Logic

Today, I received two shipments from one of my book clubs. I had ordered one because they told me that I had a credit. The book I ordered cost about $4 more than my credit, so I expected to be billed for that amount plus S&H.

The other parcel included two books which I did not order intentionally. I simply forgot to send back the no-thank-you card on time.

I was billed the full amount for both shipments, so I called customer service. They explained that my credit had been applied to the larger shipment, the one I didn't order, because that charge came in sooner than my actual order, but oops! They had "forgotten" to deduct the credit from my bill.

The customer disservice person seemed surprised that I had noticed I didn't get my credit. Actually, I hadn't known I was entitled to one until they informed me of it.

I asked her what would happen to the credit if I returned the unordered shipment. She said it would revert to the book I actually ordered and I would owe the difference, as I anticipated in the first place.

She did not apologize for charging me full price for both shipments. I wondered if she expected an apology from me for noticing. We'll call it a draw.

With a billing system like that, it's no wonder I had a credit. They apparently bill more than is owed, so if you pay it, you end up with a credit which seduces you into buying another book.

It takes a truly evil genius to come up with a modus operandi like that.

Bait and switch, you say? Nay, me pretty. More like rape and disembowel, methinks.

Meanwhile, I have perused the books and decided to return them. I will have to pay for shipping because I opened the box. I usually avoid this expense by prying the invoice off the outside without disturbing the box itself; then I use rubber cement to replace the envelope, write "Return to sender" on the box, and drop it at the Post Office.

It's only fair that I should pay for not responding to the catalog offerings in time. But I don't always play fair. Since they don't, either, I think that lets me off the hook.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but the second one sure makes me feel better about the first.

Tagged

Wonder of wonders! I have been given a Thinking Blogger Award by Lone Grey Squirrel.

I have no idea how this happened, but thank you a million times, Squirrel. I am thrilled and honored.

The Thinking Blogger Award began in February 2007 when Ilker Yoldas decided to combine the meme concept with links to blogs with quality content.

Here are the rules:

1. If tagged, you must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to the original post, so that people can find the originator.
3. Optional: Display the Thinking Blogger Award with a link to the post that you wrote about it.
4. Tag 5 others whose blogs make you think.

Well. My first reaction was disbelief. I got over that quickly, in only a day or so, and moved into Phase 2, which can best be summed up as Wow. Cool.

The Wow phase was almost immediately replaced with Uh oh. I don't know how to make links. My template and I have never become really friendly. I venture into the bowels of my blog only to add to my link list. Much as I admire those who can scoot around in there on roller skates, customizing everything within an inch of their lives, well, I'm not one of them.

And then, worse yet, came the horrifying thought: How can I possibly choose only five blogs when there are so many excellent ones?

In my view, they ALL deserve awards. And I should know because I read them.

This won't be easy. In making my choices, I tried to adhere to the letter of the law as well as its spirit: Blogs that make me think. Some of my favorite reads of the day are not included because they make me laugh, I mean spilling-coffee laugh, not contemplate deep truths.

If there is an award for absolute funniest out there, my vote will go to Mist1. Kevin Charnas is also a hilarious fellow. He has caused my keyboard considerable distress over spilled beverages that made it onto my desk. I cannot laugh and do anything else at the same time.

Goodthomas and Maht at The Moon Topples are both fantastic writers and most interesting gentlemen. I adore their blogs, and they both deserve awards for artistry. Lee at Studio Twenty-Three is a fantastic visual artist and delightfully quirky. I love her blog. She also deserves a big award for all-around creativity.

I first included Theory of Thought, which never ceases to blow my mind because it is written by a 16-year old. 17 now? This young woman not only writes like an angel, but she addresses topics that are so beyond the breadth of most people twice her age that I used to wonder if this blog was a scam -- a person with vast experience in life pretending to be a teenager.

She also has such a balanced and mature understanding, even in the sensitive arena of mother-daughter conflict, that I just read her posts and marvel at her depth. I feel that I should be saving them against the day she becomes a published writer (and grownup.)

Then I discovered that Csl had already tagged her. I would like to give the award to those who haven't yet been recognized for this one. (I learned after writing this that she has also nominated me. I feel so very honored.)

So many great blogs.

1. Thailand Gal. Chani's posts invariably excite a growing number of us. Her commentators are usually so carried away with her topic of the day that we go on forever. She sparks something in her readers when she puts a subject out there, so her blog absolutely personifies the art and science of thinking.

Chani also demonstrates amazing reserves of intelligent compassion. She questions everything and then draws her own conclusions. She never buys into group mind, but is always completely herself. I greatly admire her and her spirit of adventure. Chani, this one's for you!

2. Katrice at Wait, I'll Think of Something is another great favorite of mine. She is always on the mark and never disappoints. She intersperses fun features like Hunk of the Month with her thoughts on life and its stages, along with reflections on her childhood, which are always fascinating and so beautifully evoked that reading them almost feels like being there.

Katrice is someone with whom I personally feel a tremendous rapport. Her posts are thought -provoking and her presence is comforting. Congratulations on being you, Katrice!

3. Urban Urchin at Urban Urchin.com writes delightful posts about her children, work, childhood allergies, and other subjects with great wit and sensitivity. She practices kindness and love, and always gives us something to think about. She is a formidable force for good in the blogosphere, and the world.

A clothing designer whose name I suspect we would all recognize, her priorities are those she loves. Her writing challenges me to think about unusual topics, and I think she would be a great friend in need. Yayyy, Urchin.

4. Lex of On Second Thought expounds on everything from food to religion to her ex-husband. She is always thought-provoking in the extreme. Her personality infuses everything she writes, from her sense of ethics to her sense of fun, while her care for others shines through.

Re-inventing herself after a disastrous marriage, she parses every issue to find its reality, and is not afraid to discuss anything, no matter how sensitive the topic. She is in many ways my idol for her courage and multi-faceted personality. Hurray for Lex!!

5. Liz at Los Angelista's Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness is a great writer. She delves into issues as diverse as race relations and pop culture, and can make even a routine visit to Starbucks an anthropological field study. She is insightful, clever, and always expressive. Her dry sense of humor is sharp but never mean.

Liz taught English in China and her observations and ruminations about being in a place where nobody else looked like her are fascinating. Keep it up, Liz. You're the greatest.

May I reiterate that ALL the blogs in my roster are amazing, and add something to my daily life in so many different ways. Please check them all out. You won't be sorry.

Kismet

I needed some things at Safeway, so I asked Flip if he wanted to go with me. He likes beer. Since I do not, I am disinclined to think of buying it. He knows this. He came to the store with me.

When we came out, I heard him say, "We have matching dents."

He was speaking to a woman parked next to us in her black Toyota Camry. Our Camry is white.

I scrutinized her right front fender. Sure enough, there was a dent that was identical to the one on our right front fender, which Flip got at Whole Foods last week.

Whole Foods has a hazardous parking garage with pillars and badly angled spaces.

"I got mine at Whole Foods," said the woman.

"So did I!" exclaimed Flip. "Hit it on a pillar."

"No fucking way," she said. "That's how I got mine."

It was like a negative image, black car next to identical white car. The dents were in exactly the same place.

"I think mine is worse," she said. When you are truly competitive, anything qualifies.

I examined both. They looked like they were mass-produced in a factory. Even the scratches within the dents matched. Two on each. Perfection.

"I think they're the same," said Flip.

She looked at him intently. "Let's get married," she said.

As we pulled out, she called, "Wouldn't it be funny if we ran into each other?"

I laughed. "I hope you don't mean that literally."

"Oh, but I do."

"See you at Whole Foods," I said.

I Wuz Robbed

Someone has taken my Sunday paper again. What lowdown, smarmy, despicable, contemptible, cheap, underhanded, foul creature would do such a dastardly deed?

I am shocked.

I canceled my subscription a year ago because half the time, it wasn't on the doorstep when I went to fetch it. But the carrier usually drops off an extra one in front of my building, and I have come to expect it.

Today it was gone. Some scurrilous scumbag had purloined my free newspaper off the sidewalk as if it were there for the taking. Without asking me. As if it were just a free newspaper, for the love of God. I was in total disbelief. I looked twice to be sure, even in the bushes, but there was no paper.

Some other freeloader beat me to it.

I came back upstairs empty-handed from my unsuccessful hunt. Twitching like a bird dog whose pheasant got away. Now I'll have to buy a Sunday paper if I want one.

I didn't know anyone else in this building could read.

Blond Ambition

I am dismayed that John Edwards intends to continue his run for the presidency despite the fact that his wife Elizabeth's cancer has returned.

It was disturbing that in a news clip of the couple talking to reporters, he began to walk away briskly while she was still engaged in conversation. She had to sprint to catch up with him.

After all, he has a campaign to run. He is clearly not going to let himself be held back by his wife's illness. How inconsiderate of her to place him in this position.

She was first diagnosed with breast cancer when he was running for Vice President on John Kerry's ticket in 2004.

She underwent treatment, but now it's back.

I don't care if he's a Democrat or a Republican. I find it appalling that he would choose his political ambitions over taking care of his sick wife.

She said that she intends to campaign with him. I guess she's a stand-by-your-man type.

If I were ill with a serious disease and had young children at home, I would not choose to spend my last year (or months) on the campaign trail, traveling all over the country, shaking hands with strangers, talking up my husband, staying in hotels, far from the doctors who knew me and my condition best.

But then, I'm not a die-by-your-man type of woman.

UPDATE:

When Stephen asked me if I would feel the same if Elizabeth Edwards had diabetes, I rejected the concept that they were in any way similar. With apologies to Stephen, I now know that her doctor made the same comparison. The good news is that with new treatments and better drugs, it is now possible in some cases to preserve both a cancer patient's life and quality of life.

Her doctor says that "cancer has been converted from a short battle that you either win or lose, to a chronic siege." A chronic siege, he adds, that you can fight while still enjoying life and pursuing your goals.

"Elizabeth Edwards will have a very important impact for many individuals. She can offer hope and courage to others facing more advanced disease."

I hate the taste of crow. But in this instance, I'm glad I was wrong. While it still would not be my personal choice to campaign, it wouldn't have been my choice in the first place. I am not a political person.

The good news is that for some patients who continue to take care of themselves, cancer need not be the end of the line.

There is life after diagnosis.

Canus Interruptus

Somebody had left a small dog tied to a parking meter, yelping miserably while they ate in a neighborhood restaurant. The dog had wound himself around the post once and come to the end of the line. His leash was only about a foot long.

At a window table, two women were stuffing face, doubtless comparing their cosmetic surgeries, completely indifferent to the suffering they were inflicting on their best friend.

What a rotten thing to do.

Dogs are not accessories. They deserve better than to be tied up for hours in the hot sun without water, or a pat on the head.

They could use a little love and loyalty in return.

I often see dogs tied to meters all evening while their owners drink themselves under the table.

Last week, we walked to dinner about a mile away. A Golden Retriever was lying on the sidewalk outside a crowded, noisy bar in heavy rain, too miserable to complain.

When we passed by on our way home about two hours later, he was still there. We stopped to pet him, and his eyes pleaded with us to take him home.

I wanted to storm into the bar and confront the dog's owner, but Flip assured me that it would get ugly.

"Nobody will hit me," I said. "I'm a girl, and I'm small."

He agreed that I was counting on that, exactly. "But I will have to defend you."

I accused him of being a wuss, but agreed not to bitch-slap the dog's owner in his presence. I can fight my own battles. I don't need a goon to protect me.

And besides, I know that karma will bite these jackasses in the butt. Just not soon enough.

In their next lives, they will come back as dogs with cruel owners. Or better yet, they will come back as amoebae and have to work their way up to being dogs.

If they are not human now, they will never be humans again.

We Made it!!

Spring Is Here
Dorothy (Alves) Holmes


Spring arrived today
Aglow in spring time fashion
Spring fever follows