Friday, November 06, 2009

Die, Facebook, DIE


Have I mentioned lately how much I hate Facebook? None of the buttons works. For weeks I have been unable to accept a friend request from my cousin, whom I adore, or to send one to her or anyone else. I have tried repeatedly to block a couple of people I do NOT adore and FB keeps deleting what I type and stating that I have not blocked anyone. I am not even able to access my own friends list. Plus, my page has been taken over by someone with the same last name who is not a relative, and who seems to be obsessed with a Mafia Wars game which does not interest me in the least. So then people who are his friends, presumably, but whom I do not know comment to his progress in the game and my page does not feel like mine at all. He's a nice guy, but I feel as if I'm hosting a video game convention, and I am a pinball person. (Tilting is everything.)

I have thought the whole concept of Facebook was puerile, stupid and shallow from the start, but several people urged me to give it another chance. So I tried to get help, and after typing in "Other" twice to convey that my problem was not covered in their list of possible issues, I got a box where I could write what my problem was, which I did. Then I tried to deactivate my account, but even this didn't work because they kept telling me to type a security code which never loaded. Evidently, I'm a lifer. Facebook is like the Crips, the Bloods, or Ikea. Once you get in, you can never get out. Please send in the rescue dogs, an airlift patrol, a SWAT team, several sherpas and John Wayne. If none of this is possible, I would appreciate chocolate.

39 comments:

Kat said...

Oh my! I have just become a follower of your blog...and I feel your pain about Facebook! I am still confused daily at the new things I don't know how to work! And why can't they just delete the stupid profile?! I tried once and it just told me that it was basically on "hold". That is NOT what delete means to me! Love your blog!

rachelslessonslearned said...

I laugh at the PERFECT Ikea slam!

I feel for you. Facebook is revamping their website and instead of using a beta version to test the bugs, they have unleashed it upon thier unwilling victims. I'm about to slaughter it myself.

secret agent woman said...

Just so you know, you can block Mafia Wars and all that other crap so it doesn't clutter up your page.

Cecilieaux said...

I swear this must have something to do with your using a Mac. Not being snotty. Facebook works for me and for some of the most computer-illiterate people I know (which does not include you).

mischief said...

Oh poor heart! I use a Mac too and Facebook works okay, but I'm frustrated with it too, for different reasons. Actually I'm frightened of it. It keeps making suggestions about who I should be friends with, and I want to know how it KNOWS this kind of thing, especially when it's selecting people who have no friends in common with me. How does it know who I've worked with in other cities ten years ago? It's terrifying. As for Mafia Wars, maybe you should just grab a weapon and join in. Take a crowbar to the heads of the Facebook team or something?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Kat,

I would agree - "delete" means gone, out of there, defunct and eradicated. I'm sure putting you on hold is a trick, just like not allowing me to deactivate my page. Nobody leaves the room.

Welcome to my blog, brand new blogger! I love your avatar.

Rachel,

I would like to tell them to revamp THIS, but you can't actually reach a real person. They are hiding behind a firewall a million feet thick with no reception of any kind.

Agent,

I tried but nothing changed. Since I have never put any energy into FB, my page reflects that of other people, which is surely not the point. I have become an annex for Mafia Wars enthusiasts.

Cecil,

No, darlin', it does NOT have anything to do with using a Mac. You need to stop defaulting to that tired old position on every issue. I know many people with Macs who seem to paddle around most contentedly in the FB slop with nary a problem. (And btw, I am fairly computer-literate and I know how to read.) Clearly, Facebook senses my feelings which range between ennui and abhorrence, and is taking no prisoners.

Mischief,

Facebook is like Big Brother. It sees all, knows all and tells all. And I think your crowbar idea has merit.

Thank you for your visit!

nick said...

I don't hate Facebook but I do find it completely pointless. Jenny persuaded me to join as she loves it, but I just get lots of childish messages and humdrum photos. I was also startled when I got loads of friend options that could only have come from my email address book and Blogger. How did they get that information?

Being of a slightly paranoid disposition, I have a theory that Facebook is an elaborate CIA plot to (a) distract the population from the doings of capitalism and government and (b) acquire all sorts of useful personal information. That might explain why it is so hard to leave Facebook once you've joined it. They need to keep you on board.

the walking man said...

I don't have your technical problems with facebook Hearts but I still wonder why I even have an account. Them that have found me from decades past are still decades past, them that have become "friends' still are in the same symbiosis of the relationship we had before i opened the account and all in all it just seems pretty pointless.

TechnoBabe said...

I can send you chocolate. You deserve some for sure! I do not do Facebook, will not do do Facebook, even though many of my family are on Facebook and like it. Some of them are mac users and so am I, whatever that means. For me, blogging is the name of the game.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

My experience was similar to yours. I only joined because I received several "friend" requests and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. FB immediately hijacked my entire contact list and sent invitations in my name to everyone who wasn't already on FB. I felt violated.

Your theory wouldn't surprise me at all.

Mark,

It's pointless unless you are a junior high school student and terrified of not being "popular" enough. The little sound bites - "so-and-so is eating a carrot now" - are stupid and annoying. And I don't feel the need to have FB pronounce that somebody and I are now friends like a bizarre marriage ceremony.

Babe,

You're so right. Blogging requires at least the minimal expression of ideas followed, hopefully, by thoughtful comments. FB skips right to the comments w/o the content.

Why don't you come and have the chocolate with me?

Jo said...

LAUGH OUT LOUD!!! You have expressed perfectly just how I feel about Facebook. A friend of mine sent me a request to be friends, and I didn't receive it, and she thought I was ignoring her. Arrrgggghhhh....

But actually, I find it really sophormoric. I mean, what the h*ll is Mafia Wars, and what do I care what kind of soft drink I am? It's designed for 13 year-old kids!

Arrrgggghhhh....

Warty Mammal said...

I can send chocolate. Do you prefer dark, milk, or some other variety?

My facebook complaint is that I've carefully set up permissions so that different groups of acquaintances either can't or don't have to put up with different bits of my nonsense. For example, professional acquaintances probably don't want to hear about how I cut my heel while shaving and it won't stop. However, the only real practical way to check my setup is to set up a fake account. Annoying.

Molly said...

I have held out against Facebook and will continue to do so. It makes the word "friend" meaningless!

I could send chocolate......

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jo,

I seriously don't get why this thing is so important to so many people, many of whom are otherwise intelligent. I went through junior high school once and if I were going to revisit any particular time in my life, that wouldn't be it. Speaking of soda, I have never liked it, which clearly confirms that I am an antisocial freak.

Warts,

Dark, please. Definitely dark. Milk chocolate does nothing for me and the white variety isn't even chocolate.

Molly,

Exactly! FB's use of "friend" makes the concept both meaningless and obsolete.

Why don't you and Warts come to SF and we'll all do chocolate together? (And yes, I mean "do" as opposed to "eat" because I suspect chocolate is a drug.)

thailandchani said...

Nick and Molly both speak for me as well. I have some ungodly number of "friends" on Facebook and, if challenged, they probably don't even know if I'm male or female. It does make "friend" meaningless. I also agree with Nick that it is probably some kind of CIA/Patriot Act/NSA plot to keep track of it.

As for Mafia Wars/Farmville/Etc., it always cracks me up when people say *I* have too much time on my hands!

I don't know what might be causing the technical problem. It's probably badly written software and nothing else. Facebook doesn't seem to care much about stealth applications.



~*

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Chani,

I'm pretty sure Facebook deliberately makes it impossible to leave, whether for the reasons suggested in some of the comments or out of sheer meanness.

The software is definitely written to create a one-way street. Like the roach motel, or the old joke about the fortune cookie fortune which reads "Help! I'm a prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory."

Or maybe it's designed to build character, reduce swearing, and learn to go with the flow. (Oh, puke me now.)

katrice said...

Ha! My kids feel the same way about Ikea. They take it as punishment whenever I suggest they go with me.

I've missed you!

Bruce said...

I enjoy it; then again, I haven't had the problems that you've had! This explains why I haven't heard from you on it!

Terra Shield said...

Browser issues, maybe?

Rebecca said...

I understand completely and lately they've completely changed format whock=h is very difficult for someone who was only just getting used to it. GAH!

Have stopped blogging for various reasons - - mostly because I am just so booody slack and that makes me feel bad but also because my book is getting aLOT of publicity and I was starting toget so many hits and the whole idea of having my life up there for anyone and evryone to read started to totally weird me out.

But will still drop in to my favourite blogs like this one every so often.
XX

Rebecca said...

whock=h is the australian version of which - in case you didn't know! :)

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I can help you with the chocolate part....

;o)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Katrice,

Leave them with me next time. I have taken a vow never to set foot in Ikea again. It activates a profound claustrophobia which I never knew I had.

Bruce,

Well, it's very nice to hear from YOU now. I hope NY is still treating you well. You don't have to kiss the ground or anything, but please tell it I said "hello."

Terra,

Could be, although I don't have any difficulty with other websites. I think Facebook just knows I don't like it and is getting even.

Thanks for your visit!

Rebecca,

Congratulations on your book's success! I'm delighted to hear it, and think it especially amazing since you have four children. (The days must be longer in Australia:)

I will miss your blog but have to agree that safety becomes a more serious issue with fame.

I inferred that "whock=h" means "which" -- I"m good with languages.

Scarlett,

Offer accepted, and hand-deliver them, please.

Pamela said...

FB has its share of quirks, but I kinda like it. I keep my # of friends down and it's good to kinda eavesdrop on people's lives - at least what they wish to share. And I loved that I learn how to block all the stupid mafia wars, etc. stuff.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pamela,

How do you block that stuff without un-friending" someone? Please advise.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Reminds me of a Sopranos episode. No, you just can't quit. But probably Blogger is no better. Hmmmm. Why does my word verification say: "cement boots"?

Pamela said...

If someone does a mafia wars update or any other stupid quiz, etc. mouse over on the upper right hand corner of that post. the word Hide will appear. Magically. if you click on it, you will be able to choose to hide that person, or hide Mafia Wars, or whatever stupid quiz. You choose!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pawlie,

It's as I suspected, then. I'm a lifer. Until they take me out.

Pamela,

Thank you for coming back. I found the "hide" button but it didn't work when I clicked it, further proof that FB is selectively haunted.

Maria said...

I DETEST Facebook. And like you, I got talked into it by family and friends. I was HORRIFIED when I signed up and discovered that they had highjacked my e-mail list and then sent everyone an invite to be my facebook "friend." That infuriated me so much that I de-activated my account. It took awhile and some persistence but I did it. And now I finally have that insane monkey off of my back for good. (Well, except for the countless junk e-mails I receive from them asking me to re-consider. I often feel like I got out of a marriage with a real co-dependent person....)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maria,

Yep, Facebook is a slimy bandit and not accountable to anyone. I was horrified, too, when they sent those invitations purportedly from me. It's like a giant squid that gets bigger and bigger as it stretches its greedy tentacles and sucks everyone in.

I figured out that the problem was with Firefox this morning when on a whim, I logged on in Safari. The buttons worked and I deactivated everything. Hopefully, I have been delivered from evil.

Pamela said...

It's odd because I use Firefox and don't have a problem hiding... Oh well. glad you found it.

Stinkypaw said...

I feel your frustration, even if FB hasn't been this bad with me... yet.

Hope things work out, at least blooging works and it works well! ;-)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Pamela,

Maybe if I just hide myself from Facebook...

Stinkypaw,

Yes, blooging is working out well for me. :) I'm almost ready to move on to blogging. You know, baby steps.

nick said...

You deactivated everything - brilliant! As long as they don't send the heavies round to "persuade you of your best interests".

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

Or make me an offer I can't refuse.

Jocelyn said...

Facebook is a moody, hormonal bitch.

I've decided to treat her like my great aunt Ethel and trust that she's doing the best she can.

Even when I want to slap her silly.

(okay, I'm lying: FB makes me nuts too. Unfortunately, the benefits of reconnection and glimpses of daily life have hooked me...even as I hate it)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jocelyn,

I really need to "unfriend" (how's that, English teacher?) Facebook. I might like your great aunt Ethel, though.

Meggie said...

I totally agree, I hate it!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Meggie,

:<) !!!