A Totem of my Esteem

I have wondered for years what my totem animal is. Native American and Celtic shamanistic beliefs refer to both "totem animals" and "power animals." These terms are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. A totem animal is one that is with you for life. It is an animal with whom you share a connection, either through your interest or resemblance to it. A power animal is a spirit in animal form that comes through with a specific lesson for you, and will change throughout the course of your life.

All my life, wherever I have lived, even in big cities, I have heard an owl hooting. I find great comfort in the sound, and against all reason, I take it personally. It is for me that the owl hoots. Most owls are nocturnal. I hear this owl's voice every day, all day. It is the steady backdrop of my life. Owls are solitary birds. So am I. I do not hunt small animals, however.

These mournful-sounding creatures know when to be still. They do not feel the need to proclaim their presence to anyone until the timing is right. In Native American legend, Owl comes to us when we need to open our eyes and study the situation at hand. If we watch and listen with our inner selves, we can figure out what is happening behind the scenes and confront those who would deceive us at the appropriate time.

The owl symbolizes the feminine, the moon, and the night. I am female and nocturnal by nature, and the moon is my birth sign. Yet, unlike the owl, I do not know when to be still. I am endlessly vocal and also, I cannot fly.

An owl totem bestows wisdom, vision, insight, and clairvoyance, and specializes in seeing hidden motives in others.

I am sure that one of my totem animals is the wolf because of my years with a gray wolf I called Baby. She taught me courage as she lived her life fully in total blindness. She was loving and gentle, the exact opposite of the ferocious killers touted in fairy tales and the fabrications of cattle ranchers to justify slaughtering them.

The Wolf totem is a pathfinder for the human spirit, teaching skill and helping to find ones life-path.

The wolf is a free spirit which exemplifies loyalty, cooperation, perseverance, and taking advantage of change. Wolves mate for life and fight only when necessary.

My third totem animal could be the horse. I have always loved horses, and as a child, fantasized about riding one around my suburban neighborhood. Years later, I adopted three ponies in need of a home. My younger daughter became an excellent rider and jumper, and competed in shows.

I never learned to ride well, but loved to wander bareback on Star, our Exmoor pony. He tolerated me on his back because of apples and carrots, and because I was light. The Exmoor pony, which is native to the Moors of England, has an overly developed upper lip for eating lichen. Star used his for working the combination lock to our barn, which held a barrel of irresistible sweet feed. I am sure that he was magical (or possessed) because horses are not supposed to do this. After many years of love and mischief, Star was murdered in the field next to our house. Perhaps an illegal hunter mistook him for a deer. When I found his body and climbed into the ravine where he lay on his side, I told him, crying, how much I loved him. A single large tear rolled out of his eye and ran swiftly down his face onto the ground, so I knew that his spirit could hear me.

The horse totem symbolizes freedom, beauty through strength, mobility, sharing power with others and carrying messages.

Star and Baby will always be with me. And the owl reminds me to use my insight for good. If he is a spirit animal, then I'm sure that one owl has been with me all my life. I have not given him a name because he is invisible. If he ever reveals himself to me, that may change.

My fourth totem animal candidate is the dolphin. A pair of them led my family to safety in our small boat during a hurricane on Block Island Sound when I was a child, and they seem to show up whenever I visit the seashore. They have been known to keep me company right beyond the breakers as I strolled for miles along a beach, turning when I did to retrace my footsteps disappearing in the sand.

A dolphin totem teaches how to enter the waters of life and to call forth what you most need with breath and sound. I am still learning these things, and have far to go.

My final possible totem animal is the deer. I have always been able to walk among them in the forest, and a few have even lapped at a salt lick in my hands while allowing me to pet them. Deer teach us to use the power of gentleness to touch the minds and hearts of wounded beings in our lives. They walk the path of love with full awareness, knowing that love requires caring and protection. I am just beginning to understand that this applies not only to others, but to how we love ourselves.

The deer totem symbolizes compassion, peace, gentleness, sensitivity, kindness, and unconditional love.

Here is a quiz to help you find your own inner spirit totem animal. According to this quiz, mine is the mustang.

"The spirit of the Mustang, the everlasting symbol of love and of generosity protects you from being used by others who would take advantage of you. You are the kind of person willing to lend your strengths to those who are true to you so that they may better themselves and get back on their own feet."

I may never determine which animal is my true totem, but my life is so much richer because of animals I have known and loved, and the many gifts they gave me. I celebrate and give thanks for all of them.