Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Help! Need Drone Missile

My first boyfriend has written an autobiography, bursting with hubris. He tells all about everyone, including real names.  What is more, he has sent it to everyone he knows, many of whom are people I know, too. Needless to say, some of us would like to lynch him. I have spent hours on the phone with his sister whom I adore and whose relationship with a Very Famous Person is being offered up as well because the writer, and I use that word advisedly, seems to believe it bestows fame on him, too. He is all about fame and fortune without ever having earned either. Still, he seems to think he deserves it simply by virtue of his (sorry) existence. Much of the book details all the women he has bedded even though none of them is famous. He could easily have changed their names but despite having no moral or ethical principles at all, he has taken a stand on the integrity of his narrative which dictates that the names be scrupulously accurate.

One of the particularly sordid stories is about a woman he knew in medical school who got pregnant and for whom he procured an illegal abortion. He did not spare any concern for the effects of this situation on her life, only his own. He also declined to change her name because she hasn't asked him to. His sister asked how she could make such a request if she didn't know about it. He had no answer, which did not seem to trouble him.

He even portrays his parents, who were utterly fine and delightful people, in a bad light while being inordinately proud of his illustrious ancestors on both sides of his family. I think those ancestors are all spinning in their graves now.

He has also sent his manuscript to every online publisher he knows, and since he has published political essays in the past there is a chance someone will accept it. I am hopeful that the bad writing and obvious insanity will preclude that possibility, but he has already done considerable harm by disseminating this disgustingly arrogant piece of offal.

I know we're dealing with extreme mental illness but he is cutting a very wide swath, hurting everyone whose life has ever intersected with his own. I don't believe he does this in anger, yet for an intelligent man he is profoundly obtuse. He seems incapable of understanding that he doesn't have the right to violate other people's privacy, but then how could he? He considers everyone either useful or not useful to him and does not recognize that they have independent lives and sensibilities. He has the emotional delicacy of a tick, and ticks are notoriously hard to squash.

I unfriended him on Facebook but it seems so ineffectual compared to the rage I feel.

Whatever happened to the idea that a gentleman does not kiss and tell?


mischief said...

Yuck, he sounds awful. I wonder if there are any privacy laws that can protect these people? I know there's a real lack of privacy for celebrities in the US, but aren't there privacy laws to protect ordinary citizens? I certainly hope so... This man sounds like scum.

Paula said...

So sorry about this, Susan!
Mischief, in the US, to sue for slander or libel, you have to be able to prove that the person's speech or writing has had an adverse effect on your income, that it has caused you to take some sort of financial loss. In Britain, however, it is much easier to get satisfaction!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Unfortunately it's too late for any privacy laws even if they exist. The cats have already been released from the bags. As nearly as I can tell he has trashed every opportunity that has come his way, which is far more than most people get, and is proud of his lifelong insistence on "freedom." He thinks I should be thrilled to be in his book because he said I was beautiful.


My son and brother are both lawyers. It won't help. Too many people I know have already read it and you can't unring a bell. It's really unfair as I am innocent of anything but innocence.

But I googled privacy laws and this is what I found: "United States privacy law embodies several different legal concepts. One is the invasion of privacy, a tort based in common law allowing an aggrieved party to bring a lawsuit against an individual who unlawfully intrudes into his or her private affairs, discloses his or her private information, publicizes him or her in a false light, or appropriates his or her name for personal gain.[1] Public figures have less privacy, and this is an evolving area of law as it relates to the media."

I would love to hit him with a class-action law suit.

Cro Magnon said...

Your last sentence pre-empted my comment. The current fashion for 'kiss and tell' writing is sick. If it really is the only way people have to make money, then it shows what shallow people they are.

I'm sure you (maybe together with the other maligned) can find some chink in the law. This needs to stop.

Anonymous said...

How awful to have the memory of your first boyfriend tainted forever by such bad behavior. There are many things that can be overlooked in life, but this kind of unnecessary betrayal is inexcusable.

If a class-action suit is out of the question, perhaps you could interview the women affected and write a get even kiss & tell book based on their memories. (I'm only half serious, but how awful would he feel if his secrets were shared on the same circuit)

Of course that in itself might make him famous in the way he desires even if the collected stories were at best, a catalog of his short-comings.

Maria said...

I say that you see if the sister can help you contact the other women in the book and you can all file a class action suit together. It might not stop him, but it will cause him some financial discomfort as he will need to engage a lawyer at some point.

And since you have lawyers in your family, they could do this pro bono and it could be very interesting and not cost you a dime....

English Rider said...

The legal path will only enhance his notoriety. Pretend you've never heard of him, or his book. Erase him from your world with some "innocent stock answers, ie: Hmm, he can't have been very memorable, he didn't leave any impression on me..."

Paula said...

Aren't you glad you didn't MARRY him!
Actually, way off topic, I wanted to let you know I got my four year driver's license renewed today, WITHOUT having to put my reading glasses on!

the walking man said...

No No re-friend him on FB until you find out if he found a publisher or through his sister and then threaten the publisher with breach of privacy.

He may have written it, others may have read it but if it is not guaranteed to sell 100,000 copies or so they won't touch it with a threat of legal action pending. And as none of the people in this book are famous what is there to sell. the lurid details of just about every persons life?

Yep right I want to read about every person who has a different name but I screwed over.

All you women sit down and write an answering book to companion with this tome, whatever you do you don't complain about being human with flaws and scars. You fucking fight back.

A kick in the nuts would be the starting line.

nick said...

What a despicable bit of work. The invasion of privacy, the real names, the general trashing of everyone. One can only hope that potential publishers will see so much trouble coming from the people he has maligned that they keep well away.

If it is ever published, and gets any serious attention, your best bet is probably a letter to a prominent newspaper putting the record straight. If it sinks like a stone, then no problem.

A legal case would be very expensive and not at all certain to get the outcome you want. I would think very carefully before going down that route.

Anonymous said...

Sounds an awful lot like DB. Always an unwarranted arrogance about the little creep. His father was a nice and brilliant man. Sad he had to produce such a sorry excuse for a mench.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Cro Magnon,

Luckily there are also many men who would not dream of doing this, in fact I think most would not.


You've hit the nail on the head. I think it upset me so much because he completely trashed what should have been a precious memory for me. You are also dead-on that any attention at all would please him, no matter how uncomplimentary.


Way ahead of you. His sister does not have access to his lists, unfortunately.


He probably won't even notice that I unfriended him on Facebook. His eyes turn inward.


YES!!! And congratulations on getting your license renewed. You see, we both worried for nothing.


All excellent advice, but at this point I just want to forget this happened. In fact, I want to forget that he exists and if possible, to even muster some compassion for a majorly flawed human being. (I am no saint, though. It may not be possible.)


I almost deleted your comment as I am plagued with Anonymous comments, sometimes as many as 25 in one day, advertising porn, Viagra, etc. I think I know who you are, however, and your assessment of both the subject of this post and his father is accurate. His mother was also a wonderful person.

CiCi said...

Hi Susan, I agree with Gifts; it is sad that the memories of your first boyfriends have been sucked under the muddy waters by the very same boyfriend. He must be mentally ill (which I am very familiar) or extremely self centered. Hopefully the book will not sell well. I am sorry you have one more thing in your life that is disturbing for you.

Anonymous said...

It is so sad that we have to talk about this kind of writing -- scandalous, masturbatory and just plain bad -- when there is so much other great stuff out there (see every post in the blog called Guilty With An Explanation).

I trust justice will hold and this "book" will never see the light of day. I am crossing my fingers, my toes and my eyes just in case.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I don't think mentally ill and self-centered are mutually exclusive. It's disappointing to realize that someone who was once a friend has become such a jackass. It seems he always was.


You've put your finger on it, so to speak. It is masturbatory. I guess we all hope to be remembered for something - it's sad that a person with some real capability would settle for something like this.

Secret Agent Woman said...

Oh my God, what a loathsome excuse for a human being. I am so sorry - for you and everyone else he betrays with his book.

Ian Lidster said...

What a shameless creep. The problem is, such people revel in their creepiness. All you can hope is that someone sues his ass off.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


I was particularly curious to see what you would comment if you read this post. I'm over it now. Why throw good energy after bad?


I have a theory that he has flunked his whole incarnation.