Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Pekoe

Why can't I have coffee and an almond croissant?

I lost my cat Pekoe today. He was really my daughter's cat as she raised him after finding him abandoned in a beer cooler at the beach in Santa Monica. He was too young to leave his mother so she became his mother, feeding him with an eye dropper and encouraging him to live and thrive. And thrive he did. He quickly took over her household, dominating her two older, larger cats, and captivating her heart and mine.

A little over a year ago he came to live with me, and my daughter could not have given me a sweeter gift. As I've been losing my husband an inch at a time, Pekoe has taken over my heart, filling me with love and joy. He was diabetic and had to eat and get insulin injections every twelve hours. It sounds like a chore but his schedule grounded me. I was happy to come home to him every day, and even waking up at 5:30 a.m. was not difficult although I am by nature a night person. Pekoe's chosen meal time was 5:30, morning and evening, with no adjustment for Daylight Saving Time, and he hated to dine alone so I was required to sit on the floor next to his bowls and supervise every mouthful. In return, he jumped onto the kitchen table and rested by my plate whenever I ate because fair is fair. No matter what he was doing, he would awaken at the sound of activity in the kitchen and dutifully join me at my repast, only rarely taking a swipe at something that looked yummy. There is a big empty hole in all his favorite places and in my heart tonight. I am keeping his toys where he left them so if he visits, he'll have his favorite mousies to play with. I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye a few minutes ago. I'd like to think he is with me still.

The person who callously discarded him on that beach nine years ago will never know what a great spirit he had, or how much love he shared with us. Part of me wants to close my heart because losing a loved one is so very painful, but love is never wasted and always comes back to us in one way or another. I just wish we'd had him longer. Life is hard, with beautiful moments.


27 comments:

NoRegrets said...

So sorry. And so sweet. Glad you had time with him.

Paula said...

He looks and sounds like a wonderful cat. I'm sorry for your loss; I know how hard it is to lose a cat. House cats truly become a part of the family.

Cro Magnon said...

It's so difficult losing a well loved pet. I truly sympathise!

the walking man said...

For your loss I am sad.

neora chana said...

I am sorry. He sounds as if he had/has a wonderful spirit.

e said...

Having been adopted by four strays who came to me in various ways, I empathize completely. Losing one was losing a member of my family. Pekoe was beautiful and probably grateful for every moment with you. I am sorry for your loss.

Barb said...

To love and be loved in return whether animal or human is a true gift of life. I'm so glad you shared Pekoes' love for 9 years. I think you taught each other something valuable. Hugs to you in your sadness.

mischief said...

I'm so glad you had him for the time you did, that you and he were able to be there for each other and give each other what you needed. And sorry that he couldn't be with you longer. What a sweet face. Most of all I am glad you won't close your heart even though the loss hurts, because you are such a loving person and I suspect there are others out there that still need you, and are waiting for you to love them. xxx

the only daughter said...

I'm so sorry for you loss. I'm really dreading the day . . .

Pam said...

So sorry. I remember reading in previous posts how you had to factor in Pekoe's feeding and health needs with your other committments and thinking it must have been difficult to juggle everything. I realize only now that it was grounding and part of a routine, and probably helped, rather than contributed to emotional stress.
I think you are one very special lady. Your strength amazes me, and hope you find more to deal with this loss of your much loved cat.
Thinking of you.


Pam said...

(Beautiful photos).

witnessing am i said...

What a sweet, sweet little guy. And what a beautiful post. Rest in peace, dear Pekoe.

And you rest, too, Susan. Get some sleep. Be kind to yourself.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

No Regrets,

I'm glad, too. He was a wonderful cat.

Paula,

I've loved all my animals always, but Pekoe was the most lovely cat ever.

Cro Magnon,

Yes, it's very difficult. I miss him terribly.

Mark,

Thank you, dear one.

Neora,

So very true! I feel as if he is still here so I continue to talk to him. (Luckily no one will lock me up for this since I live alone.)

e,

Pekoe was dearly loved by my daughter and then by me, too. And he gave back so much to both of us.

Barb,

Thank you for the nice hugs!

Lisa,

If I knew how to close my heart, I probably would have a long time ago. But then I might have missed having Pekoe, and that would be even worse.

OD,

I hope it's a long time away for you.

Paula,

Pekoe kept me going for the last year. His schedule was definitely like a comforting anchor and now I feel adrift.

Molly said...

Rest in peace Pekoe!So sorry you lost such a good friend Susan...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

David,

He was incredibly sweet. You can tell by looking at him, can't you?

Molly,

I really, really miss him. He's supposed to be here.

Elaine Steward said...

So sorry, Sue...

RJS said...

I didn't realize that you'd written another post, or I would've responded sooner. You were both blessed to have each other. My heart goes out to you, sweetie. Our cat companions aren't just "pets," they're family.

Jocelyn said...

I am at a loss for words, as I read of you losing yet another boon companion. Yet your spirit still shines.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Elaine,

I know. Please give Mechón an ear-scratch for me.

RJS,

Sometimes four-leggeds are more satisfying family members.

Jocelyn,

I don't think I've ever known you to be at a loss for words. My spirit is very tired right now.

nick said...

How very sad. You must be missing him so badly, he was such a big part of your life.

Jackie Gaston said...

:(

Miss Healthypants said...

Aww, Pekoe was such a beautiful cat! - and from the sound of it, he had a beautiful spirit that helped you through some very rough times.

I have two cats, and dread the day that they pass away. My sympathies to you, my friend...

CiCi said...

Pekoe was a gift indeed. You say things so well. To know that the care of Pekoe kept you grounded in the midst of the hectic life you have right now shows how well you know yourself. You were the perfect human for Pekoe to live with the last part of his cat life. You have an understanding of love that many do not even "get".

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

I am indeed. Pekoe was my entire home life for the last year, and I miss him every minute.

Jackie,

Yeah.

Miss Hp,

He was a very large presence and a truly beautiful spirit. I was lucky to have him for the time I did.

Cici,

My daughter and I both loved Pekoe very much. I don't believe that the love we share with animals is any less than what we share with people, and sometimes it's even more rewarding.

silverthoughts2 said...

I am very sorry for your loss, losing a pet is probably one of the saddest things to endure.

Maria said...

Oh, my. So very sorry. And how sad that he had diabetes. But he was well loved and that must have made his passing easier. Not on you, but him.

I used to roll my eyes at people who fussed over their pets. I would cite my favorite quote from Bruce Springsteen about how your dog was your child until you had a child and then it was just a dog. And then we welcomed Socks to our family. Now, I cannot imagine how we survived without his fierce loyalty.

I am feeling for you....

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Silver,

It definitely is for me. I still miss all the animal family members I've lost.

Thank you for your visit.

Maria,

I'm glad Socks showed you how much you needed him when you became his pet.