Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Wordz


The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to begin with.
2. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
5. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. INOCCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. HIPATITIS: Terminal coolness.
9. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease.
10. KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
11. DECAFALON: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. GLIBIDO: All talk and no action
13. DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. CATERPALLOR: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
17. IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

37 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Oh my god, these are so funny. I love Sarchasm, and Glibido, but they're all good! Thanks for sharing those. I needed a laugh!

On a limb with Claudia said...

These are hilarious! Oh my goodness. Have you tried making up some of your own? I'd have to think about it....

Webfrog - the voice one uses when writing a whiney blog. ;)

Nick said...

How about Cinecism - the feeling that too many films are just a Hollywood formula designed to make another 100 million dollars? (okay, I've cheated and changed two letters). A hilarious list anyway - thanks for sharing!

citizen of the world said...

I've done that spider web dance. There sould definitely be a word for it.

meno said...

Thank you for these, they are wonderful. I might try a few of my own.

Lex said...

These are hilarious, but a couple should have been disqualified for breaking the rules. Just when I thought I'd picked a favorite I found another fav. Really cool.

Arpeggio Andy said...

Ignoranus! Ha! I gonna have to use that from now on.

WNG said...

SARCHASM is my new favorite word, so thank you, Hearts.

Ignoranus...

*chuckle*

Lu' said...

quite good. I've suffered from 14 guite a few times.

witnessing am i said...

These are really funny, Heart. Really great. I do believe "ignoranus" has immediately found its way into my daily vernacular.

Not an equal to this, but I have been thinking of the phrase, "blogged down," for I haven't been writing on blog as of late, kind of run down with too much outside stuff, nothing to write, blah blah blah.

Say It said...

I know lots of ignoranuses. LOTS!!!

One of the reasons I always like the washington post!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mojo,

I think my favorite is ignoranus, but I also love dopeler effect and beelzebug.

Claudia,

Webfrog! I'll have to think of some, too.

Nick,

Cinecism is great.

Citizen,

Spider webs are beautiful until you're wearing them.

Meno,

Please do. I'd love to hear them.

Lex,

Whichever one I was reading was my new favorite, too.

Andy,

It's definitely found a home with me.

Wng,

So many ignoranuses, so little time.

Lu,

As have we all.

Thanks for your visit.

David,

Blogged down is excellent. And I hope you come out of retirement soon.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Say it,

Well, they don't have a monopoly on them. They're everywhere!

Craze said...

Oh my, those are hilarious!

Lu' said...

Don't I feel duh, I stopped here from a link wng posted on YJKOBT and didn't even pay attention to who's blog it was. Then you popped over to pagreenery and I popped back here wondering who you were. I try and be quick when viewing at work... Sounds feasable don't you think *wink*

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Craze,

They're great. I wish I'd thought of them!

Lu,

I read your link list to see how you came to visit here, but must have missed Wng's name.

Ok, Missy, back to work now! :)

Ian Lidster said...

I've always liked (cos I invented it) 'Ambivulance', which is an emergency vehicle in which the EMTs don't give a damn where they drop you.
That was fun, lovely friend.

Doc said...

I LOVE those~~

My favorite is the last one... IGNORANUS - I run into folks like this every day!

Doc said...

Oh my buddy WNG led me here too... LOVE your blog. I want to read more... Care if I add you to my 'roll ?

Los Angelista said...

I love beelzebug and bozone! They're all great though and very very funny!

Crankster said...

I think my favorite is Dopeler effect. What a great line!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ian,

"Ambivulance" is plain wonderful!

Doc,

Thank you for coming by -- any friend of Wng's is a friend of mine. And I'm flattered that you want to add me to your blog roll.

I think we all run into far too many ignoranuses every day.

Liz,

I think they're all really clever. too. There is a Beelzebug in my room right now and he is not responding to my entreaties to take his little ass outside.

Crankster,

I love that one, picturing those ideas losing value as they fade into the distance.

katrice said...

I love this stuff!

Slip said...

Good stuff!

WNG said...

Oooh look at all the love! Of course everyone loves you, Hearts, it just proves what great taste I have!
Not that it's about me ;-}

I'm glad Doc and 'Lu found you - they're pretty awesome (and further proof of my great taste)
Not that it's about me ;-}

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Katrice,

I really admire people who are so clever.

Slip,

Good like --- retirement, or just good like other things?

Wng,

It's not about you? Omg, I had no idea.

I'm so enjoying your peeps, but then that's not surprising as you're pretty awesome, too.

the psycho therapist said...

I laugh at 'em every year. Love.

Reintarnation is da bomb, oh my god. What's yours? (And if you already answered I apologize because I haven't had time to read through everyone's comments, late to the party as I already am.)
______

Sienna said...

I am still in fits over your "Clitterus Clatticus"....(the neighbor with high heels on wood), and some of the other names/words you use Hearts....I actually wrote them down and they are floating around the office somewhere....these new words are good, but not a patch on yours.

There was a type of Shakespearian name/description, it is my all time favorite classic.

Pam

Jocelyn said...

These never stop being funny...despite the fact that the whole thing is Mensa-sponsored!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wendy,

Reintarnation is great! I think they're all really clever.

Pam,

You're close. It was actually "cliteris clatteris" I said in reference to the next door whore with 7" heels.

"Clatticus" sounds like a Roman gladiator. I can work with that.

Jocelyn,

I think they justify their existence with this yearly exercise.

The CEO said...

I have an ignoranus for a partner, but you already knew that.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Monty,

So many ignoranuses, so little time.

Molly said...

Oh I always love these! And I hadn't seen this year's picks yet....Thank you!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Molly,

Aren't they great? I look forward to them, too.

jameil1922 said...

KARMAGEDDON is definitely my fave. hahahahaha. how about CHERROR: a super fan who wakes up from what he thinks is a nightmare only to realize his entire collection of Cher has been stolen.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jameil,

Cherror is GREAT! I thought it was going to mean "fear of Cher," though.

Maddy said...

Superb!