they just call them Fifth Column?

thethinker said...

Haha, that was great.

And so very true.

Pickled Olives said...

are you sure she's not outing bush/chaney's plan? Maybe instead of trojan, it should be magnum - because it can hold a bigger prick.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Thinker,

Sadly, it is so true. We're all being screwed, and I don't think we're enjoying it much.

Olives,

The bigger, the better. Here is a clear instance where size does matter.

urban-urchin said...

OMG. That was too funny. Then throw in the comments and I can't stop giggling.

I am not Star Jones said...

and remember if it is changed to a condom, there will be no more children for bush to leave behind.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Urchin,

It seems as if Ms. Pelosi will make a difference. Or at least make us laugh.

NotStar,

That's true. So who can we leave behind then?

Michael C said...

Very funny. I had heard rumors of Condomomics. I guess it's like voodoo economics??

Mairin said...

That was good. LOL

Le Nightowl said...

Ouch!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

Anything that ends in "omics" means more money for the government. Except comics. And they ARE the government.

Mairin,

Thanks for coming by!

Marie,

Stop crying. You're French. :)

And please send croissants.

Ryane said...

Great. Just what we need...something else that will enable the government to screw us.
=-)

That was hilarious!

Dave said...

It's been a longggg time since I have laughed so heard at a blog! Reagrding the post... "Ain't that the truth!"

Odat said...

I think it's the thought that counts. Don't you?

Christina_the_wench said...

I prefer french ticklers myself.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ryane,

Our government is resourceful and never runs out of ways to screw us.

I think it's called American Ingenuity.

Dave,

Sadly, it is.

Thanks for your visit.

Odat,

Always.

Christina,

Their colors are also red, white and blue, so no one will ever know.

Lee said...

I really, really wanna say something clever and witty here about reservoir tips...but alas, I'm dry.

You again, are brilliant.

Thailand Gal said...

Oh, gosh. Um. Well.. it fits! LOL


Peace,

~Chani

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Lee,

Dry reservoir tips. Hmmmm. I'm not going to touch that one.

You give me too much credit. I didn't write it; I just shared it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Chani,

Sadly, it does fit. It's a pretty grim business being so flagrantly violated.

velvet girl said...

That's funny!

I'm guessing that they won't be take us out to dinner and a movie first.

-velvet

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Velvet,

You mean like foreplay? (Snorts.) I don't think so.

Does the word "wham-bam" mean anything to you?

curmudgeon said...

How timely - now that democrats are the majority. ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mudge,

I don't think it matters much anymore who is in power. They are all scurrilous scallywags. (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence.:)

Jocelyn said...

At first glance of the photo, I thought, "My, what a bright life buoy."

Er, not so much.

You demonstrate here how a couple of sentences can say everything a post needs to.

Kevin Charnas said...

Well, the Republicans didn't even use lube on us.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jocelyn,

I thought it was a life preserver, too. (And I guess it is, in a way.)

Kevin,

What a difference K-Y makes...

jali said...

So what do you think of the new Haliburton condoms the government is sending to the troops?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jali,

I don't like anything Halliburton does, but I read that troops put condoms on their rifle muzzles to keep out sand. They also use Silly String to help detect trip wires.

I am not for this war, and hate that we keep sending young people to Iraq to die. I believe Bush is doing what he thinks is right, but in my view, he is misguided.

Any innocence I still possessed was destroyed on 9/11, and I feel very gloomy about the future.

Pendullum said...

I will never look at American politcs the same ....

Steven Novak said...

BUt if they are ribbed they feel extra kick ass while doing it. ;)

Steve~

Liz said...

I've heard they're going to market them to teens to raise political awareness in today's youth. It would be so cute if they came in different colors, red for Republican, blue for Democrat, red and blue striped for independent.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pendullum,

Well, that's a GOOD thing, right?

Steve,

Especially, as Furiousball pointed out, if they are ribbed on the INSIDE.

Liz,

Yes, really cute. And maybe they could also be color-coded according to sexual preference, striped or polka-dotted for undecideds and double-hitters. All of which seems to fall under the province of politics these days.

roonie said...

Now who can really dispute that we needed a woman in this position? WHOO HOO! How ya like her NOW?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Roonie,

Let's all woohoo for the red, white and blue.