The fires of hell are consuming San Francisco. Yesterday and the day before, the temperatures were in the 90's and even over 100 degrees in some parts of the city. This is not only unprecedented, it's unbelievable as people normally come here to freeze to death if they can't get to the North Pole. It's always cold, and we have a wind chill besides.
Mark Twain once said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."
Chicago thinks it's the Windy City but it's deluded. The City by the Bay invented wind.
We do not have a logical progression of seasons. It's an ad hoc system whereby we get whatever weather is on hand after all the other places have gotten theirs, so we might have a day of summer followed by two days of winter followed by several hours of spring - well, you get the idea.
So imagine our surprise when we had TWO days of temperatures from the hell realms, followed by today, which was in the 60's. 95-degree weather is like the abode of condemned souls in which the powers of evil are winning.
We immediately went out and bought electric fans including one for Truffle-the-Cat, who likes to doze on the end of the bed. I think she even smiled when I turned on her personal breeze. It was so hot that I watered my garden three times in one day. Steam was rising from the sidewalks, which were cracking in new places.
Flip, who lived in Hawaii for many years, thought it was the perfect time for a long
I didn't have his advantages, having grown up in the Northeast, and wilt in extremely hot weather. It also makes me cranky. If pushed, there is even the possibility that I will bite someone, although it hasn't happened yet. I wouldn't rule it out is all I'm saying.
I saw several men in shorts, carrying their t-shirts. One of them had bigger boobs than I do, yet if I took off my shirt, I'd get arrested. And that's just wrong.
I was wearing shorts, too, as well as a tee and the contrivance my grandfather used to call a shoulder holster. Sometimes he would hold my grandmother's bra over his eyes like the Lone Ranger's mask to amuse me, and I could never decide whether to laugh or not because clearly they were vying for my loyalty.
Later, Flip went for a bike ride. I stayed under my fan with a lemonade and reminisced about blizzards.
It was so hot that it wouldn't have surprised me to see Pele, the Hawaiian Goddess of the Volcano, strutting down Union Street.
Pele is often depicted as a wanderer and her sightings have been reported in the Hawaiian Islands for hundreds of years, especially near Mount Kilauea, her home, which is one of the most active volcanoes on Earth.
She has been seen all over the world by people who reported an apparition of a woman in the eruptions of volcanoes.
She is said to appear either as a beautiful young woman or an ancient crone who asks for help. If it is given, those who share with her are rewarded while those who refuse find themselves bereft and dependent on the kindness of strangers.
We have no volcanoes here, but I felt as if I were encased in molten lava so I think Pele was here in spirit. It was a two-day hot flash from Hades.
Someday, years from now, my bleached bones will be discovered in the desert, flesh long-gone, only bones and teeth and hair left behind to tell the story.