Friday, May 30, 2008
They never tire of showing those polygamous Latter Day Saint women in their horrible dresses and sausage-rolled pompadours on television.
The fundamentalist women never cut their hair because they expect to use it to wash Christ's feet at the Second Coming. Their clothing is intended to make them unattractive to the outside world and other men, and their remarkable success at this endeavor is indisputable.
"How would you like to have thirty-five wives?" I asked Flip.
"Oh, God," he moaned.
"It would be pretty crowded around here," I said. "Every wife would have her own cat with its own litter box. That's a lot of head of cat - and bathrooms."
He suddenly looked very, very sick.
"What if every cat had cystitis?"
He didn't dignify that with an answer.
I couldn't blame him.
"Every time you gave one of them a present, you would have to give the same present to all the others. It could get expensive."
He looked as if he were choking.
"To say nothing of 20 children per wife..."
"Your Indian name would be Many Wives. You know, I could use a little help with the laundry. And things."
"I've got your help right here."
I'm waiting for a polyandrous sect to make headlines. When women can have multiple husbands, then we'll talk.