The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to begin with.
2. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
5. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. INOCCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. HIPATITIS: Terminal coolness.
9. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease.
10. KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
11. DECAFALON: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. GLIBIDO: All talk and no action
13. DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. CATERPALLOR: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
17. IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
35 comments:
Oh my god, these are so funny. I love Sarchasm, and Glibido, but they're all good! Thanks for sharing those. I needed a laugh!
These are hilarious! Oh my goodness. Have you tried making up some of your own? I'd have to think about it....
Webfrog - the voice one uses when writing a whiney blog. ;)
How about Cinecism - the feeling that too many films are just a Hollywood formula designed to make another 100 million dollars? (okay, I've cheated and changed two letters). A hilarious list anyway - thanks for sharing!
I've done that spider web dance. There sould definitely be a word for it.
Thank you for these, they are wonderful. I might try a few of my own.
These are hilarious, but a couple should have been disqualified for breaking the rules. Just when I thought I'd picked a favorite I found another fav. Really cool.
Ignoranus! Ha! I gonna have to use that from now on.
quite good. I've suffered from 14 guite a few times.
These are really funny, Heart. Really great. I do believe "ignoranus" has immediately found its way into my daily vernacular.
Not an equal to this, but I have been thinking of the phrase, "blogged down," for I haven't been writing on blog as of late, kind of run down with too much outside stuff, nothing to write, blah blah blah.
I know lots of ignoranuses. LOTS!!!
One of the reasons I always like the washington post!
Mojo,
I think my favorite is ignoranus, but I also love dopeler effect and beelzebug.
Claudia,
Webfrog! I'll have to think of some, too.
Nick,
Cinecism is great.
Citizen,
Spider webs are beautiful until you're wearing them.
Meno,
Please do. I'd love to hear them.
Lex,
Whichever one I was reading was my new favorite, too.
Andy,
It's definitely found a home with me.
Wng,
So many ignoranuses, so little time.
Lu,
As have we all.
Thanks for your visit.
David,
Blogged down is excellent. And I hope you come out of retirement soon.
Say it,
Well, they don't have a monopoly on them. They're everywhere!
Oh my, those are hilarious!
Don't I feel duh, I stopped here from a link wng posted on YJKOBT and didn't even pay attention to who's blog it was. Then you popped over to pagreenery and I popped back here wondering who you were. I try and be quick when viewing at work... Sounds feasable don't you think *wink*
Craze,
They're great. I wish I'd thought of them!
Lu,
I read your link list to see how you came to visit here, but must have missed Wng's name.
Ok, Missy, back to work now! :)
I've always liked (cos I invented it) 'Ambivulance', which is an emergency vehicle in which the EMTs don't give a damn where they drop you.
That was fun, lovely friend.
I LOVE those~~
My favorite is the last one... IGNORANUS - I run into folks like this every day!
Oh my buddy WNG led me here too... LOVE your blog. I want to read more... Care if I add you to my 'roll ?
I love beelzebug and bozone! They're all great though and very very funny!
I think my favorite is Dopeler effect. What a great line!
Ian,
"Ambivulance" is plain wonderful!
Doc,
Thank you for coming by -- any friend of Wng's is a friend of mine. And I'm flattered that you want to add me to your blog roll.
I think we all run into far too many ignoranuses every day.
Liz,
I think they're all really clever. too. There is a Beelzebug in my room right now and he is not responding to my entreaties to take his little ass outside.
Crankster,
I love that one, picturing those ideas losing value as they fade into the distance.
I love this stuff!
Good stuff!
Katrice,
I really admire people who are so clever.
Slip,
Good like --- retirement, or just good like other things?
Wng,
It's not about you? Omg, I had no idea.
I'm so enjoying your peeps, but then that's not surprising as you're pretty awesome, too.
I laugh at 'em every year. Love.
Reintarnation is da bomb, oh my god. What's yours? (And if you already answered I apologize because I haven't had time to read through everyone's comments, late to the party as I already am.)
______
I am still in fits over your "Clitterus Clatticus"....(the neighbor with high heels on wood), and some of the other names/words you use Hearts....I actually wrote them down and they are floating around the office somewhere....these new words are good, but not a patch on yours.
There was a type of Shakespearian name/description, it is my all time favorite classic.
Pam
These never stop being funny...despite the fact that the whole thing is Mensa-sponsored!
Wendy,
Reintarnation is great! I think they're all really clever.
Pam,
You're close. It was actually "cliteris clatteris" I said in reference to the next door whore with 7" heels.
"Clatticus" sounds like a Roman gladiator. I can work with that.
Jocelyn,
I think they justify their existence with this yearly exercise.
I have an ignoranus for a partner, but you already knew that.
Monty,
So many ignoranuses, so little time.
Oh I always love these! And I hadn't seen this year's picks yet....Thank you!
Molly,
Aren't they great? I look forward to them, too.
KARMAGEDDON is definitely my fave. hahahahaha. how about CHERROR: a super fan who wakes up from what he thinks is a nightmare only to realize his entire collection of Cher has been stolen.
Jameil,
Cherror is GREAT! I thought it was going to mean "fear of Cher," though.
Superb!
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