Tuesday, November 06, 2007

¡ Ya Vote´!

There was a Mayoral election today in San Francisco. The incumbent, who attempted to make gay marriage legal and admitted to having an affair with his campaign manager's wife, is up against a field of thirteen with names like Chicken, Grasshopper, and Billy Bob, who must be on loan from Tennessee.

I like our Mayor. I think he's a hot stud good guy, and agreed with his stand on gay marriage because I also don't believe that love can or should be legislated.

One of the candidates, an Indy journalist blogger, refused to turn over his tapes of a protest last summer. In a First Amendment showdown, he was jailed on civil contempt charges.

This city can always be counted on as a testing ground for political beliefs.

Another challenger qualified for public financing of his campaign. Since political candidates are not required to refund unused campaign contributions, this has given me an idea: Maybe next time, I'll run for Mayor, too.

We'll need to figure out what I stand for by then. Are you with me? Who's a player?

There was a porta-stall in front of the polling place, which could have been confusing. Visions of Mr. Magoo danced like sugar plums in my head. For some city offices, there was only one candidate, yet we were importuned to vote for a second and third choice, all of whom must be different. It was Communist Russia deja vu, where people were allowed to vote for or against a single candidate.

The best part of the process was feeding our oversized ballots into a big purring machine, a page at a time, and being rewarded with a sticker that says "I voted" in Spanish, English and Chinese.

On the way home, we stopped for espresso and croissants at a coffee shop presided over by an Asian St. Pauli Girl. Va-VOOM. Flip, of course, claimed not to notice the immense welcoming globes bulging out of the barista's tiny apron as she bent over him repeatedly while delivering our order.

I claimed that if his eyesight is that bad, he needs a white cane and a seeing eye dog. Braille lessons. Maybe a horticulture class with emphasis on seedless watermelons.

I tipped her especially well because they can't have been cheap, especially if she bought them by the yard.


Crankster said...

What a wonderful election day! Political comedy, multiculturalism, and tatas. I envy you so much!

thailandchani said...

"bought them by the yard". ROTFL!!

(snark snark)

furiousBall said...

wow, I dare say that San Fran had a more exciting election day than, well anyone.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


It's only fair to tell you that tatas do nothing for me. But for my friend...


There was no way those were real. She was showing them off so shamelessly that I'm sure they were pretty new.

And she didn't pay for them working in a coffee shop. I'm just saying.


Oh, we do for sure.

The Mayor got elected again, and I helped.

sognatrice said...

You're so nice to support the less fortunate(ly endowed)!

Franki said...

Every time I feed my overly large ballot into that purring machine, I can't help but think it's a shredder.

If they came by the yard, they had to be real. The fake ones come by the liter and they rarely get long. ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Welcome back!

It was the least I could do since she seemed quite interested in my husband, who is not available.


I should have said "by the square inch." They were not long - they were gigantic spheres, and they were not growing in native soil.

Anonymous said...

I don't know anything about your current mayor but since he is a "hot stud," I need to google him. I love the idea of him having an affair with the campaign manager's wife. Not that I condone that kind of behavior, but being an "unglamorous" campaign manager is tough when standing next to your hot stud mayor. That guy should have seen the writing on the wall.

Thank you for voting. Or should I say "Gracias" or "M goi"

seventh sister said...

ummmm....I think melons are usually sold by the pound.

Of course she was paying a lot of attention to Flip. He is a wonderful man and very good looking.(You got the second best guy in the Universe.) Also, she probably assumed that he would be the one leaving a tip. It would be interesting to go in there bu yourself sometime and see what kind of service you get.

Open Grove Claudia said...

I remember the day of voting with the machines.... sigh.... There's so much election fraud here (not we are a RED state) that it's all mail in ballet. Poor D. probably missed out on the globes as well....

heartinsanfrancisco said...


His name is Gavin Newsome, and I've met him. He's a nice guy.

And I should say "de nada" and "bu ke qi."


Yes, women just seem to sense that Flip is a good one. I know I did.

I'm quite sure that if I were by myself, she would save herself the effort of bending over unnecessarily about 30 times while serving coffee.


Yeah, well, the dead giveaway for me is when they suddenly erupt like subcutaneous bowling balls on the chest wall.

Ian Lidster said...

I love San Francisco elections. Even though I don't live in your remarkable city, I've always followed your local politics in the media.

Asian St. Paul girl who is amply endowed. I like the concept -- in just a spritual, multi-cultural way, y'unnerstand.

Re my Wendy Dizzy Gillespie comment. This was late in his career and part of her pique came from her disappointment because she's a huge jazz fan.

Mariposa Speaks said...

Hope the person you voted for made it...

heartinsanfrancisco said...


San Francisco is probably not everyone's cup of tea, but I love it.

My post on Dizzy Gillespie was on August 25, 2006, if you'd like to read it. He was a fairly young man when I knew him, which may account for the difference in my views and Wendy's.


The only important one was Mayor Newsom, who was reelected.

meno said...

I LOVE San Francisco!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


What's not to love? I do, too!

Slick said...

Voting and globes? All in one day?? There any cheap apartments out there?

The CEO said...

Actually, I'm glad that Flip can still see so well and was so adept at voting. I'm also glad your candidate won, and that Flip can still see you in all your refinement. Very important. Congratulations!

Michael C said...

Perhaps I am getting my coffee at the wrong place.

If you run for Mayor, I'd like to be your spokesman. I promise I won't say anything stupid, unless you want me to ;-)

Anonymous said...

they can't have been cheap, especially if she bought them by the yard.

Yes, hysterical. The perfect ending...to this post and my day.

Thanks for the needed laugh.
You are one helluva writer. Your soul ain't too shabby either. Jes sayin'. Yo.


Voyager said...

And I thought Vancouver politics was a circus! I hope the candidate in favour of gay marriage won. In my view, committed love deserves the recognition and legal beneifts of formal marriage if that's what the lovers want.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


San Francisco is not known for cheap anything, but unfortunately, it spoils you for most other places.

Thanks for your visit!


I appreciate your kind thoughts.


If you never say anything stupid, you'll make me look bad. Can't we take turns?


They covered a lot of real estate. Maybe she was trying to hide a shabby soul.

Thank you for those wonderful compliments!


I agree completely. I don't think it matters if one chooses to love a man, woman or a Boston fern. I just feel sorry for those who can't love at all.

riseoutofme said...

Politicians and tatas ALWAYS go well together!

Pendullum said...

Who won?????????
I am so curious and do not want to Google the results...I wanna 'hear' them from you...

Liz said...

What is it with California mayors and cheating? Ours cheated with a Telemundo reporter and then was hilarious in trying to spin it. At least Gavin seemed more upfront, more, "Yeah, I did it!" I can respect that a little.

jali said...

Flip is such a husband. Ha-ha.

San Fran sounds like so much fun! I was there as a kid. I need to get back to see as an adult.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Like a horse and carriage.


The incumbent mayor won. Charisma covers all. (I like him, too.)


Not just California Mayors. Remember Clinton, who also tried to spin it by redefining sex?

At least Gavin said, "Everything you've heard is true, and I'm sorry." While I was disappointed in him, I do respect his taking responsibility for his actions, and for not assuming his constituents were morons.


It's one of the most beautiful cities in America, or the world.

You should come to visit!

WNG said...

Yea for you voting, for Flip pretending not to notice the yard sale and for generous tippers everywhere!!!
But mostly because you crack me up Hearts, really.

MsLittlePea said...

Heehee! When my best friend got 'hers' she went crazy buying all kinds of slutty tank tops. It takes a few motnhs to get over that ," Hey look! I have boobs now!", feeling. They were definitely fake. We Asian girls were blessed with good legs and good skin but somehow we were absent the day boobs were handed out. As long as mine aren't touching the floor, I'll leave them alone for a little while.

I feel like somehow boobs and politics are connected...wouldn't that make for a good post?

heartinsanfrancisco said...


"The yard sale." I love it.

Picture a perfectly flat landscape, and suddenly two perfectly round mountains rise out of nowhere, with nary a slope leading to them from said perfectly flat landscape.

Gee, I wonder.

Sweet Pea,

Asian women are usually so beautiful that they don't need tatas like the rest of us. But that's just my opinion, of course.

Boobs and politics. Yeah, most pols ARE boobs.

Melanie said...

how many stickers was she sporting? I can't imagine how many it would take to cover them... tee hee.

Wow. I like your mayor too. I think voting machines are suspect. I saw a special on HBO and it scared me. Huh... Do you think you should change your name to Daisy or Shaniqua before you run?


heartinsanfrancisco said...


Daisy was my grandmother's name, but Shaniqua wouldn't require that I change my initials.

Josie said...

Flip seems to do a very good job of "not noticing" certain things, doesn't he? Heh. I do believe he's a keeper. :-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


No way he could have failed to notice as they were right on his plate with a chocolate croissant.

It really wouldn't bother me if he officially noticed such things. Mine are real, although I've always heard that men don't care.

Anonymous said...

They care. On some level, they care.

It's an unconscious metaphor thang. You know, "If they ain't real what else ain't you tellin' me? What else ain't real?"

Not that Flip would ever enunciate thusly. Consciously.

Like I know 'im. I just got here, ferchrissake.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Based upon my previous incarnations with men, I do believe that most of them truly don't care if it's real as long as it's available.

I've never asked Flip's opinion on this because It Isn't Relevant.

Jocelyn said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA. Great last lines.

I've said to you before that I, seriously, think you'd be a good political candidate. You inspire. You're smart. You have integrity.

Wait, those are all wrong for politics.

Keep blogging.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

It takes talent to write a post about civic government that keeps me reading to the end and even makes me laugh! I'm going to have to get myself back to San Francisco one of these weekends....

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Maybe I could run for Mayoral Mascot then.


I wasn't sure I could write a post about civic government and keep myself awake.

NoRegrets said...

I'm in San Francisco until the 19th. Can you recommend any good thrift stores?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

No Regrets,

Cris-2056 Polk Street in Russian Hill

Several in Pacific Heights:

Repeat Performance-2223 Fillmore St
Crossroads Trading-1901 Fillmore
Next-to-New Shop-2226 Fillmore
Seconds To Go-2252 Fillmore
Victorian House-2033 Fillmore

There are also a few on Haight St in the Haight:

Buffalo Exchange
Two or three others, can't remember their names, also on Haight, including Goodwill

Have a wonderful visit!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Mayor Hearts,

Not only will I move to SF to vote for you, I'll work in your campaign... but no funny business.

Asian St. Paulie girl huh?
I choked on my Earl Grey tea while snickering all the way through that. thanks!!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Now you've made me choke on my coffee. Sorry about your keyboard.

It will be hard, but I promise, no funny business when you run my campaign. Nor will I make passes at your wife.

Oh, never mind. How soon can you get here? We have work to do.

NoRegrets said...

Thank you!
and, um, I could live in Japan and still be a plane ride away. :-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Or better yet, I could visit you in Japan. I've always wanted so much to go there!