Saturday, April 12, 2008

Sickness

Me: I don't feel well.

Flip: I'm sorry.

Me: (Cranks it up a notch.) I don't feeeeeel well!

Flip: I'm sorry.

Me: No, you're not. It's just an automatic response like "I love you" or "Heil Hitler."

Flip: If I could take it away from you and put it on me, I would.

Me: Oh, GOD, no. That would be worse. For me.

We get into bed.

Me: My feet are cold.

Flip: Your feet are always cold.

Me: No, they're really, really cold.

Flip:

Me: I'm freezing to death through my toes.

Flip: Keep them over there.

Me: You know how many guys would kill to have these feet on them?

Flip: Over. There.

Me: Millions. (Places freezer foot on his legs, which are practically steaming.)

Flip: (Unintelligible pain sounds)

Me: Ahhhh.

Flip: Some day, when you least expect it... POW!

Me: You can't hit me. I'm a GIRL. (Plants second icy foot between his legs.)

Flip: Just get it over with.

Me: You hate me because I'm Jewish, don't you?

Flip: (Buries face in pillow)

Me: It's too hot in here. (Throws off comforter.)

38 comments:

RED MOJO said...

I do think this is funny!! Is there something wrong with me?
"Cold feet, warm heart" Right?

Tanya Brown said...

Have you been bugging my bedroom? This conversation sounds hauntingly familiar.

the walking man said...

Hearts,
I am sorry your not feeling well but at 0430 you had me laughing hard enough to almost wake the wife. Then I would have had to have had a similar conversation.

Peace

mark

Nick said...

Jenny and I have these conversations all the time. She's always feeling chilly, I'm always feeling too hot. So the central heating goes on, off, on, off all day. When we're in bed, if I've just been out of bed for a minute, she complains I'm freezing. And she's always got a cold nose.

Now I see why you were googling an iceberg pic and stumbled on my blog!

furiousBall said...

haha, god bless Flip

Christy said...

I am having a deja vu moment. I thought I read this on your blog before it is so weird.

I hope you feel better!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

could have been a conversation between my wife and I. You captured it wonderfully.

Ian Lidster said...

Aw, c'mon. You and Flip are actually Wendy and Me just transported a few miles south. You are so funny, and that was hilarious and true. Right now I'd cherish Wendy's cold feet on me on a regular basis. Anyway, I hope you're feeling immensely better very soon.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mojo,

I suppose it's better than the other way around.

Tanya,

Apparently this is not unusual bedtime fare for those who share a bed.

Mark,

Thanks for your kind wishes. I feel much better today, and I'm glad you didn't wake your wife.

Nick,

Yes, and I commented on your blog In Google Images before I realized that it was from LAST April.

Very swift, this one. Nothing gets by me.

Furious,

He did. He has ME. (Or so I would have him believe.) He is long-suffering, that boy.

Christy,

I posted it for 5 minutes last Monday but reeled it in and put up the post about the protesters climbing the Golden Gate Bridge, which I thought far more interesting.

Red Mojo told me that it appeared in Google Reader, so that's probably where you read it.

Since I don't have GR, I thought it just told when someone had posted something.

Sorry for the confusion.

Calvin,

There is jut something irresistible about a warm body when one has popsicle toes.

Ian,

There, you see? Men LOVE cold feet. I can't wait to tell Flip.

Molly said...

Ditto to what Tanya said!

Angela said...

Oh my god. That may be the funniest (I know, I know -- most funny) post I've ever read. We ARE soulmates, my dear. I just don't have anyone to put my cold feet on right now. Think you could clone Flip for me? (And I sure hope you're feeling better soon!!!!)

katrice said...

Yeah, what's their big deal with our cold feet? Why can't they handle a little chill, huh?

Josie said...

Hearts, you're sick and Flip is being ...flippant? You tell him Josie said he's got some 'splainin to do!

Men are such babies. Whenever he gets sick, one of my Munchkins lies on the chesterfield, where everyone can see him, moaning, "I'm soooooo sick! I'm soooooo sick!" My daugher says, "Yup, he's a guy, alright."

On a limb with Claudia said...

I hope you feel better. I've been stricken again with this stomach bug. Arg. I do love you and Flip - clearly a marriage made in heaven!

(I wear socks to bed. I read an article in Men's heath that people who wear socks to bed sleep better - try it!)

The CEO said...

This is what marriage is all about. Single people need to read it so they stop thinking they know what marriage is all about. Well done. You could be my wife if you changed your name and were shorter.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Molly,

Good thing the nuns didn't know you were Jewish.

Angela,

I am, thanks. But my feet will be astoundingly cold at bedtime.

Katrice,

Because men are wussies, my dear. That's why.

Josie,

I'm not sick. I was just feeling poorly and tried to parlay it into some attention and concern.

I wish I had a chesterfield to lie on, too.

Claudia,

I hope you feel better soon!

I've tried wearing socks to bed. After a few minutes of freezing, I get so warm that I scrape them off under the covers.

Maybe I should wear them on my eyes and ears as a sleep aid.

Monty,

How tall is Judy then? I don't often meet grown-ups who are shorter than I am.

Odat said...

Awww...how cute....not that you're sick...just the whole picture I got in my head after reading this...Hope you're better!!!
My feet never get cold, they're always hot...and I can't stand having covers on them...I actually stick them out of the covers when I sleep.
Peace

riseoutofme said...

They love it.

Really.

Makes them feel manly.

Pow.

Missed.

Bob said...

I didn't know you were jewish.

jalishouse said...

I love this piece of life you shared with us.

I have to have my comforter AND fan at the same time. My standard refrain is, "I'm Hooooooot,." (well because I am at that moment until I get cold.)

Rebecca said...

LOL. I have SOOOO done this before to my poor husband. Feel better soon!!

r.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Odat,

As a child, I always slept with one foot out of the covers but maybe it was just to get a running start if I needed it.

Rise,

I always tell him to man up when he complains. It works wonders.

Bob,

Nobody's perfect.

Jali,

Now that's climate control. Way to go.

Rebecca,

I'm fine, thanks! It's Flip who is probably damaged for life.

Miao said...

That's sweet.

Craze said...

Love the sense of humor you two share. Hope you're feeling better.

Craze said...

Love the sense of humor you two share. Hope you're feeling better.

witnessing am i said...

That Flip is one heckuva saint. He did well. Really, as well as he could have.

Hope you are feeling better and that you are warmer now. No, um, I hope that you are cooler now. Oh, no, wait a minute, I hope you are less Jewish. No, less girly. No, um, forget all that. I hope . . . all is well.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Miao,

He had no choice.

Thanks for your visit!

Craze,

Never better. Having a live footwarmer is wonderfully healing.

David,

I am both warmer and cooler, but still female and as Jewish as I have ever been.

Dianne said...

this was fun reading although I am sorry you're not feeling well.

I would love to have cold feet, cold anything!

I always feel as though I have been set on fire and no one is there to put me out.

WNG said...

I have a crush on you and Flip. Just thought you should know.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Dianne,

I wish I had more internal heat source because it's freezing here and I have an electric space heater so close that I have to be careful not to set my warm wrap on fire.

We should get together to neutralize your heat and my cold.

Wng,

Awwwwww. Back atcha, sweet girl!

the psycho therapist said...

You hate me because I'm Jewish, don't you?

I didn't think I could laugh any harder until I read this.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Exactly what I needed. Been there, bought the t-shirt and got another to give away just in case.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wendy,

Wait. There's a t-shirt?

Mariposa said...

I've been absent....so catching up just now...

OMG, this sounds soooo familiar!!! You made me laugh...despite the lask of sleep for the past 16 hours!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mariposa,

Why aren't you sleeping? Is everything all right, or are you just too busy to sleep?

jameil1922 said...

"Keep them over there." LMAO@ the love!!! too hilarious.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jameil,

All his cries are in vain. The cold feet are magnetically drawn to warmth.

Rachel Schell said...

haha!! that's hilarious! my feet are always ice cubes when I get into bed.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rachel,

Just as long as you realize IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.