I sent Flip to the Men's Department while I conducted my transaction so he wouldn't see me cry. Nordstrom's was having a sale, and he is a bit of a shirt junkie. Okay, he's the Shirt King. His Indian name is Many Shirts.
He found several. They were not on sale. He bought them anyway because cost is irrelevant to Flip. He is a black hole where money is concerned. He has a philosophy of life slightly to the left of whoopee.
When I caught up with him, at the register, I noticed that they had some men's shoes on sale, too. Very nice ones. I suggested he try some because he does need more shoes.
This is true of everyone, of course. It is physically impossible to have too many shoes. The sale shoes didn't fit, but he saw some Other Shoes. The really expensive Not-On-Sale shoes.
He tried on a pair.
"Do they look gay?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Let's ask the salesman. He's a guy. He'll know."
"Do these look gay?" I asked the young man. As I was speaking, I noticed that he was wearing earrings. Uh oh. Diamond studs. Big ones. I was relieved to see that they were in BOTH ears, not just the right one.
He assured Flip that the shoes did not look gay. But he had lost his credibility because Flip had also spotted the diamond earrings. He requested a different style in his size.
As the nice young salesman with diamond earrings sparkled into the stock room, Flip said to me, "Nice work. We'll never see him again."
"Of course we will," I said.
"He took an early lunch. Or quit. You really have a way."
"Lots of straight men wear earrings in both ears," I said. "It doesn't mean he's a double-hitter or anything. It's just a style."
Flip shook his head. "Trust me. They don't. When the store closes, we'll still be sitting here. You lost him."
He began to shove his feet back into his sneakers.
"I happen to know that many gay men don't want to look 'gay' either," I said. He rolled his eyes in that annoying way people do when I talk to them.
"In the ear, out the mouth," my husband muttered. I hate it when he does that. I think that muttering shows disrespect. I offered to disappear (into Womens' shoes) but he was sure the harm was already done. He had no idea how much harm I could do over there. (Bless his heart.)
Eventually, our salesman returned. Flip bought the shoes. He probably would have even if they didn't fit to make it up to the guy.
Flip is not a homophobe; he just doesn't want to LOOK gay. I do not understand why this is an issue for men. It's common knowledge that gay men often have incredible taste.
Women would kill for the chance to look fabulous. We wouldn't quibble. So why would a man deliberately settle for looking like a guy when he could dress like a gay guy and turn heads?
I just don't get it.
