Squirrels around the world are getting well, squirrelly. There have been reports of numerous fluffy rodent attacks in Mountain View, California during the past week, injuring several humans and stealing a bag of cookies from a baby stroller. The town has decided to take action and will be setting traps, as well they should. Stealing Oreos must not be tolerated.
In Russia, a pack of crazed squirrels attacked a large dog and bit him to death within seconds. The attack was witnessed by several people who said the animals skittered off, carrying hunks of dog flesh, when they realized they were being observed. The squirrels have since met with their lawyers and are cooking up their alibi. Some commentators feel they really screwed the pooch, but the dog tartar is no longer in evidence. The incident has been attributed to a lack of pine cones in the forest.
In yet another frightening development, park rangers found the gutted carcass of a large animal thought to be a moose. A rabid squirrel in aviator goggles was apprehended fleeing the scene.
