Thursday, March 04, 2010

Let Them Eat Cupcake


I'm convinced that the adorable little cupcake shop in my neighborhood, That Takes the Cake, is spiking their products with crack cocaine. When I belly up to the counter for the 3rd or 4th time in a week, the charming owners smile and greet me by name. They sing, "See you next time" as I leave, clutching my little white box which gets bigger every visit. I have never believed that I was an addictive personality, nor have I had an uncontrollable love of sweets before, but I think about their cupcakes nearly all the time. "I hate Mondays" has taken on a whole new meaning because they are closed on that day. I spend Mondays in withdrawal, waiting for Tuesday.

Their cupcakes have delightful names, even: Elvis has Left the Building. Blonde Bombshell, Alfred Hitchocolate, Gentlemen Prefer Reds, Double Trouble, Three's Company, Hella Nutella, Key Lime-o-Licious and more. My favorites are Orange Zinger and one made with Meyer lemons whose name I don't know because I scarf them so fast I haven't bothered with introductions. The owners state that the main ingredient in their cupcakes is happiness. I don't doubt it, but I know that crack is in there too, maybe the sparkly jimmies on the icing, maybe the scrumptious filling, or maybe it's cleverly blended with the flour and baking powder. But trust me, it's in there somewhere. With a little angel dust thrown in for good measure.

I haven't started selling off our silverware or shoplifting in jewelry stores yet, but it's inevitable. I just don't know when the monkey on my back will grow to unmanageable proportions. Only that it will, and when it does it won't be pretty. I will balloon to 500 pounds and none of my clothes will fit but I won't be able to buy new ones because all my money is in cupcake futures. You could say that cupcakes are my future.

Please don't suggest that I join a 12-step program. I know they exist, but I would rather eat cake.

31 comments:

secret agent woman said...

Have you seen the movie "The Waitress"? Similar thing, but with pies, and a truly charming film.

EsLocura said...

oh my goodness, that is way funny, I wonder if they have cup cake support groups? not like a 12 step program but a group who share your same cup cake adoration and can help bail you out of jail should it come to that. : )

Warty Mammal said...

Okay, so let's hear it. Which cupcake flavors are your favorite, and why?

Molly said...

A Cupcake Cafe has recently opened near us. I have managed to steer clear of it so far, but after this I may have to cave and go check it out! When I was growing up, my mother made Queen Cakes. They were cupcakes that she sliced the top off, cut it in half, then stuck the pieces back on with a large dollop of whipped cream so they looked like wings. She only made them on special occasions and then for company!
Oh Lord! I may even have to make some myself. See what you've started??

Cloudia said...

I've never felt grateful to NOT be in San Francisco before, LOL!

Glad there is an ocean between me and those cup cakes.


Aloha, my Friend!


Comfort Spiral

nick said...

Hilarious. I like cupcakes too (or buns as they're usually called here) but not quite so eagerly! I love all the names, they're wonderful. I hope you're able to relish your cupcakes in peace without your ecstatic mood being interrupted by a double-glazing cold-call. Or Flip asking for a bazooka.

Jocelyn said...

Meyer lemons? I'm a goner. As in, I just ran out to the garage and hopped in my Camry (thank heavens this laptop is so portable). See you in a couple days, at the counter there. I apologize in advance for pushing you out of the way. Condsider it my contribution to keeping you at a mere 498 pounds.

the walking man said...

Sunday is the day to buy for Monday and both days eat an extra one for me and I will concern myself with our addiction, so you can be guilt free.

furiousBall said...

cupcakes are right up there with sweet, sweet china white to quit

TechnoBabe said...

Love the names of the different cupcakes!! I would be like you. Once I get something I really really like I remember the addiction all through my family and hey, I must have "caught" the germ along the way!!
Never fear, you can always wear the huge muu muus, that's what they are for really.

witnessing am i said...

This is lovely. Lovely play with words, with reality or heightened reality, with the simple pull of desire. You write so beautifully.

Food is reliable. We can count on it. In a world of constant change and uncertainty, food can be relied on, hungered for, enjoyed without any expectations, can be desired for. Food never turns you down, never says, "not tonight, I have a headache." And when you find sweets that do not disappoint, it is heaven. It certainly doesn't hurt if crack cocaine is involved.

Lovely piece, Ms Heart.

Voyager said...

I will have to travel to San Francisco to get a "Gentelmen Prefer Reds". (I knew that, of course)
V.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Sure, you start with cupcakes but before long you will graduate to hardcore full size cakes.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Agent,

I looked for it on Netflix but the only movie they had with similar title was "The Waiter," which didn't sound like the one you mentioned.

Eslocura,

Now THAT is a fine idea! Maybe I could advertise for kindred spirits willing to post bail.

Warts,

Orange, Meyer lemon and chocolate, also coconut, red velvet, cranberry, basically whichever one I'm eating at the time.

Molly,

I hate that you're in this predicament. I think there should be a buddy system regarding cupcakes. Those Queen Cakes sound like a cross between a cupcake and a cream puff, definitely my type.

Cloudia,

Lucky you live Hawaii. :)

Nick,

I tell people that I'm trying to quit.

Buns are an altogether different pastry here, also lovely.

Jocelyn,

I think that Meyer lemons are ambrosia of the gods. I have a small tree in the backyard in a large pot so if I move, it can go with me. Cold dead fingers...

Those 498 pounds pack quite a whallop. I may have to snuff you right at the cupcake counter for jumping the line.

Mark,

I do buy extras on Sunday, which are gone by Sunday night. :( I'll be happy to be your purchasing agent and even eat them for you. Hey, it's the least I can do for a friend.

Van,

But without all the complicated apparatus to dose myself. I am a LAZY addict.

Babe,

I have no excuse - the only known addiction in my family was my father's smoking. This one is all on me.

David,

Cupcakes are reliable, gone so soon but the weight lasts forever. (So far, so good, but one of these days it will all catch up with me.)

Their website says this is what love tastes like.

Voyager:

Here is the company's description of that one: "Traditional southern red velvet cake topped with cream cheese frosting, this is the 'reddest' red velvet cake you will ever eat!!!"

Will that do it for your redheaded self?

Calvin,

Your logic is not lost on me. I'm going to hell in a handbasket for sure.

Maria said...

I adore cupcakes, mainly because I can eat one and my blood sugar doesn't usually go through the roof. With regular cake, you have much more frosting on one slice and can cut yourself a gigantic slice.

Cupcakes are the perfect size. I like vanilla cupcakes with vanilla bean frosting best.

We celebrate with cupcakes for our birthdays each year instead of cake.

Bob said...

See - this is why I would love to, but can never, live in Paris. With boulangeries and patisseries on every corner I would soon be too big to walk. Cafe's everywhere would entice me to sit, drink wine and watch the world go by and keep me from doing anything I really needed to do.

I need to rethink this decision. I wonder if France needs another expat American.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maria,

What a lovely idea - birthday cupcakes. The trouble with a whole cake is that there is so much of it, but one hates to waste anything so yummy.

Bob,

France can always use another. At least, I'm counting on it. One of my fondest memories of Paris is the many patisseries, the 40 million kinds of croissants and especially the aroma of freshly rising yeast in the early mornings on narrow streets.

mischief said...

Oh the names are brilliant. Do you choose based on name or based upon appearance? 'Fess up lady, what kind of lover are you?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mischief,

I chuckle at the names but choose based on appearance and ingredients.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Guess where I'm going tomorrow!

mischief said...

I want to come with you!

Jo said...

I gained five pounds just looking at that picture. I have been trying very hard to avoid the two (!!!) cupcake stores in my neighborhood, but I can see I'm going to have to pay them a visit. I'll just tell them my pusher lives in San Francisco. :-)

Then you and I can both join Weight Watchers togther.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mischief,

Well, come on then. We can buy twice as many if there are two of us to carry them.

Jo,

I need to stop posting fattening photos. Glad I could help... I always wanted to make a difference in people's lives.

WW, here we come, Jo and her drug lord.

mrwriteon said...

Mmmmm -- cupcakes. Appropriate Homer Simpson slathering here.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

We have a little cupcake shop here (that is thankfully out of walking distance and I must drive there on purpose).

They specialize in giant cupcakes. HUGE cupcakes. A myriad of flavors. It is a sickening Barbie Pink store, so cute it makes you want to gag when you walk in the door... but the cupcakes are SOOOOOO good.

We must fight the good fight, though, battle on through the bulge, and remain constant in our goals of avoidance.

Mr. Miyagi comes to mind. "Best defense; no be there!"


Now, then. Where is my fork?


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ian,

D'oh.

Scarlett,

"Best defense - not be there!" Perfect, and also impossible.

Today's beauties were Meyer lemon and coconut. When I need bigger jeans, I'll quit. I can quit anytime I want. Take 'em or leave 'em. Yeah, I'm in control here.

Los Angelista said...

Those are fantastic names. I want to try the Hitchocolate just because of the name.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Liz,

It's yummy. They all are.

Jo said...

I'm home from work today, and I'm going out for a little walk, and guess where I am going, Susan. Just guess...!

The Cupcake Store. *heh*

the only daughter said...

Thankfully, NOTHING like that yummy shop near (enough) to me for any (more) damage to be done. Whew.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jo,

Now, let me see - that's a hard one.

So: How were they? I say "they" rather than "it" because, really, who can stop at just one?

Only Daughter,

You KNOW you don't mean it. But hey, no problem, I'm here to help... I'll eat one for you tomorrow. I'm already ruined.

Thanks for your visit!