Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Tiffany-Brittany-Ashley-Crystal-Brandi and the Dinosaur Dung

On the sidewalk, I encountered a young woman with a large, squatting dog on leash. The dog was producing the biggest turds I have ever seen, and I have had many very large dogs - and a wolf. I've had ponies. This dog was a freak of nature. After he had filled most of the concrete squares within a two-block radius, she yanked his leash and began to sashay away, flipping her voluntary-blond hair.

"You're not going to clean that up?" I asked.

In a voice so impossibly high that only dogs could hear it, she wailed, "I don't have anything with me."

"Use your hands, bitch" was the appropriate answer, but I was holding my breath against the odor - not the best way to have a conversation. She pranced on her way, dragging poor Fido, who must have weighed at least 20 pounds less than he had a few minutes before.

So here's the thing: If you're walking a dog in the city, you should be carrying plastic bags for poop scooping. It's the law. Unless you have no intention of abiding by it, which clearly she didn't. Nobody loves dogs more than I, but many dog owners seem to think they're exempt from the responsibility that goes with it. I'm not feeling the love right now.


furiousBall said...

or alternatively, carry a hockey stick and work on your wrist shot

TechnoBabe said...

I believe that pet owners must take full responsibility for their pets whether in the city or country, if they walk their dog they must pick up the dog poop. I think that like other areas in life, some people think they are more important than the rest of us and rules are of no importance to them. Their lack of respect for others is a life long way for them.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for saving Western civilization!

Pea said...

As a dog owner, I agree. It should be easy to pick up after a dog in a city where there are trash cans to use so she has no excuse.

Bob said...

next time, use your cell phone to take her picture, then tell her you are filing a complaint with the police. maybe that'll get her attention.

the only daughter said...

That's just plain rude. Not to mention tacky.

nick said...

Can you not turn this giant dog to a positive use? Locate the home of the local politician you most detest, bring in the dog and turn the politician's sidewalk into a stinking mess. And threaten to repeat each day until your very reasonable demands are met.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Not to be too graphic, but these were no hockey pucks.


You've summed up the real issue in this post, the feeling of entitlement which excuses people from having any respect for others. Hopefully, a rude awakening awaits.


I try.


It's inconsiderate and shows contempt for others. Many of the lovely dogs around here have idiots for owners.


Great idea! I wish I'd thought of it.


To say nothing of nasty and yukky.


It's not my dog. (Do you remember the wonderful bit in the Pink Panther when a man asks Peter Sellers if his dog bites? He says "no." Then the dog at his feet bites the man, who says, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite." Sellers replies, "It's not my dog."

Anonymous said...

Indeed use your hands, bitch! God, I can't get over people with that level of irresponsibility. We see it in rural areas, too. In fact, on our recent Oregon sojourn we noticed a charming practice in one of the wonderful state parks in the place, that people would actually scoop the shit into a plastic bag (good for them, you might think) but then just leave the bag where they'd liberated the poop. So, who was supposed to pick the bag up, the crap gnomes?

Katy said...

As a dog owner living in the city I completely agree. Pick up your crap people!!! My other huge pet peeve are the idiots who walk their dogs without a leash and then yell, "They're friendly" when they start attacking my dog. WTF people? Grab some bags and get a lesh or else don't own a dog in the city.

nick said...

Oh I know, but you could just hire the dog for ten minutes. She might even loathe the same politicians....

secret agent woman said...

I like Bob's idea.

I have a real issue with that. Alos with people who let there dogs roam free to poop in my yard.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


The Crap Gnomes are right up there with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. And just as likely to appear.


I'm sure that half the dogs in this city are ashamed of their owners and embarrassed to be seen with them. The people you mention are the same ones whose children are perfectly obnoxious in public because they are not taught respect for others. The apple doesn't fall far...

Thank you for your visit!


Trust me. That froufrou twit and I have nothing in common.


That's another problem for sure. When we owned a house and acreage in TN, our swinish neighbors trained their dogs to use our lawn for a toilet - theirs was too full of cars on blocks and piles of carburetors.

Warty Mammal said...

LOL at Ian's crap gnomes coinage.

I'm curious as to how this young woman will handle her children's excretory activities, should she ever have kids. Personally, I assume that if I'm responsible for a creature, I'm responsible for it's not fouling public areas.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Well, that's you. You are not Tiffany-Brittany-Etc. Nor am I. Let's hope she doesn't breed.

meno said...

What do you want to bet that she says this EVERY time?

Inconsiderate moron.

heartinsanfrancisco said...


My thoughts exactly. If you have a dog and habitually clean up after it, taking plastic bags becomes second nature, as in "never leave home without it."

I felt rather like a rabid dog for a minute there, but rarely bite people.

Brown said...

I have a pretty big pup, and he poops more than a NFL linebacker. There's been a few times that I've forgotten baggies, and I've felt extremely embarrassed. I've even gone back to get the evidence!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


You should give lessons. I prefer big dogs, but even little-dog poops left on the sidewalks are offensive.

Meggie said...

As a dog owner, who tries to always be responsible, I find owners who do this when their dogs make poo castles, sooo despicable. I always feel like scooping the offending pile up, & hurling it after the owner~ using my plastic bag, of course!

heartinsanfrancisco said...


Oh, please do -- and post a video! It's a rough job but somebody's got to do it.