Friday, September 29, 2006

Oh My God!

Could I be a girl after all?

BLOOMINGDALE'S opened its flagship West Coast store in San Francisco yesterday. We went over today to look around. I don't like crowds or loud music, but I think I could make an exception if the Bloomingdale gods allowed me to live there.

I would sleep on a different gorgeously appointed bed every night, and have a limitless array of truly divine clothes to wear. I would never get them cleaned or laundered, just replaced, or look at price tags. There would be shoes. Tall ones, flat ones, happy shoes, cruel shoes.

I would play house with thousand-dollar pots, and try out every brand of skin care known to woman. I would ride the escalators up and down all night, after the intruders left. My nourishment would come from Godiva chocolate, my favorite food group. There would be whole days when I wore nothing but cashmere. I would be dripping in diamonds at all hours and use The Good Crystal every day. I would patrol the floors to make sure no one bought anything good in my size. I would be a force to be reckoned with. The Phantom of the Department Store.

And when I died, my ashes would be scattered over the perfume counter. And I would dwell in the House of Bloomingdale forever.



Anonymous said...

Do they have a sporting goods section? Please, oh please!!! My kingdom for a pencil popper and a good bait-casting reel (on sale, of course). The sweet smell of fresh caught fish on the beach just before the Great Fisherman throws them back with a smile.

Damned girl, I miss that little slice of the planet you live near.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


You throw them back? I like that in a man.

No sporting goods section. Sorry. Unless you count so-called "sports clothes" that ne'er a drop of sweat doth mar.

urban-urchin said...

I am actually sad that we moved before the opening of the new store. I was really looking forward to it.

I love that you would make sure no one bought anything good in your size, that's so me.

djn said...

Oh to live only in cashmere for even just a day...

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I'll guard your size, too. Promise.



Michael C said...

Isn't it great when we all find our true home?


heartinsanfrancisco said...


A bit unsettling, though. I always thought mine would be in a tree.

Lex said...

And when you go, will you not leave me comfortless and prepare a comparable place for me??? Oh, please?

Right now I'm doomed to Marshall's, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


You'll always be welcome in My Store. We'll leave the dressing room open for you. (Thanks, Mark. And Motel 6.)

Marshall's is a treasure hunt. They make you work hard for the discount prices.

I'm worried, though. What if God gets confused and I end up living in the Goodwill instead? :(

Lex said...

Now THAT's a treasure hunt. I love thrift stores. Sad. But true.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I like them, too, because it's fun to find something and assign it a whole different purpose. Flea markets and yard sales are even better, and lack that distinctive (and STINK-tive) Goodwill smell.

An explosive said...

Yes...what she said! :)

~Macarena~ said...

Thrist stores are awesome.
Please pet the vinyl for me.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

My heart,

:<) !!


Does it bite?


Bloomies! I haven't been there is years. There is one in MA, but at a suburban shopping center I hardly ever go to because it thinks too highly of itself. ;0

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Oh, yes indeedy. It certainly does. I hadn't been in Bloomies since I left NY long ago, and it still has that NY attitude.

It's so vast I feared getting lost in there, as I did the one time I visited Ikea. They make it fiendishly hard to find your way out. Much better scenery than Ikea, though.