Sunday, September 06, 2009

First, Do No Harm


I've heard wonderful things about the Bach flower remedies so I bought a tin of pastilles at the health food store. They are supposed to relieve stress, to which I am no stranger.

First of all, I couldn't open the metal tin even after removing the tape. I tried to turn the lid and also to pry it, but it wouldn't open although I did stab myself with a screw driver. I was getting angry and increasingly stressed. Flip opened it for me.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"Read the directions."

"Oh."

Even with Alzheimer's, he is more mechanically adept than I. It never occurred to me that I would need directions to open a tin of something. I buy Altoids all the time. No problem.

I took one and attempted to close the lid, but it wouldn't close. Of course. I positioned my hand exactly as pictured on the tin and the pastilles sprayed all over the floor. It's very hard to find little red things on a predominantly red Persian rug. I had to throw them away because they were keeping company with a pair of shoes I hadn't put away, and I know where they've been. I am convinced that the manufacturer is deliberately creating more stress so that I will keep buying their product, which comes in several forms. I'm thinking of trying the droplets in water next. And sending a nastygram to the Bach company, for stress reduction.

39 comments:

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Probably was "child proof", you young kid you!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Calvin,

"Child proof" means that only a child can open it.

nick said...

You're not the only one. I'm constantly amazed at how many easy-open packages are anything but. I'm always wrestling with fastenings that are as impregnable as Fort Knox. I appreciate the need for hygienic seals but surely there are more user-friendly ones?

the walking man said...

Uhhhh...it would seem the tin warrants mention in their advertisement.

Rescue® Pastilles are ideal for coping with exam stress, driving tests, first day of school nerves, job interviews and high pressure environments. The funky tin with an easy "press on the lid" opening and closing mechanism. It is easy to take anywhere and with natural flavoring safe for use by the whole family. emphasis added.


I think I'll stick with thirty milligrams of Valium.

secret agent woman said...

I used to buy red currant and black currant pastilles at the pharmacy in Switzerland. I've missed them - haven't seen any here.

TechnoBabe said...

Dang, I needed to read this. I laughed and laughed. I just got home from work and it was busy today, being a holiday, hotels are busy on holidays. And this sort of thing happens to hubby AND to me all the time. What a relief to read that you, someone I admire and look up to, have to deal with this stuff too. I have to say thank you!!

thailandchani said...

Yes, "childproof" also seems to mean "any human being short of hercules" proof.



~*

Maria said...

Oh, that is EXACTLY how I feel about those clam wrapped items. I can't tell you how many times I have stabbed myself in the hand with a pair of scissors trying to get them open. And then Bing comes by with a can opener and opens them just. like. that.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Nick,

It's good to know I am not alone in my ineptitude. Perhaps the manufacturers have erred on the side of caution.

Mark,

Do you share? I've never tried Valium, but maybe it's time I did.

Agent,

I think the Swiss Army company makes pastilles. When I was in acting school, I used to buy a throat lozenge called Vocalzones which were invented for Enrico Caruso. I wonder if they're available online, as well as the product you're looking for.

Babe,

So glad I could help. What kind of hotel work do you do? It takes a very special person to deal with the public on holidays without losing your cool.

Chani,

Exactly. I am not particularly Herculean so I have no business buying this product.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Maria,

It's the just. like. that. part that drives me over the edge. I hate feeling incompetent, even when I am.

the walking man said...

Hearts...They come in 5mg and 10mg models and generic brands. If you can manage the childproof cap (ha ha ha) then they are better than Pastilles.

Liam said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha , you kill me.

meno said...

For stress relief, stick with tequila!

riseoutofme said...

I'm sorry but I laughed at this ... I once bought something similar, did the same gyrations as you, ended up on all fours trying to locate the pesky things, gave up and let the psychotic hound do what he does best ... snarf ...

Result ... one VERY chilled canine ..

Bach also make a "Rescue Remedy" in liquid form ... Unfortunately, it too has a childproof cap ...

Thank you for your kind comment and Good Luck!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mark,

I don't swallow pills very well. Maybe if they buried it in chocolate...

Liam,

Not my intention. We want you alive and kicking.

Meno,

Allergic to liquor. Now you may begin to see why I'm stressed.

Rise,

I'm glad your dog got some benefit from these things and also cleaned up the rug so it wasn't a total loss.

Los Angelista said...

Cute tin, but I think it's a ploy by the company -- if you spill, you must buy more!

TaraDharma said...

oh my gosh, this scenario is just too damned funny! Laughing partially because I'm just relieved that I'm not the one who experienced it....

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Liz,

Well I'm onto them. I prefer my stress relievers unstressful.

Tara,

Yes, misery really does love company!

mrwriteon said...

Flip reads the directions? I didn't think guys ever read directions. I avoid them like the plague, which is why I end up in stress-inducing situations like yours.

NoRegrets said...

I'm sorry, but that was hilarious. You ever visit Thoroughly Modern Millie blog? There's a regular series: I can't open it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ian,

Not exactly. It's a diagram showing hands on the tin. And it's probably in a landfill or on a garbage barge heading for open ocean now. Without my blessings.

No Regrets,

I haven't heard of that blog but will try to check it out - if it opens for me. Which I doubt.

the walking man said...

I don't think dunking them in warm chocolate would hurt their curative 9albeit temporary) effect.

Pamela said...

http://www.mymomsblog.blogspot.com/

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Mark,

Chocolate makes everything better!

Pam,

Your comment seems to be an advertisement for your own blog, which is fine but the link leads to a page which says "Profile not available." You may want to rethink this.

witnessing am i said...

Oh my goodness, Heart, this is beautiful.

In the gloomy afternoon in a grey office building many miles away, your words have (once again) provided me with a great stress relief. No tin included, thank you.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

David,

What a delight to see you again! I've missed you, both commenting here and the wonderful writings on your blog. Hopefully, this is evidence of a sea-change. (I LOVE that word.)

Jocelyn said...

Or maybe a huge, cathartic cry as you pick mangey candies out of your shoes.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jocelyn,

It's better than the other thing those shoes stepped in that day.

rhubarbwhine said...

I ofte ask Mr 12 to help me open a child proof lid that I cant manage. He can do it in seconds.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rhubarb,

Could you please send him to visit me for a very long time?

Jo said...

I feel your pain. I bought a small plastic container of feta cheese the other day. Do you think I could open it? I sliced my hand open, bled all over the countertop, and finally got a pair of plyers to pry the plastic lid off. Then the brine from the container spilled all over the floor. All I could think was, "I have no quite entered little-old-ladyhood yet. What happens when little old ladies try to open these things!?

seventh sister said...

try the tincture next time.

On a limb with Claudia said...

Oh honey, how awful! I'm so sorry. We use Bach flower remedies for a variety of things. Rose is a big fan when it's thundering.

I hope you find something that will help your stress. If I could carry the load, you know that I would!

Meggie said...

I used to always read the directions. Now, the print is too damn small to read...Plus the directions don't provide enough extra strength to deal with seals!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Jo,

I feel YOUR pain, too. I once nearly severed my middle finger, right hand, trying to remove a paring knife from its packaging. It had to be surgically reconnected and my hand has never been as good as it was before. Be careful! We want to be sure you reach little old ladyhood.

Sister,

That's my intention. Many people swear by it.

Claudia,

Thank you for all your kind thoughts. I just have to work through it, as we all do. It helps to know that I have such loving support.

Meggie,

Yes, the directions have gotten smaller in direct proportion to me getting older.

Melanie said...

giggle giggle ha ha ha!!!

a truly entertaining story. makes you wonder though, if things aren't sent along to test your real stress reliever. Obviously it doesn't lie in a can of pastilles...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Melanie,

You think? You are clearly onto something there.

I LOVE the baby picture!

Rebecca said...

valium comes in a VERY easy to open screw-top jar!

just joking of course.

I have recently been meditating which is seriously fantastic for stress and anxiety.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Rebecca,

So very nice to see you again!

Meditation is wonderful. Maybe I could take the Valium first to calm me enough to meditate. (Medication, meditation, how much difference can one letter make?:)