I've been trying to convince Flip to run for President. I suggested that he toss his hat in the ring. He has several hats, actually, one for each baseball team whose city we have ever visited, and is able to switch loyalties according to his mood. And his outfit.
I pointed out that he also has a bicycle hat. "Helmet," he corrected me. "It goes on your head -- it's a hat," I replied. He walked away shaking his (hatless) head. I smiled. Gave myself a few high-fives.
Here are some benefits if he were President:
We would have enough room for all the animals that need a home. After all, the President probably gets a very large allowance for new carpeting. He could have an entire wing for his guitars. And hats. He plays well with others. Never holds grudges. Good handshake. He would be paid for doing nothing. I'm sure that Flip could do nothing at least as effectively as others have. The White House has a beautiful rose garden. I love roses. Even though a humongous thorn impaled my finger yesterday, which is now red and swollen, infected, too, and I'm probably going to die of it.
It's unfair that we always injure the hand we use most. I am not even slightly ambidextrous, but my left hand will have to be my right hand soon. We would get to travel all over the world and wave at crowds from motorcades. I've been studying great wavers, and practicing. Madonna is good, but Queen Elizabeth has the best wave ever. Minimalist. The lady never breaks a sweat. She probably had waving lessons. I wonder if people curtsy to the First Lady. I hope so. It would be fun to be curtsied to. Also, justice. I refused to curtsy as a child because it was girly, which made my mother cry. My mother was born with a silver cross in her back and cried easily. I think she had crying lessons. It was always over me. Flip could have a really good band and do his own command performances.
I would be the first First Lady in history to wear blue jeans on Air Force One. Everything else in my closet would be cashmere, except for the ball gowns. And shoes. I would have one of those revolving dry cleaner's racks for my clothes, stretching for miles. Miles.
Flip asked me why I don't run for President myself since I'm always complaining about women being second class citizens. I couldn't believe he asked me that. I have better things to do with my time.
