Friday, June 13, 2008

Fine Jewish Whine


Flip washed the dishes and the kitchen floor. Now he is reclining in his boxers with a beer and sighing like Atlas with the whole world on his shoulders.

(Here's what I did today: laundry, took cat to vet and learned to give subcutaneous injections with new drug paraphernalia, grocery shopped, worked in garden, rode bicycle (clothed,) cooked dinner, counseled friend with relationship problems, vacuumed, scoured bathroom, changed cat litter, read book.)

I said, "You're acting like an old Jewish lady in the Bronx, sitting at her window by a geranium plant, fanning herself with her hand and saying, 'Oy, have I got troubles.' I'm supposed to be the old Jewish lady around here."

"But I'm so good at it."

"They could all learn from you."

It's hard to understand how a WASP of the male persuasion manages to outdo a thousand centuries of Jewish persecution. He could make the Red Sea part with a few well-placed whines.

"You're stealing my culture," I told him. "Your culture is stiff upper lipdom and martinis. Tennis sweaters. Wonder bread with mayonnaise. Didn't you understand that?"

"I'll try to do better," he said.

30 comments:

Sienna said...

You have just described here, literally and accurately.

Apart from the boxers, they get substituted for tracky pants in winter...and nobody is allowed to sit in his chairs, he has a special chair in the kitchen, and a special chair and spot in the lounge and controls all the remotes.

...and then he throws in a nice pearler like:

"My mother raised 83 children in tougher times than you'll ever know"

(He might have said 6)..

"Fine".. I say..."go sleep with your mother then."

That usually works pretty effectively until he forgets about it.

He has perfected the sigh..and a look. I am thinking of divorcing him over the (combined) look and the watch checking.

Pam

Slip said...

Good woman, what did you accomplish after lunch? That poor man working him to death like that.

Dr.John said...

The problem in marriage is conflicting expectations. We never get just what we expected and so we whine a little. Ok maybe a lot. But the woman we married never does all the things my mother did for my father.
It's ok . I don't live up to her expectations either.

furiousBall said...

i say you two settle this with some arm-wrestling

The CEO said...

LOL, I get along with Judy so well because we get to spend so little time together. We are both working when the other one is home. It's absolutely true love.

witnessing am i said...

Flip's culture would never do the dishes and the kitchen floor either, perhaps, so maybe you have a prize there.

We men are big babies. The slightest cut, we need sympathy. The slightest work, we need applause. We are simple creatures, in need of lots and lots and lots of simple support. And we do appreciate the strength of women, which far outshines ours.

I love the photo. Great shot.

WNG said...

You tell him, Hearts!
You and Flip crack me up, and give me warm fuzzies all at the same time. How much you love him always comes through - evern through the whining :)

NoRegrets said...

I think it's just a man thing.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Oy Vey!

Mariposa said...

Flip is me in my relationship with the IT Guy! :D

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pam,

It's very hard to compete with a woman who raised 83 children in hard times. And your response is perfect! Sometimes I think they should all go sleep with their mothers, except for MY son, of course.

Slip,

Mowed the back 40, milked the cows, rebuilt the Caterpillar, ran up 100 party dresses for Saks, and single-handedly stopped a crew of bank robbers in their tracks.

It didn't seem worth mentioning.

Dr. John,

I read somewhere that men marry women expecting that they will never change, and they do, while women marry men in hopes of changing them, but they can't.

Thank you for your visit here.

Van,

He wouldn't stand a chance.

Monty,

Flip and I used to live like that when he worked nights and I worked days. We left notes for each other around the house and got along perfectly.

Hmmm.

David,

Oh, we've got appreciation down pat. We always thank each other for washing the dishes, making the bed, cooking dinner, always. And we mean it.

The photo is Gertrude Berg who starred in an early TV show called "The Goldbergs," which she also wrote and directed.

Wng,

You're very perceptive. If I didn't love him, I would never write about him at all.

Noregrets,

I know. It's probably just a matter of degree.

Calvin,

Good kvetching, young man. Does your mama know you use words like that?

Mariposa,

Uh oh. :<)

Nick said...

Well, that looks like a rather uneven division of labour to me. All right for some! And it's funny how often men control the remote, and even control what TV progs get watched. I'd never get away with that, Jenny hogs the remote all the time, mainly channel hopping in the hope of finding something vaguely watchable.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

Flip does love his remoteS (plural.) I think it's in his DNA.

He has the DVD player programmed to use three of them (I think, maybe four) and I have no idea how to navigate it.

I think this falls into the category of making oneself indispensable.

RED MOJO said...

My observation is that typically, the better he looks sitting there in his boxers, the less he really needs to do to gain favor. ;)

jameil1922 said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA. well you seem to have the stiff upper lip down. i will take the drinks on the lido deck.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I don't know that this is a culture thing... this may be more of a 'man/woman' thing.

I know a lot of guys like that, and none of them are Jewish, nor are they trying to be, they are just like that.

Seriously, Hearts, maybe look at this on a more distant scale... step way back.. just male/female... details other than that could be irrelevant.

Or, perhaps you inspire him to adopt your culture.

You inspire me, so who knows.

;o)

You also make me laugh every time I come here. Thanks, lady.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

meno said...

Everytime my husband does one little thing he has to come and announce it to me.

"I emptied the dishwasher!"

It's all i can do to resist patting him on the head and giving him a milkbone.

citizen of the world said...

At least you guys have fun with the tussle over who should get to whine.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mojo,

I'm sure that's his thinking, too.

Jameil,

I don't know about the stiff upper lip in my case, but I"m far more macho than my gentle (and oft whiny but good-hearted) husband.

Scarlett,

"My" culture is basically a free-form arrangement of my own making. I know more about so-called Jewish culture from reading and TV (Seinfeld et.al)than I ever learned from my parents, but Flip is a natural.

It's a shock to realize that I am married to a 6'4" little old lady mit ein accent.

Meno,

Now you've made me laugh out loud! I say give him the Milkbone and say "Good boy!" Although he may not be after dog cookies.

A young lady of whom I am exceedingly fond told me that her baby daddy changed 1 diaper for every 500 or so that she changed but expected a medal and a blowjob whenever he did.

Citizen,

He wins every time. I'm a gentleman that way.

MsLittlePea said...

Ha! I was just having a conversation with my best friend about how we give men so much praise for doing the tiniest of chores. Or get all worked up over a guy who can cook like it's this huge deal, hell I cook every day, nobody stands in line to give me a trophy! :O) My husband will take out the trash and walks in like he's just conquered the free world.

Glad you're not one of those either. I'll have pity on Flip when you post that he cleaned the bathroom....

Mel said...

*chuckling*

Oh, I know this one.....but in our household it happens when himself mutters a bit of Yiddish he's stolen........in his cute little English accent, it's just too hysterical.
LOL

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Sweet Pea,

Oh, thank you for that wonderful idea! I'll ask him to clean the bathroom tomorrow.

He also conquers the garbage bin regularly, too. It was remiss of me not to mention it.

Mel,

Maybe I should ask Flip for Yiddish lessons. He probably knows some since a really competent whine demands it.

Welcome and thanks for coming by.

rhubarbwhine said...

It's global. I think it comes with testoserone and hairy balls.
(Can I say balls on your blog?)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rhubarb,

Of course. You can say anything you like here -- you're among friends.

On a limb with Claudia said...

Ahahahahahahahaha I love Flip. He's a perfect balance for your wonderful intensity. I'm glad you have him.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Claudia,

I'm glad, too. He is the epitome of laid-backness while I -- am not.

Claudia said...

LMAO! Beautiful.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Claudia,

Thank you. :<) !

Angela said...

Funny discourse! As someone who has also completely schlepped off of Jewish culture (and been lucky enough to have experienced it firsthand with a mate) I must say that the experience is tremendous. Where the hell would we be without Jewish culture? Lost, I tell you! lol! Oy vey!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I didn't grow up in the culture but read a lot, while Flip is a natural despite his WASP and Native American ancestry.

Vere would ve be indeed? Mein Gott.