tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post4775390462837180591..comments2023-09-26T04:56:13.105-07:00Comments on Guilty With An Explanation: Mario/Shekiyaheartinsanfranciscohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-58935145238497460392011-10-11T15:48:17.131-07:002011-10-11T15:48:17.131-07:00Susan, I've been wondering how you were. I'...Susan, I've been wondering how you were. I'm sorry that the roommate is making Flip unhappy. He may not comprehend exactly what the situation is, but obviously something is making him very uncomfortable. The very idea that HE should have to move from the room he was in first infuriates me. He needs stability to maintain the mental ability he has left. That means a room mate he can understand and not being moved all over the building. Good luck; I know you'll fight for him.Paulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06625526746032032681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-7533040064425388402011-10-11T08:14:32.457-07:002011-10-11T08:14:32.457-07:00Jeannette,
Flip now refuses to enter his room bec...Jeannette,<br /><br />Flip now refuses to enter his room because of Shekiya. I don't know what his thought processes are, but it's clear he does not like her. When I mentioned this to the director, she said that Flip would have to be the one to move, even though he was there first, because he is the disgruntled one. I am going back for Round 2 today. My reasoning is that since they initially agreed to move Shekiya before I withdrew my objection, they should do so now, but I think they have a 24-hour rule. <br /><br />Thank you for your visit, and welcome.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-24076888249527064242011-10-10T13:48:58.415-07:002011-10-10T13:48:58.415-07:00As if life doesn't throw us enough whoppers......As if life doesn't throw us enough whoppers... To say that it's a new world we live in feels like understatement in all this. This is my first visit to your blog and I must say that you are reasoning your way through, around, over, and under all this with inordinate humor and grace. And, as long as you do not feel there is any danger to your husband's experience for now, you seem so wise to put it on the back burner... but protect your man from the minx and see about those sandals.<br /><br />Wow.JeannetteLShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13528285846408727632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-4873464771965458522011-10-08T20:18:22.588-07:002011-10-08T20:18:22.588-07:00Neora,
All the rooms at the nursing home are eith...Neora,<br /><br />All the rooms at the nursing home are either doubles or triples. Flip was alone in his double until Shekiya arrived.<br /><br />I think the administrators decided it was safer to invade Flip's male space than to risk the extreme ire of any woman who was given a roommate with a penis. <br /><br />Jackie,<br /><br />The director told me that. When I asked why, she said something vague about changing, but Shekiya uses the bathroom, not diapers. I also noticed that the sign next to the door with the occupants' names has "M" (Mario) as her first initial, not "S" (Shekiya.)<br /><br />I just got my first bill for two months, which reinforced that things have advanced beyond my ability to take care of Flip myself any longer.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-25335402027811058562011-10-08T19:36:49.477-07:002011-10-08T19:36:49.477-07:00How do you know for sure that Shekiya requested a ...How do you know for sure that Shekiya requested a male roommate? Did she tell you this or was it the administrator? It sounds fishy to me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03354299078292553141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-75614302392336210812011-10-06T11:29:48.243-07:002011-10-06T11:29:48.243-07:00I admire your fortitude in dealing with all this. ...I admire your fortitude in dealing with all this. As a psychotherapist, I would say S. should be treated as female since she identifies that way. And typically you would think that someone who identifies as female would want a female roommate; we are accultured that way. But she asked for a man. Throws a nice twist into the works.<br /><br />What bothers me is my gut cynicism that this is all about money and not dignity; ie, perhaps neither Flip nor S. can afford a private room, so they don't get one. I wonder if there are any openings in a female room?<br /><br />Another thought is they are afraid an advocate is or will be involved in S's case and if they don't honor her requests, they may face legal action. And so they will risk trampling on Flip's rights to do so. If it wouldn't risk his care, it would be interesting to say you are going to get a lawyer unless they move S.neora chanahttp://neorasgraciouslight.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-36569669173697088312011-10-06T09:50:52.096-07:002011-10-06T09:50:52.096-07:00Jean,
Thank you for the good thoughts and for you...Jean,<br /><br />Thank you for the good thoughts and for your visit. If I remember correctly, Sandra Day O'Connor retired from the Supreme Court to take care of her husband, so it was particularly bizarre that things turned out as they did.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-30285550616275867052011-10-03T09:58:06.769-07:002011-10-03T09:58:06.769-07:00You, my dear, are one classy lady. Wish I could h...You, my dear, are one classy lady. Wish I could help you! I couldn't help remembering Sandra Day O'Connor dealing with her husband's Alzheimers-he had 'fallen in love' with another patient at the care center. She is a classy lady, too.<br /><br />Sending good thoughts your way.Jeanhttp://jeanniekay.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-34693227062418322742011-10-02T20:54:53.926-07:002011-10-02T20:54:53.926-07:00Jocelyn,
You understood me perfectly. Shekiya has...Jocelyn,<br /><br />You understood me perfectly. Shekiya has no family, which is not surprising. I'm guessing that Mario was dead to them as soon as he became a she. She is only 36 years old and I don't know why she's in the nursing/rehab facility. I can only imagine how difficult her life must have been, and still is, because of something which should not be anyone else's business.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-47165192216669316572011-10-02T05:56:43.300-07:002011-10-02T05:56:43.300-07:00I'm not sure what's worth objecting to or ...I'm not sure what's worth objecting to or not in this situation, as attempting to decide that genitalia outweighs internal identification gets awfully sticky awfully fast--as your entire post notes very well.<br /><br />That said, my gut comes down on the side of your initial reaction. This person is female identified, yet she's not being treated thusly, which feels like a kind of rights violation to this liberal. It has nothing to do with her being in a room with Flip--this isn't an issue of sex--but it has everything to do with a lifetime fight to claim gender, and that's what you were attempting to honor (it seems to me).<br /><br />At the end of the day, not worth tapping more of your reserves to continue this conversation with people who didn't know how to hear you, so I respect that you tried to make your point and then moved on. From this point, S and her family (if she has one) can take it up, if it matters to her.Jocelynhttp://omightycrisis.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-19915766920532814042011-09-30T16:13:32.194-07:002011-09-30T16:13:32.194-07:00Babe,
If we are not kind,we are probably failing ...Babe,<br /><br />If we are not kind,we are probably failing this incarnation. We are certainly failing ourselves. Some people are really difficult to be kind to, though. Hopefully, there is benefit in trying, even when we are not altogether successful.<br /><br />Ian,<br /><br />Yes, the doctor was really arrogant. He even ignored my offered handshake because he was already thinking of me as an adversary. <br /><br />I'm taking Shekiya some fashion magazines tomorrow.<br /><br />Elaine,<br /><br />Why do you think I go over there every day? I need to protect my man from that little minx. <br /><br />(Flip would really be creeped out if he knew. He is kind, as you know, but not quite as liberal as they believe. This would definitely occasion one raised eyebrow, which he has perfected.)heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-49830256507843805142011-09-30T14:57:21.856-07:002011-09-30T14:57:21.856-07:00Actually, I would object because I'd be worrie...Actually, I would object because I'd be worried about Shekiya putting moves on Flip. He's very cute...Elaine Stewardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045510145482514161noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-80585719767552715472011-09-30T11:54:48.867-07:002011-09-30T11:54:48.867-07:00You were probably right to change your mind ultima...You were probably right to change your mind ultimately, but your original objection was also fully valid. What astounds me in your offerings on Flip's debacle and the agonies that you've gone through is the self-righteous arrogance of those with whom you are forced to deal. That sucks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-13740701432811294772011-09-30T09:01:39.552-07:002011-09-30T09:01:39.552-07:00You are a deep thinker with an open mind and your ...You are a deep thinker with an open mind and your dealings with the nursing home give you opportunities to show other people how a mature mind and kind hearted person can be. You always amaze me with your treatment of others and how you see things from other peoples view. Even in the midst of what you deal with every day now, I learn from you. I am so grateful for that.CiCihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08615265608675467505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-8265611518342713572011-09-30T07:42:49.135-07:002011-09-30T07:42:49.135-07:00David,
For the record, I still believe the nursin...David,<br /><br />For the record, I still believe the nursing home is wrong, especially since they honored Shekiya's inexplicable request for a male roommate w/o consulting me on Flip's behalf. But if she turns out to be harmless, the rest of it won't matter. My main concern is Flip, but I do feel sorry for someone with gender identity issues. To paraphrase Hemingway in The Sun Also Rises,"It's a rotten way to be wounded."<br /><br />Agent,<br /><br />I'm sure the administrators were more worried about the reaction of a female resident and her family if they placed a person with a penis in her room. I am uneasy that no one will tell me why Shekiya is there, though. She seems to be in her 40s and not necessarily all there mentally. <br /><br />When I arrived yesterday, Flip was lying on a rubber mattress on the floor, unable to get up, and Shekiya was sitting on the edge of her bed, inches away, watching him intently. War makes strange bedfellows.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-57885620090623430792011-09-30T07:20:42.586-07:002011-09-30T07:20:42.586-07:00You know, my initial thought was that insisting th...You know, my initial thought was that insisting that they treat Shekiya as a woman IS supporting transgendered peoples' rights. After all, if she is now a woman, wouldn't she want to be treated as one, and placed with another woman? And my second thought was that what is most important is the personality of who rooms with Flip - you want someone there who won't make his life more difficult. So ultimately, I think letting it ride and seeing how they work out might be for the best.secret agent womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763879283931347382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-87034727115328274472011-09-30T06:43:11.200-07:002011-09-30T06:43:11.200-07:00Oh my. What is the right answer on this one? While...Oh my. What is the right answer on this one? While I certainly agree with you on this one, I think it is a tough call for the nursing home. I guess since they are living quarters, it really does come down to genitalia.<br /><br />I applaud your objection but also your withdrawal. I think both took courage.<br /><br />"My only regret is that I can't share this with Flip." That is the worst part in all of this, isn't it? How I am sure he would help you through all of this, if only he could.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-75981610908321108192011-09-29T16:31:47.479-07:002011-09-29T16:31:47.479-07:00Brown,
Exactly! There is no way I could make this...Brown,<br /><br />Exactly! There is no way I could make this up - my imagination has limits.<br /><br />Paula,<br /><br />I would have been very upset that your mother was put at risk. And I do feel the need to know why Shekiya is in the nursing home. <br /><br />I haven't really made peace with the situation. I just gave up fighting it FOR NOW because as I said in my post, a person who believes he was born the wrong gender has already experienced a lot of rejection in her life, and it would be wrong to add to it. (My alternating use of pronouns was intentional - not sure which really applies.)<br /><br />Pamela,<br /><br />I would think so, but then I have never suffered a gender identity crisis, and assume you haven't either.<br /><br />I noticed today that Shekiya has breasts, which I didn't see yesterday. Or perhaps it was padding. I hope she finds peace within herself from the changes.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-90913618010112129062011-09-29T14:04:13.893-07:002011-09-29T14:04:13.893-07:00But wouldn't she/he want to be in a room with ...But wouldn't she/he want to be in a room with a she? I guess that's not your issue though. If she wants to fight for it she can.<br /><br />Amazing...what a life.Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15657357424543075040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-90560536774853515402011-09-29T11:32:30.358-07:002011-09-29T11:32:30.358-07:00Susan, my initial reaction would have been the sam...Susan, my initial reaction would have been the same as yours. If this person has the mindset of a female, then "she" has no business rooming with a strange man. It makes you wonder why she asked to be assigned a male roommate.<br /><br />I think the privacy laws should be modified to where a patient or their guardian has the right to know why a roommate is in a facility, if the reason could put the other person at any risk. A few years back, my mother had to be in a nursing home for a few months to recover from an illness and learn to walk again. She was very frail, yet when she was getting close to release, they gave her a new roommate who was deranged and combative and very mobile. I was so afraid she would do something to cause my mother to fall and break a bone and we'd be back to square one on ever getting her out of there.<br /><br />I'm glad you made peace with the situation. It is wonderful you are working on a book. Besides just being very interesting, your story could help countless others.Paulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06625526746032032681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-13049324773776924792011-09-29T09:42:44.300-07:002011-09-29T09:42:44.300-07:00Well done! Now, just think of all the other shoes ...Well done! Now, just think of all the other shoes she might have! <br /><br />Life's bizarre little presents...I swear one can't make this shit up.Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11673647369314747918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-22523013661695617392011-09-29T08:27:33.348-07:002011-09-29T08:27:33.348-07:00Calvin,
I do wonder at all the curve balls being ...Calvin,<br /><br />I do wonder at all the curve balls being thrown throughout this situation. In weaker moments, I have even wondered if it is my punishment for taking Flip to the hospital which started the whole thing, but I do not believe that any god worthy of the name would operate like that. So perhaps I am being tested, but for what? And by whom? <br /><br />Maria,<br /><br />Thank you for consulting your expert. I was told that Shekiya requested to be placed with a man, but nobody asked the man or his representative, needless to say.<br /><br />e,<br /><br />I'm not so sure, but thank you!<br /><br />Nick,<br /><br />You are dead-on about the nursing home director and her henchmen counting on Flip's being too out of it to object to anything. This makes me very nervous and disinclined to take even the occasional day off, as I've begun to do. <br /><br />Mark,<br /><br />I know. It's like an SNL skit gone terribly wrong. Who thinks up this stuff? What sicko comedian is writing my life?heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-27613600730869152002011-09-29T06:30:15.485-07:002011-09-29T06:30:15.485-07:00If this whole portion of your life was not so damn...If this whole portion of your life was not so damn sorrowful it would be to god damned funny for words!the walking manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058913927297370740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-55691687108188629972011-09-29T05:39:38.779-07:002011-09-29T05:39:38.779-07:00I've never heard of any explicit legal require...I've never heard of any explicit legal requirements on room-sharing, either in the UK or USA. I suspect you'd have to argue that a decision amounted to transgender discrimination, which in the UK comes under the law on sexual discrimination. A person would presumably have to argue that the denial of their request to share/ not share with a certain person was discriminatory.<br /><br />Bearing in mind your remarks about Flip, I suspect the nursing home is taking the rather cynical view that Flip is so out of it he's unlikely to object to Shekiya's presence, especially if as you say he may not even understand what's going on with her.nickhttp://nickhereandnow.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29674249.post-84924563236936863992011-09-29T05:38:53.880-07:002011-09-29T05:38:53.880-07:00Susan,
You are the epitome of grace.Susan,<br /><br />You are the epitome of grace.ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11376645220662546020noreply@blogger.com