Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Move Over, Hallmark

The newest fashion statement for summer is temporary cleavage tattoos with such statements as "Happy Birthday," "100% Natural," or "Paid For," in case they aren't. They last for about a week and are a steal at $12.95. The company founder says, "Ta-ta-toos allow you to express traditional statements in a unique way. They’re for when you want to do more than wear your heart on your sleeve."

Many designers are featuring them in their new collections. Even the venerable House of Chanel has the iconic double "C" logo available so you can look expensive-trashy if you're conflicted about your intended message.

Also available are inks that say "Special Delivery," "Let's Celebrate," "Naughty/Nice" and "Guess What? I'm Pregnant." I would suggest "Since You're Talking To Them Anyway, They Might As Well Join The Conversation" if it weren't so long. I don't know about you, girlfriends, but I don't have room for that much verbosity on my whole body.

It sure beats worrying about oil spills that threaten to swallow North America, the economy (which already has) or the many wars we're fighting. How about "I'm a twit" and "Ditto" on the other one?


Anonymous said...

Hmmm. "Dumb and Dumber"? "Though I walk through the valley...."? "Silicone Valley"? Wow.....this squirrel wonders why he did not think of this money spinning idea first!

nick said...

How about "This is not" and "My face"? or "Try looking" and "Upwards"?

secret agent woman said...

Seems to me any woman who would buy those and any man who would find them appealing are a perfect match.

TechnoBabe said...

All this little fluff does as you say take interest away from the oil in the gulf, corporation greed and power, invasions touted as war, news media slanted reports. Lots of people don't want to be faced with the reality, maybe that is why the ""reality" tv shows are so hot.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't donate to help feed babies or help the homeless because I had to get a tata tat.

Inane and insane.

meno said...

Mine are gonna say:

"Fuck off jerk"


"You suck"


"This space Available"


"Your message here"

Hey! This is fun.

Anonymous said...

Ah, good taste and culture continue to grow. Such hope for the world.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Are you sure you didn't invent this? You seem to have a pretty good um, handle, on it.


I like "This is not" "My face."


Good point! Maybe it's a good way to separate the wheat from the chaff.


You mean you have something against oil spills, corporate greed and invasions in the name of democracy? Really?

I loathe "reality" TV. It's just a cynical ploy to avoid paying actors because the networks know that most people will watch anything.


Always good to prioritize our spending. Maybe butt tats will be next. In most people, it's a bigger area -- more bang for the buck.


Or how about "Easily" "Amused?"


Oh yes, just when you think we can't sink any lower, we shoot that theory to ribbons.

secret agent woman said...

A second thought about it - with all that plastic she's got going on there, she should get real tattoos - I bet she wouldn't even feel it!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Great comment! Thank you for a much-needed laugh.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...


Nick, you are such a saint. ;)

So these were invented... because breasts don't get enough attention right now, as it is? :/

I've gotta say... the interest some men have had in my chest has led to an immediate and painful death sentence for them, unless I am feeling particularly gracious in which case they are merely humiliated beyond redemption by means of my razor sharp attitude and flaming tongue.

I'm so glad I saw these here, first, so that if I see them on someone in person, my notorious poker face won't betray what I'm really thinking, and hopefully my brain will react faster than my mouth.

Thanks for keeping us abreast of all the latest, Hearts. I love you enormously.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I do try to keep abreast of the news, even if it makes me the butt of bad puns.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

That was pretty bad. ;P
sorry about that!


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

heartinsanfrancisco said...


So was mine! All puns are "bad." That's what makes them good.