Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It's a Beautiful Day in this Neighborhood

I dropped Flip and his computer at the Apple store to visit a genius, my all-time favorite job title, at the Genius Bar.

They had no record of his reservation despite having sent us an email confirmation, so he'll have to package it up and return tomorrow.

I picked him up and as we walked to the car....

KaBAMMMMM!

"Oh, look, a Mercedes hit a Jaguar."

For some reason, this struck me as hysterically funny. We continued down the street laughing, loaded Flip's computer into the backseat, and headed for home.

A block away, a Ferrari, red, whipped around the corner and slammed into a Maserati, silver.

KaBAMMMMM!!!

It was getting monotonous already.

Mr. Maserati jumped out of his car and confronted Mr. Ferrari by the throat. I noted that nobody was hurt except for the $thousand or so it would take to fix the dent and drove home counting my blessings, one of which is that I drive a mere Toyota.

Nobody hits Toyotas. They're not good enough.

Later, I headed out again because my cousin who lives near the Canadian border in Maine wrote that she was unable to find latke mix in the local stores. I called to ask her how many boxes she wanted since I had seen it here, although I've never bought any, and went off to be her purchasing agent.

My checker was an elderly Chinese woman with a heavy accent. She lovingly picked up one of my latke boxes and said, "I wen buy matzoh now."

I smiled agreeably, and she continued, "Is hard find Jewish food California."

I wouldn't know. I smiled again.

There was something marvelously surreal about bonding with a Chinese Jewish lady when I am barely Jewish enough to appreciate the name of Andy Kaufman's wonderful character on "Taxi," Latke Gravis, which means, literally, "Fatal potato pancake."

There were no accidents in the parking lot at Safeway.

64 comments:

urban-urchin said...

it would have been a fitting end to your day to witness a bentley hitting a rolls. then i'd say your super power is the ability to cause vanity cars to get into accidents!

you can also just use boxes of latke mix as an impromptu side air bag dealie bob- just in case toyota's number is up.

this makes no sense *muttering to self* i'm going to bed...

thailandchani said...

Oh, those cars! LOL I can just imagine! When I was a kid, I used to like to hang out on Santa Monica Bl and watch the luxury cars slam into each other.

Perverse pleasure, eh?

Mariposa Speaks said...

OMG! When I was in college, I used to drive an MB bec my parents let me used their car...and I always ge into accidents...now, I take a cab or drive a Toyota or sometimes Honda, and people seem to stay away from me...lol

I'm glad you are safe...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Urchin,

Oh, that would be perfect! Of course the Bentley is SO much cheaper than the Rolls Royce, I'm not sure it would qualify.

But what a laudable super power for me. I'll work on it.

Chani,

Everybody knows money makes you invincible. ;)

Mariposa,

When I was 17, I totaled my father's Packard. Then they bought a couple of Jaguars, which I was not allowed to drive.

I thought it was unfair because I had no wheels at all, so I drove the lawn tractor to town. It went only four miles per hour, but it was all I could get.

the walking man said...

I like that the Maserati man tried to settle the matter by throat. If you can afford the car you can afford the insurance and if you can afford the ins, I am sure it includes a rental. Hope they both get stuck in ten year old Escorts. Remember these things happen in threes...does your next door neighbor by chance drive a high end vehicle?

Peace

mark

furiousBall said...

You know, this post did something for me. I didn't blog about it, but a red Mercedes completely cut me off on the way to work and then he proceeded to cut off a street sweeper so he could make a light. To myself I thought, "that guy is going to get some bad karma coming his way" but I thought, you know what's the point in even posting that? So, I'm pretending it's the same guy. I know, New Jersey - SF. But that's ok with me.

RED MOJO said...

That story about you driving the lawn mower into town reminds me of a Joe Diffie song. He takes his old John Deer out drinking. Think of all the lives that would be saved if everyone who's out drinking had to drive a lawn tractor! What a visual at closing time.

witnessing am i said...

I can sort of visualize the $ smashing into the $ (twice) and how that can be quite a visual feast but I must admit I just cannot imagine an elderly Chinese Jewish woman working the market cash register -- and it is that thought that strikes me as being very, very funny.

I think I love her.

WNG said...

Ummm Latkes...yum...
I've told everyone in my office about this. Obviously the VW people thought it was funnier than the Escalades :)
You'll have to keep your eyes peeled for the third one so you can share!

meno said...

I too would be hard pressed not to laugh at these $$$ cars crashing into one another. Kind of like demolition derby, except not with beaters.

You should always carry a camera.

NoRegrets said...

I used to have the best of all cars. A toyota that was a junker - all banged up already. So when I drove down teh street, people got out of my way. :-)

Rachel Schell said...

I am always glad I drive a Dodge, but only because nobody breaks into or steals a Dodge. I also make sure I park next to some other car that will be more likely to be stolen.

Chinese Jewish lady.....

only in America! woohoo!!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Ohhhh... Hearts,

That's the best! I'm still laughing. Thanks.

Fatal food is what happens when I cook... you may remember my mentioning keeping the local fire dept on speed dial.

That's so sweet that you sent latke to your cousin. Could you send me one of those bread bowls with clam chowder from the wharf, please?

YUM.

Will you celebrate Hanukkah on your blog this year? I don't know much about it. It would be interesting to read about it from your perspective.

Scarlett & V.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mark,

Sleazerella drives an Audi sport model that belongs to the woman from whom she illegally sublets her apartment, who is doing a four-month sex tour of SE Asia. Since you asked.

Furious,

I have noticed a definite correlation between cost of cars and assumed entitlement of drivers.

They are ALL the same driver, although the Mercedes that hit the Jag was grey, as was the driver, and the Jag was black and brand new.

Mojo,

When Flip and I lived in TN, we had an old lawn tractor that he had to fix every time we used it. He painted it green and yellow and called it John Doe.

We finally bought a Craftsman 28HP baby which I adored, as I was the tractor person - (he did the weed eating, pruning, chain sawing, muscle stuff)and it broke my heart when we sold it with the house.

Tractors and I go way back.

David,

It boggles the mind, really. The old bad joke, "You don't look Jewish" comes to mind here.

She clearly didn't get in on it early enough to be a princess, though.

I was over my depth when it came to the food, despite owning the ethnicity.

Wng,

I'll be watching. Escalade people don't think anything is funny. On my other blog, I have a picture of one in the neighborhood with the license tag "Poo on U."

I long for her to be the target of seagulls with diarrhea.

Meno,

I should. I know this, and usually do. Yesterday, I didn't. The good stuff always happens when I'm not carrying. :)

No Regrets,

A car like that is like a neon sign that says "I don't care." Scary.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rachel,

Good thinking! Around here, we don't have the luxury of choosing what we park next to because parking spaces are at a premium.

I am drawn to Eastern religions, so it's only fair, but who would choose Jewish food over Chinese? That kind of mortification of the flesh is almost a sacrilege.

Scarlett,

Now I'm the one laughing. I have never celebrated Hannukah. Holidays that you can't pin down because they use a different calendar are much too complex for me.

Christmas is reliable. You know it will be on the 25th of December every year, and that's that.

I love the bread bowls with chowder, too, but since the oil spill in SF Bay a few weeks ago, local seafood is dead or poisoned.

It's always sad when that happens.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mark,

Sleazerella drives an Audi sport model that belongs to the woman from whom she illegally sublets her apartment, who is doing a four-month sex tour of SE Asia. Since you asked.

Furious,

I have noticed a definite correlation between cost of cars and assumed entitlement of drivers.

They are ALL the same driver, although the Mercedes that hit the Jag was grey, as was the driver, and the Jag was black and brand new.

Mojo,

When Flip and I lived in TN, we had an old lawn tractor that he had to fix every time we used it. He painted it green and yellow and called it John Doe.

We finally bought a Craftsman 28HP baby which I adored, as I was the tractor person - (he did the weed eating, pruning, chain sawing, muscle stuff)and it broke my heart when we sold it with the house.

Tractors and I go way back.

David,

It boggles the mind, really. The old bad joke, "You don't look Jewish" comes to mind here.

She clearly didn't get in on it early enough to be a princess, though.

I was over my depth when it came to the food, despite owning the ethnicity.

Wng,

I'll be watching. Escalade people don't think anything is funny. On my other blog, I have a picture of one in the neighborhood with the license tag "Poo on U."

I long for her to be the target of seagulls with diarrhea.

Meno,

I should. I know this, and usually do. Yesterday, I didn't. The good stuff always happens when I'm not carrying. :)

No Regrets,

A car like that is like a neon sign that says "I don't care." Scary.

Ian Lidster said...

You could definitely find latke mix in Montreal, I guarantee.
But, your car tales were just wonderful. Makes one truly believce there is a God.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ian,

I hope you won't think me shallow, but I have to admit that I'd choose a Porsche over latkes any day.

riseoutofme said...

Over here Toyotas are VERY respectable cars! I drive one. My pet hate is BMW drivers .. they ALL seem to think they own the bloody road in this country....And yummy mummys driving SUVs don't do much for me either. Heart ... thanks for this! I didn't realise I EVEN had an opinion on this subject!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rise,

I think Toyotas are great cars for the money, but I live in a neighborhood with many automobiles of the extreme luxury persuasion.

We're having dinner tonight with my nephew and his family who live in Ireland (County Wicklow) and are traveling around the US to show the children his homeland.

MsLittlePea said...

Maseratis and Ferraris...are you sure you don't live in Miami? I feel like I just read a past entry in a diary from my South Florida days.... so flashy yet so violent, how nice :O)

I've never had a fatal potato pancake before. But then, if I had I'd be dead I guess.

Jocelyn said...

I like to think Toyotas are TOO good for accidents. Not that we own two (okay, three...long story) right now.

Speaking of "can't get it in my region," we can't buy the dried hominy to use in our favorite posole soup here in northern MN, so my sister ships it from Denver!

thethinker said...

Wow. Two accidents between expensive cars in one day. What a coincidence.

Lex said...

One of my favorite experiences as a teacher was making latkes from scratch with 7 first graders (my entire class) during a series on winter holidays. I love latkes but not nearly as much as I love cooking with kids.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Sweet Pea,

Maybe tomorrow I'll see a Lamborghini collide with a Lotus, and I'll get to laugh some more.

Jocelyn,

When I lived near Minneapolis, there was a huge supermarket called Lunn's which was the best I had ever seen -- carpeted, soft music, exotic produce not even available in NYC - it was in the early 70's, and I've never forgotten it.

If you live near Duluth, though, you're in a similar situation to my cousin in Northern Maine, where nearly everything has to be imported except snow.

Thinker,

You would think people would drive those expensive cars more carefully, but maybe they have replacement cars at home, just in case.

Lex,

I also like cooking with children more than I like latkes.

Franki said...

I got smacked by a BMW a couple of weeks ago. I'm pleased to say that my lil Scion bumper held up much, much better than that BMW radiator.

thirtysomething said...

OMG. Two high dollar cars had accidents so near each other? Now that is soemthing that doesn't happen everyday.
I wouldn't know. I drive a Ford.
Have a great day!

Craze said...

Oh man, now that is one fender bender I would have loved to seen.

Fatal potatoes?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Franki,

You lead a charmed life, and your little car, too.

Thirty Something,

The chances are very good that when people drive powerful cars badly, this will happen.

Craze,

It was a fender bender only, so you know they weren't half trying.

Emperor Ropi said...

cool car but unfortunately we need to work like 100 years to buy that and you can't pay for anything

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thank, you. I relish learning new things. Now, if I can just work “fatal potato pancake” into a conversation…

Open Grove Claudia said...

People and their things. That's funny. I have to pick some new cars for my characters and I don't have any idea what to pick now (their other cars blew up). Sigh.

I hope you are feeling better and READING... ;)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Emperor Ropi,

100 years if your job pays really well.

Thank you for your visit!

Nick,

That shouldn't be hard to do if you hang out in the right circles.

Claudia,

Could I be one of your characters? I need a new car. I have preferences.

Reading R us. You run a tight ship, Lady.

My Reflecting Pool said...

aww, toss that box!!! mix grated potato, grated onion, a little salt & pepper an egg, maybe a little matzo meal, form into balls, fry, flaten. Easy peasy. Tell her happy Chanukah.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pool,

I make everything from scratch, but I don't like latkes enough to make them at all.

Clearly, I am not a credit to my race.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

It sounds like a day filled with surrealism.

There's something like divine providence, I'm sure, when a Mazerati and Ferrari or a Jag and Merc collide - as Thailandchani says, perverse pleasure. ;-)

Crankster said...

I thought Jewish people bought Chinese food, not the other way around!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Vanilla,

It really shouldn't be anyone's birthright to own a sublimely high-priced car, but if it is, they could at least learn to drive it safely.

Thank you for your visit.

Crankster,

I had the same thought while she was commiserating with me over a problem I don't share.

Chinese food wins, hands down.

Irrelephant said...

Darlin', I totally agree with Meno--carry a camera! Of course to me, seeing that sort of high dollar vehicle takes a trip to New Orleans and a VERY sharp eye. In my parts the height of luxury wrecks is a H2 driving over a Lexus.

Josie said...

Hearts, I burst out laughing, just visualizing those boy-toy cars smashing into each other. Not long ago I saw two Mercedes sedans collide with each other, head-on. No one was hurt, but in both cars the drivers were little-old-ladies about 100 years old, who couldn't see over the steering wheel. People were slowing down, killing themselves laughing. Poor old dears. Heh.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Irrelephant,

We have Hummers here, too, which never, ever go off-road.

You have to wonder what anyone needs them for in a city, especially one that was built vertically and has many streets that resemble roller-coasters.

Josie,

I know those old ladies, too. They are the original owners of the cars and they may well end up buried in them.

the psycho therapist said...

Mindful lobbing of interpretations is an occupational hazard. Since getting a breather from "the couch" long enough for my dendrites to reconfigure, I thought I'd take 'em for a spin and some fresh air and ended up here. To wit (and begging your pardon if I am off base) but I was wondering about the possibility of connection between the reported schanfreude and your extreme love (*cough*) for the oft mentioned chick-a-dee-dee-dee in the sportster you frequently encounter in your, um, local travels.

Just wonderin'. (wink)

BTW, got a chance to read back through some posts I missed while in self-imposed blogosphere quarantine: fabulous, all, natch.

Write that effin book, woman!
--

jalishouse.wordpress.com said...

You take a funny story and end it with such sweetness. I love it!

The CEO said...

The next time I want latkes, I'm having Pool over. The Chinese food, we're still looking.

Melanie said...

I LOVE IT! that is the sort of thing you wish you had a video camera and you could You Tube.

I am glad to hear that none of the collisions happened to you. I never realized that about Andy Kaufmanns character. I loved that show.

velvet said...

Ha! I had no idea about the meaning of Latke Gravis... that's funny.

Hmm, funny about all the bad karma with the overpriced cars. Or would that be carma?

Jay said...

Thanks for sharing :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Psychotherapist,

Schadenfreud? Not exactly. If I am going to take pleasure from the pain of others, it will at least be someone I know.

Jali,

You think I'm sweet? For God's sake, don't tell anyone.

Monty,

Latkes, boo.

Chinese food, yay.

Melanie,

That was one of the great character names of all time, and Kaufman was a genius.

The best stuff always happens when I've left my camera at home.

Velvet,

My carma ran over your dogma.

Jay,

Thanks for being here.

Odat said...

I too would have gotten a wee bit of satisfaction seeing those cars hit one another ;-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat,

I simply do not understand driving so carelessly in megabucks cars. Seeing the inevitable result of such behavior IS oddly satisfying in the same way as being able to count on gravity, as long as nobody is physically hurt.

Maddy said...

Huh! We can get them all just over the road in Lucky's! Dontcha just love living here?
Cheers

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

NoRegrets said...

Hi - tagged you. short easy one... perhaps you've already done...

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Hello there!

I've come up for air again. Finals this week... OY can I TELL YA...

So I took a few minutes and created a Christmas meme with a photo of my very own Christmas tree. Oooh pretty.
And... I tagged you because I want to hear all about it from you... on the holiday list.

This ties into the comment that I left on here, in fact, it was inspired by it.
So there ya have it.

Come by and play please!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

WNG said...

Umm...ok...starting to get worried here. Where are you??

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maddy,

What is Lucky's?

Your link works fine for me. I loved your latest post.

No Regrets,

I'll check it out. Thanks for thinking of me.

Scarlett,

I've already read your wonderful list of things you love about Christmas, and don't think you left anything out.

Wng,

Thank you for asking. I appreciate your concern, and those who sent emails asking if I was still alive.

Something came up that had to be dealt with, but I hope to be back soon. You are all missed.

Mariposa said...

You are more missed...hope to hear from you soon!

Liz said...

Just thinking about you and missing you. Hope all is okay.

Angela said...

Whew. Glad to know there were no incidents in Safeway.

As to Toyotas, my experience has been that no one hits them unless your husband, who has just taken a big ol' bong hit at 8 a.m. on his way to teach high schoolers, pulls out in front of a farm truck. THEN Toyotas will be hit (and totaled -- true, sad story -- a beautiful red Toyota dream car it was).

I have extra latke mix in the pantry if she needs more.

Angela said...

p.s. after reading the comments, I'm sending more fond hopes that everything is okay.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

That's too funny. My friend uses hashed browns if the store is out of latkes. :)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mariposa,

I hope to be back soon. Thank you SO much.

Liz,

Getting there. It means a lot that you care.


Angela,

It's true. A bong doth not a goode driving companion maketh.

Thank you, too. I appreciate it.

JellyJules,

Hash browns. Hmmm. I've never heard of Hannukah hash browns, but why not? It's hard to go wrong with potatoes.

Thanks for your visit.

heartinsanfrancisco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Franki said...

Missing you luv, hope everything's ok.

Emperor Ropi said...

what's up? you haven't written for a while