I have an unhealthy affinity for bubble wrap. I love to squeeze the bubbles until they pop. It reminds me of stomping kelp at the seashore, which I also love to do.
I am in heaven today. Flip needed a small amount for a package he was mailing.
He wondered if we had any in the house. Of course we didn't. I used it all.
"Why don't you go to the UPS Store and buy a roll?" I slyly suggested. I was practically quivering. He looked at me with that peculiar mix of pity and contempt normally reserved for drug addicts and falling-down drunks.
"It's near the back of the store, across from the desk," I trilled. "On your right, second shelf from the bottom. To the left."
I thought I might have betrayed too much, but I am nothing if not helpful.
He knew exactly what would happen. He understands about facilitators. He hesitated. But his package... he went to the store.
I couldn't believe my good fortune. It was impossible to do anything productive until he got back with the goods. I gave myself high fives to pass the time.
I have never owned a whole roll of the stuff. I usually just save it from Christmas presents and the occasional fragile object I buy that has to be carefully wrapped for its trip home.
He brought a 5 foot x 15 inch roll back to my lair, like a wolf regurgitating a kill for its babies. I immediately cut off a large piece for myself.
"I'll just do this line," I chirped.
He got that knowing look again. I hate it when he does that, but it's way too late to salvage any kind of pride.
"You're a real sickie," he said. "Maybe you could join Bubbles Anonymous."
He suggested that I get naked and wrap myself in it.
Nobody realizes the intrinsic creative possibilities in bubble wrap. I am a great musician practicing on my fabulous percussion instrument. I am Snap, Crackle and Pop all rolled into one. I am a perp with a semiautomatic. I am Thor, the God of Thunder, ripping across the night sky. I am once again a nine year old at my cousin's birthday party, popping all the balloons that festooned her house. (I couldn't sit down for a week, but it was worth it.)
Bubble wrap is my rosary. My mala. I am very devout.
Who needs firecrackers for Chinese New Year? I've got your firecrackers right here.
Pop pop pop pop POP goes the weasel.
