Saturday, August 25, 2007

Waste of a Hottie


We went to the supermarket this evening. On our way out, we passed a young woman in a most striking dress, thin black fabric with only the tiniest strips covering her nipples, and also exceedingly short. Stiletto heels. I stared for a moment, and then remembered that it was rude. As we exited the store, the man behind us said, loudly, "Halloween
already?"

Flip professed not to have seen her. I professed not to believe him.

"If you didn't see her, you shouldn't be driving. Give me the keys."

He waffled. Maybe he really did see her. Or maybe he didn't. He seemed to be testing the waters.

I am not insecure. I was worried about his eyesight.

He insisted he had no idea what the other man and I were laughing about.

"You have a very good husband," the man told me as he got into his car.

"It's okay for you to look at other women," I said. "It's not even a male DNA thing. I noticed her, and I'm not attracted to women." He asked me to describe her. I'm sure I got every detail right. Any woman could do the same.

"Nope, I didn't see her," he said. "You're the only woman I ever look at."

I need to schedule him for an eye exam as soon as I clean up all the bovine excrement around here.

56 comments:

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Dear hearts,
I salute Flip. As my marraige matures, I want to be just like Flip with built in instincts to deploy bull to avoid the incoming missile! :)

My Reflecting Pool said...

yup, you two are totally normal. Good man Flip.

Em said...

What a good guy! LOL His vision is just fine. He is just showing his wisdom.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Squirrel,

Dissembling is more likely to produce ballistics from me than looking.

Reflective,

Poor Bill is blind, too?

Em,

Looking at someone in his line of vision is not cheating.

I wanted to give her a sweater. It was much too cold to be dressed like that.

Josie said...

Hearts, you never fail to make me laugh out loud. And by the way, Flip is a keeper.

*chuckle*

Ian Lidster said...

Very wise and diplomatic on Flips' part. I commend him. Loved the Betty Boop, BTW. But, you know, there is a truth in all of this. Women will often notice other women and in much more detail than will men.
But yes, I do 'look' and sometimes appreciate the esthetics.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Boy I didn't realize the designer made two of those dresses. I thought I was the only one who owned one. Love those stillettos. ;)

Flip.... He also says that working girls next door have never approached him. Either he's completely oblivious or he's stating a fact - you satisfy his every need and wish. I'm thinking the later is true.

heartinsanfrancisco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heartinsanfrancisco said...

Josie,

He is for sure. Even though he lies like a rug.

Ian,

Women who try to put horse blinders on their men are terribly insecure and also deluded.

And yes, if you want a complete description of a woman, ask another woman. We know where every excess pound is on our sisters, and whether their hair color is natural or voluntary.

Claudia,

That was YOU? Wow. I wish you'd said something.

The working girls are not quite THAT stupid, probably. And Flip is definitely on the oblivious side. I think it's part of the male condition.

I am not Star Jones said...

maybe you should bake him a cake or something for sticking to his story.

stephen t said...

There are questions that any man who has survived half a century or so knows are deadly. Particularly when asked by one's spouse. Whenever asked, these questions cannot be answered correctly, so evasive action is required.

For example, when asked by his wife if a particular dress "makes her look fat," a wise man will immediately compliment her shoes.

seventh sister said...

too bad for Stephen that I don't wear shoes most of the time.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Star,

Maybe he should bake ME a cake for being so open-minded.

Stephen,

Flip knows better than to try diverting my attention. It's never worked out very well for him.

Seventh,

Nor do I. Surely Stephen is more imaginative than he would have us believe and can come up with something better.

Not that he needs to. You've never looked fat in anything.

meno said...

Hmmm, either Flip is dead, or gay, or a really excellent liar. :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Meno,

There you go -- three guesses, and the first two don't count.

the walking man said...

"Why yes honey I noticed the way those nipples rubbed against that silky fabric and those shoes would have made her ass look just perfect in a butt cam!"
Flip

Woman do you think that wise old significant other didn't teach us other significant others when it is preferable for you to question our eyesight as opposed to the inevitable "Which of us is better looking, who has the cuter butt, ever think of trading me in on a younger model with a drop top like that?"

Compared to the "curiosity" "I'm just curious honey; what you thought of her honey?"

those drops that burn your pupils open and draw daggers into your retina's during an eye exam are a piece of cake well worth eating.

Peace

TWM

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Walking Man,

Interesting the way your mind works, being a guy and all that. I never said she was attractive, just young and scantily clad.

I'm sure it will surprise you to learn that they are not necessarily synonymous.

But you're right. Those eye drops made of battery acid are infinitely preferable to the ire of a menopausal harridan. And any woman who would even consider asking those questions is several tacos short of a combination platter.

liv said...

What a precious, precious man you have on your hands!

benjibopper said...

i'm a little doubtful of his story. he had me until he said 'i only look at you.' who doesn't look?

the walking man said...

"I'm sure it will surprise you to learn that they are not necessarily synonymous."

Hearts, I know a few beautiful young women in their late teens and twenties who are ugly of soul and spirit, and some who are not so cute but very beautiful.

I know I am not old but my one eye I can see with is ancient feeling.

Peace

Mark

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Liv,

Yes. :)

Benji,

Exactly. And looking is fine. I've never believed in blinding my loved ones.

Thanks for your visit.

Mark,

It sounds as if you have figured out what some never learn -- that real beauty comes from within.

Of course, cute outsides don't hurt either.

May I ask if you lost an eye in Vietnam? The chapter of your book about the war seems very realistic.

Sienna said...

I totally believe Flip...have seen pics of you Hearts and you are seriously a gorgeous spirit and soul....stilettos, nipples..whatever, she may well be sexy or eyecatchy but it aint the same class..

I am an embarrassment let loose in the supermarket, today as I followed this gorgeous 20 something into a supermarket I couldn't take my eyes off how he filled his levis (from behind)...it just looked so frigging good/great...I really wanted to pat it...I finally looked up and he was watching me via the glass reflection, he was laughing and as he walked in to get his trolley I swear he wiggled his butt...that is fair dinkum...I think I am turning into a dirty old woman.

Please help me.

Pam

WNG said...

Flip is a sweetie... I know you'd rather he was just honest- but you have to admit that was pretty candy coated.

Ryane said...

HAHA. That is a hilarious photo...

Bob said...

man, he has got this husband gig down RIGHT.

never admit there are other women.

furiousBall said...

Flip rocks.

Selective hearing, seeing, you name it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pam,

Oh, my. He WIGGLED it? You are so busted.

But hey, we can be as down dog dirty as they can. It's our right.

Thank you for a truly delightful image to start my day!!

Wng,

You're right. I think men always believe they're swimming in dangerous waters.

Ryane,

I needed a big shovel.

Bob,

I can see you've had some success along this line.

Furious,

Selective Service could be another name for marriage.

Old Scrote said...

When I was married, I only looked at other women in order to compare them unfavourably with my lady wife.
And if you believe that, you will believe anything!
Love ya
Jake

the walking man said...

Hearts, I wrote the explanation of my "war" knowledge at my blog, in short I was in the Navy while the war was on but no I was on a tin can in the Atlantic during my almost 4 years.

I lost my Left eye while working on a car when a screwdriver rolled off the radiator and into the fan blade of a running engine and I caught the son of a bitch square in the ten ring of my eye, handle first, which is another one of those God saving my ass moments because I could have caught it blade first just as easily.

Peace

Mark

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jake,

Clearly, the lady was no more gullible than I am.

Mark,

I'm sorry. I didn't know all that because I'm a new visitor to your blog, as you are to mine.

What a horrible accident. It says a great deal for your character that you can find some saving grace in something that must have been extraordinarily painful and life-changing.

Peace, for sure.

Craze said...

I love when I catch a man not noticing a beautiful woman. When they really don't notice, and turn their heads with their tongue hanging out of their mouth. That is the most attractive man there is.

witnessing am i said...

Oh man, I am not sure what to think.

I'm worried about Flip. That is not a good sign. If he misses a woman dressed like that passing by right in front of him, what else is he missing? What beauty?

I guess, all is well, as long as he keeps seeing the beauty he sees in you.

Hmmmm.

eastcoastdweller said...

Flip is a wise, wise man. And even wiser if he knows what to do with his carefully-denied heated wires when he gets home with You!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Craze,

From that angle, they all look alike.

David,

It works for me.

Eastcoaster,

Maybe he can find a robot to plug them into.

Lex said...

Gotta love Flip.

MsLittlePea said...

Oh Flip....nothing wrong with his eyes, he just sounds like he knows how to sweet talk. I feel like swooning.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Lex,

Yeah, go ahead. Everyone loves Flip. (I"m gonna go eat worms.)

Sweet Pea,

Well, if you do, please don't tell him. I've created a monster.

Voyager said...

He's full of shit all right! But very sweet.
V.

the walking man said...

Hearts,
That screwdriver was something like 25 years ago and I didn't much care,I adapted. I was back to work in 11 days and I have battered my physical body much worse than the loss of one eye since then.

But then what good is having a body eventually you're going to leave behind if you can't break a few things once in awhile?

I have been reading your posts all over and I forget that we don't really know each other, I broke my first bone (elbow) at 19 while out to sea and a rogue wave tried to wash me overboard but failed and 13 more from playing softball games to bar fights to just plain clumsiness.

I've been under the surgical knife 17 times so far, have a total of 6 fused vertebrae in my spine, may have to get a couple more fused in the near future (find out next week or two,) shoot insulin every day and think it's funny to have people afraid of needles watch me stick myself. Been type II diabetic for about 15 years and still have everything attached.

A week from Friday I will have an anesthesiologist puncture my spinal canal for the 6th time and shoot a nerve blocking steroid into it for pain, but I don't think it particularly hurts just that the side effects of the steroids can be pretty messed up (softens bones for one.)

Plus for some reason so far the shots never worked for more than a couple of weeks when they are supposed to work for months, but cest la vie. I have a cocktail of non narcotic pain medications that work some.

Left home for the navy at 17 and a few months after they gave me my honorable discharge , the day I turned 21 I started hitchiking and pretty much stayed on the road for the next 5 years.

Got married and two sperm shots later I was looking at 20 years of child support which I paid faithfully, got married again and have been with my old lady now going on 23 or 24 years (we stopped counting.)

I was disability retired at 46 or 47 and here I sit, a little battered a bit broken but wishing that I could go back to fixing police cars because I miss making my foremen look stupid.

I just turned 53, don't know the first fucking thing about political correctness and give less than shit about those who practice it.

I used to drink quite a bit of liquor but gave it up a few years back and now I live on caffeine and nicotine.

In the past 6 years I have written over a million words in all forms of literary endeavor, published a couple of poems. wrote an anthology/chapbook with a friend and fellow poet and now that I know what it's like to have an editor accept my work I don't care about the business side of writing, just the craft of telling stories.

I have been fired by the last two people who tried to therapize me and see a new one today and am starting a pool on how long it will take this one to fire me. Seems they just don't like having their questions answered with questions.

And everyone who truly knows me in my face world (which are few)loves me or hates me but they all agree I am as crazy as a shit house rat and I have to agree or at least offer no argument against it (and yes that includes my wife and dog who hold that opinion.)

And there you have it the open door to the first wall guarding my heart, c'mon in and walk that garden for a bit and we'll see how far in you want to come. This is just the nickel tour, the unimportant stuff about me, the rest is for the who really want to know more and see I mean no one harm except towards them them who will harm them I love with all I have; which is found behind many more walls.

Peace

mark

jali said...

Flip is so sweet. He's a hero!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Voyager,

Hmmm, sweet and shitty. Shitty but sweet. I must tell him.

Mark,

Well, I certainly feel as if I know you better. You've had a very eventful life, to say the least.

I think that crazy gets a bad rap, but actually may be the secret to living as one truly wants to, as opposed to the way one is expected to. Stark, raving sanity can be a kind of prison.

Thank you for sharing so much about yourself. I will definitely come by looking for poetry.

Jali,

He's a good man, even if he does have selective vision.

Melanie said...

hilarious... i would have been saying the same thing. get his eyes checked!!

*~*Cece*~* said...

Flip IS a good man! hehehe

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Melanie,

No kidding. If he's that blind, he needs a white cane and a seeing eye dog.

Cece,

I know. And I've probably scarred him for life in a million ways.

Odat said...

lol, he's good!!! ;-)
Peace

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat,

Could you define your terms, please?

"Good" as in "pious," or as in "clever-lies-like-a-rug?")

Dan said...

LOL! Bovine excrement indeed!

Didn't you take a photo so that I could see?? Huh?? Huh??

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Dan,

Do you mean a photo of the bovine excrement or the titillating stranger at Safeway?

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha. I hope you thanked your husband for the lies in a very fun way, though. :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maypole,

Lips are sealed. :)

Thank you for your visit!

blooming desertpea said...

If a woman walks around like that then EVERYBODY is entitled to look, I don't even think it's rude. After all, she does dress like that for a reason - she wants people to look at her!

Oh, and I believe him that he didn't see her - males just don't see things - yesterdays's entry on my page proves it! ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heartinsanfrancisco said...

Blooming,

I actually believe him, too, since he is incapable of finding things that are right in front of him at home.

Thank you for your visit!

Girl on the Run... said...

Awwwwwwwwwww...... that husband of yours is too cute! Love a man who knows all the right answers! ;)

M

CS said...

Don't argue with the man, just take the compliment!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maria,

Let's just say he has a really good instinct for self-preservation.

Cs,

That is excellent advice. (Why didn't I think of that?)

Thank you.