Sunday, October 28, 2007

Mysteries I Would Like Cleared Up


1. Why Michelangelo sculpted Moses with horns.

It has been theorized that the artist, who of course was an uber-genius, was demonstrating the common belief that Jews had horns. It's hard to imagine how that one took hold as I have never, personally, seen anyone with horns.

Flip thinks that the two bumps on Moses' head were supposed to represent rays from God. If so, then why are there only two? Surely God could come up with at least five or six of them.

2. Why we can't have Daylight Saving Time all year.

It's just plain stupid to do the time-change dance twice a year when the reasons for it are obsolete: There are so few farmers left in America that their hours should not dictate what the rest of us do.

As for children not waiting at school bus stops in the dark, they end up coming home in the dark instead, so where is the logic in that?

3. Why one cup of coffee produces four gallons of pee.

This would seem to contradict every known law of physics, yet I can absolutely attest to its veracity.

4. Why beings of supposedly high intellect and thumbs willingly, even gleefully, choose lives of servitude to creatures with four legs and a tail who do not even speak English.

Anyone who has a dog or cat knows that no explanation is needed here.


5. Who is Murphy, and why does his Law govern my life when I don't even know him?

Murphy's law states that things will go wrong in any given situation if you give them a chance.

A little-known addendum to Murphy's Law is Flanagan's Precept, which categorically states that Murphy was an optimist.

37 comments:

thailandchani said...

LOL! Funny! This is a good day for a laugh.

Wish I knew the answers to the mysteries. I'm still trying to figure out why we drive on parkways and park in driveways.

:)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Chani,

Why is it called a "building" when it's already built?

The CEO said...

1. I agree with Flip. There are two because God only needed one ray, but with humans you need an emergency backup plan.

2. Because there are so few farmers, Congress doesn't care anymore. They keep the rich pacified with the farm subsidies like the ethanol boondoggle. Naturally. Write Diane Feinstein and ask for year round daylight savings time and try your logic. But if you tell her and Nancy Pelosi you own half of the Sonoma Valley....

3. You have structured your experiment improperly. Thou shall NOT create NOR destroy matter. Uncle Albert.

4. No comment necessary. I refer back to you and Emmanuel Kant, and ask how things are going with Shane?

5. Flanagan was also an optimist.

OK Wordsmith, why do we park on driveways, and drive on parkways?

thethinker said...

I hate daylight savings time because I NEVER remember to change my clock.

But thank you for this post. It reminded me that it's coming up.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Monty,

Always with the emergency backup plan. Oy.

Shane is doing well, thank you.

I hate to break it to you, but if you think Flanagan was an optimist, you are so screwed. Yea and forsooth.

Julia,

I misread my calendar, which said it was today, which it is -- in Canada.

November 4th for us. I usually remember to do it but forget which way it goes. Oops.

The CEO said...

Perhaps you have seen my garage and driveway lately. Screwed is an understatement. Flanagan was a flippin' Pollyanna.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Monty,

Yes, I did see the photo you posted. It was beyond horrible.

I definitely see your point of view.

Your contractor deserves to be embalmed in concrete in the East River. Are you having any luck getting it rectified?

Also, how is your blood pressure?

Paul said...

About Moses and his horns, the story goes that they are there because of a mistranslation of Exodus 34 29-35. It seems in Hebrew the word for ray of light and horn are similar.

It seems to me much trouble in the world is the result of Biblicle misinterpretation.

Coffee, as I understand it, is a mild diuretic, which by definition is a drug that increases urine production.

I have two dogs in my house. Why?

Odat said...

So true...and what happened to Prepartions A thru G???? ;-)
Peace

Ian Lidster said...

Coffee and you and me and pee, utterly so. I know because I have to make a 120 mile road trip right now and have my pee stops well in place in my mind, mainly because I have had coffee this morning.
DST. Absolutely. The illogic perplexes. Somebody's making money out of the current system is all that I can conclude, and it likely isn't the farmers.

Franki said...

Maybe god conked Moses on the head with those big stone tablets of rules and he gots some big bumps?

And beer's even worse than coffee!

Open Grove Claudia said...

Yay! Those are indeed mysteries.

I think daylight savings time is a way of pushing heating from businesses to consumers. The CEO may be right, but the brunt of the "savings" is money saved by business in heating bills.

I do hate changing the clocks.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Paul,

This explanation makes more sense than any other. I agree that Biblical misinterpretation has caused much damage throughout history.

I know that coffee is a diuretic, but the ratio is way off.

What kind of dogs do you have?

Thank you for visiting me here!

Odat,

I always assumed that "H" stood for the condition it was intended to treat.

Ian,

It's bizarre that purveyors of unnecessary luxury items get rich while those who grow wheat for bread do not.

Franki,

That must be it. Those Ten Commandments can really mess with your head.

I like coffee but hate beer. One out of two ain't bad.

Claudia,

Just the thought of dusk falling at 4:30 makes me cranky.

Hawaii and Arizona do not buy into this nonsense. The rest of us shouldn't either.

witnessing am i said...

Now, this post is a perfect example of you "hitting the mark." Funny, and insightful and whimsical and yet so true.

I love the idea that we "gleefully" choose lives of servitude to dogs and cats. With thumbs, we lost our brains.

Ah, Flanagan's Precept. Now, that Flanagan guy was a genius.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

David,

"With thumbs we lost our brains." So true. You win some, you lose some.

"It's a dog's life" and "A little cat shall lead them."

I really believe that animals are here to teach us about love.

Craze said...

Good things to ponder. Ya, I wonder why I'm a slave to 3 cats! And what is up with Daylight savings anyway? Stupid.

seventh sister said...

according to this site, http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-true.html,
it was named for Airforc Capt. Edward A. Murphy. I know what you mean about pets. We are owned by a dog.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Craze,

You are a slave to three cats because they are smarter than we are.

Who goes to work to support them every day while they snooze?

I rest my case.

Seventh,

Lani rules. You and S are lucky that she allows you to share her home, Laniwood.

the psycho therapist said...

Well it's pretty evident to me this sculpture is evidence of pre-photographic tomfoolery. Those two fingers behind Moses' head belong to nemesis Leonardo, class clown.

Only one mystery over here and it plays out something like this:

Me: (hands on hips) Okay, "God", what's the deal with all the suffering business preceeding death. 'Splain that to me, Lucy.

I think that'll do it.

Love your place. You really should consider interior design. (smile)

--

furiousBall said...

if my golden retriever wasn't afraid of the vacuum, he'd rule the world

heartinsanfrancisco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heartinsanfrancisco said...

Psychoshrink,

Oh, that Leonardo is such a card. I could wallpaper a room with the notes I get from his teachers.

I think this suffering business is to give us something to do since as a species, we are only capable of learning through adversity. There really should be another system.

Interior design...hmmm. You mean like clean up my room?

Furious,

Ah, yes, the sinister vacuum cleaner. My wolf used to tiptoe to the door, looking like a Disney cartoon, as soon as she heard it being rolled out of its lair.

She ruled the world anyway, with occasional setbacks.

Em said...

If you get the answer to #3...I want to know. I just don't understand how I can pee so much from one little cup of coffee.

Josie said...

Wow, what great philosophical questions. I have always wondered about the word "sanction". It has two definitions, each of which are opposites. It can mean permit, authorize or allow. It can also mean punish, ban, or restrict.

What's with that?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Em,

I simply fail to understand how something finite can grow in volume so that one cup of coffee = about 20 trips to restrooms, no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

Josie,

Sanctions. Yes! It's a contronym, like assume and impregnable. Words are such fun. I also love oxymorons.

enidd said...

enidd wonders how stalin made his way onto your website. that dog gets everywhere.

urban-urchin said...

flanigan was writing about my life presently.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Enidd,

Susan thanks you for making your way onto her website.

Is Stalin a Bouvier des Flandres? She has had several, none of them named for Russian dictators.

Urchin,

I'm sorry to hear that, and hope things get better really soon.

Mariposa Speaks said...

LOL! This is fun, enjoyed it, as well as all comments... :D

English can be or is a crazy language...like boxing ring that is definitely not a circle...sorry, I'm having an info overload with work that is all I get to think of... :P

As for Murphy's Law....well, I thrive in chaos...so what the heck!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mariposa,

You came back!

How wonderful to thrive in chaos. In my case, it brings out creativity of whatever kind is called for, but I never thought of it as thriving, just surviving. Could they be the same?

And you're right about boxing rings. They should really be called boxing squares.

meno said...

Those are not horns. Behind Moses is a mischevious 10 year old boy, making a peace sign while moses is being sculpted.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Meno,

That explains so much. Thank you for clearing it up!

Crankster said...

I don't have an absolute answer to the Moses question, but I DO have a theory...

Goat horns traditionally symbolized fertility. Moses was, metaphorically, a patriarch of an entire civilization. Michelangelo often referenced classical themes in his work. Maybe he gave Moses horns to symbolize his fertility?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Crankster,

I have never heard that particular theory, but it's a good one.

Michelangelo, like most artists of his day, was well-versed in the classic legends and incorporated them into his work.

Don't you wish we could ask him what he had in mind?

storyteller said...

'Tis always a pleasure to stop by for a laugh ... and because I'm playing "catch-up" I get to enjoy the "banter" in follow up comments. Reminds me of my days in the classroom actually with all those minds running in so many directions.

There's something in the "coffee" & "pee" dynamic that increases with advancing age ... sigh! :)

Methinks my mind is overloaded because I can't remember what else you wrote about ... (oh my gosh ... another "aging" challenge), but I do remember the laughter and that's a good thing.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Storyteller,

The comments are always the best part of my posts!

Anonymous said...

Daylight Savings time is not left over from an agrarian society. Farmers don't care what time they get up as long as it is sunrise. I wish that myth would be exposed on national TV until it sunk in. It is a result of an industrial society. It was implemented during war time so factories could take advantage of natural light and spend less energy with artificial light. That said, many companies just leave the lights on during operating hours now anyway with no regard for natural light, so we aren't getting the savings. The change can also be correlated to increased auto accidents due to driver fatigue, so there is something wrong with how we are doing it. We need to revamp the system, but it does still make sense.